Life By Degrees
by Em Dixon
Summary: Mistakes have consequences, and Azula finds her life sliding out of her control. This isn't what she wanted. This certainly isn't what Aang wanted. Follows "One Mistake," and "Consequences That Follow".
1. Six in, too many to go

**Required reading**: _One Mistake_, and _The Consequences That Follow_, in that order. Those set up the premise of this story, and give context and background.

* * *

Chapter 1: Six in, too many to go

Azula stumbled out of the bathroom, clutching the doorjamb with one hand and her stomach with the other. She paused, leaning against the frame, and just breathed, hoping this wave of nausea was finished. She wiped at the sweat along her hairline, feeling completely drained. Her legs wobbled as she staggered back to her bed. This constant throwing up and the lack of sleep it caused had her feeling more than just physically drained. This whole situation had her mind whirling almost constantly, struggling for answers to questions she hadn't ever imagined she'd be asking. She flopped on her stomach and instantly regretted it. Her stomach rolled, and Azula curled herself into a ball.

Tears tickled the corners of her eyes, and she punched her mattress in frustration. Every time she built up something good, it was torn down again, brick by brick; each accomplishment was rendered pointless and useless, her hard work trod upon and burned to ashes. Azula stuffed the blanket in her mouth to stifle the sob that tried to escape. Sometimes people still called her the Lightning Princess. As she passed, Azula could hear them whispering behind their hands about all the things she had been and all the ways she had been feared and respected. All the ways people would look to her for leadership, and the ways they knew she was destined for greatness, that nothing would stand in her path. They would speak in hushed tones for fear of being overheard, and Azula could imagine that she still commanded some respect in her home.

Then sly smiles would creep onto faces and voices would no longer be lowered. They would laugh and talk loudly about how insane she was. Her presence would be ignored, or worse, people would sneer at her and look her up and down as if sizing up an opponent. They would look at her like they knew they would win any fight with her, and it would be true. What weapons did Azula have left to her after those five years in a mental hospital? She couldn't stomach her bending anymore, having refused to so much as raise her body temperature. If it wasn't for her bending, she wouldn't be scared, alone, and pregnant with Aang's child. Azula let out a slow, measured breath. It was her bending that had forced her down this path, her bending that had built her up, her bending that ultimately deserted her, leaving her nothing. Her bending and her father and her mother. She had never learned to wield a weapon or fight with her hands. All she'd known was firebending; strip that away, and she was nothing.

Azula gagged and quickly pulled the sheet out of her mouth. Princesses of the Fire Nation did _not_ throw up on their beds.

"Azula?" Zuko knocked on her door.

Azula swallowed her tears, and readjusted the front of her robe to ease the chafing. Zuko wasn't going to go away any time soon; she'd learned that the hard way, and at times was equally grateful and annoyed that she'd told him. Slowly, she sat up and ran her hands over her face. She'd done her best to not think about the night of Zuko and Katara's engagement. She was happy for her brother, sure. Katara was nice enough, had come to visit her in the hospital, and was respectful of the boundaries Azula set. She was most certainly _not_ jealous of Zuko, because she hadn't even considered marriage before, had never wanted to be married or have children. Now she was stuck carrying the child of a seventeen year old monk so hung up on her brother's fiancée that he called Katara's name as he finished inside _her_.

"Who am I to judge?" Azula muttered to herself, deciding to get back under the blankets.

"Azula? You weren't at breakfast."

Azula rolled her eyes. Of course she wasn't at breakfast. She'd gotten halfway down to the dining hall before the smell of food sent her reeling, forcing her to the nearest bathroom for the eighth time that morning. Not that she'd been keeping count. Nothing had ever smelled less appetizing, so Azula hid in her room, knowing Zuko wouldn't be able to come find her until after his morning meetings. She'd never been sick like this before, had rarely been sick at all in her _life_. Now, it was like the universe was throwing nineteen years of sickness on her all at once. She knew less than nothing about pregnancy, and had no idea how long this was going to last. And it wasn't even like morning sickness was limited to the morning. It should really be called 'all day sickness,' because the nausea was quite fond of hitting her at all times during the day and night.

Zuko let out a frustrated sigh, his voice sharp. "Azula—"

"Come in," she yelled angrily, yanking the blankets over her head. The sooner they got this over with, the sooner she could be left in peace and Zuko could mind his own business for a change.

Zuko sat down on the edge of her bed, not saying anything, and it reminded her so much of their uncle. She peeked over her shoulder, lifting the light blanket a bit, just to be sure it was Zuko and not Iroh. It was her brother, wearing the crown and mantle of the Fire Lord. His posture was still stiff, tension still evident in his muscles, and she could see him trying to relax, to ease out of the posture he assumed during meetings. She gave him a humorless smile. Azula could finally say with certainty that she was glad she hadn't been crowned Fire Lord. It was a headache and a half that she didn't need. She judged that he would see his first gray hair by thirty-eight. Stress would make him completely gray ten years later if he didn't let go of that tension soon, and knowing her brother, he probably wouldn't.

"Hey." Zuko put his hand on her lower back, rubbing gentle circles. "I'm worried about you."

Azula grunted in response, rolling over again, keeping her back to Zuko. The heat from his hand seeped through the thin blankets and soothed her cramping muscles. She bit back that relieved sigh, but not soon enough to catch all of it. A tiny groan escaped, and Azula cursed her dulled reflexes. Everything about her was dulled these days. Zuko said nothing for a few minutes, just rubbing her back, easing the discomfort there, moving from her lower back to her shoulders. She did her best not to think about how Zuko learned to do that, or just who'd taught him, but she was inwardly grateful all the same.

"I'll be honest with you, Azula," Zuko said, finally removing his hands. "I have _no_ idea what I'm doing. I'm probably one of the worst people you could have asked to look after you. Not that I'm upset that you came to me, because I'm not. I'm flattered. I just… I don't know how to help you."

"What else is new?"

Azula waited, expecting Zuko to get annoyed and react as he always had. There was barely a pause in the conversation before he continued. It was the verbal equivalent of stepping over the body of a wounded soldier begging desperately for help. Azula frowned, curled tighter into herself.

"This is freaking me out, too. I guess I finally understand what Sokka's been talking about all this time. I do know that you'll need someone who knows what they're doing, Azula, who can tell you what to expect and make sure you're healthy."

She was miffed that Zuko had ignored the insult. There were fonder days when Zuko was physically incapable of ignoring something like that; it was like an itch he was compelled to scratch. He rose to the bait every single time, and it had been a great source of enjoyment for her. It was something she could count on, like the rise of the sun and its setting every night. It was _Zuko_. Now, teasing him was fairly hollow. The only person who could consistently get a rise out of him was Toph, and she'd already left to make up her yearly parental visit. Azula alternately liked and was annoyed by this new, more focused, less easily provoked Zuko.

"Please, Azula," he said, "tell Katara—"

"No!" Azula yelled, bolting upright. She punched him in the shoulder as hard as she could, but he didn't even flinch. "It's absolutely impossible for you to do anything without her, isn't it?"

"Katara is a master healer, Azula," Zuko said, sternly. "She's trained as a midwife, and she's delivered babies before. It's either her or the palace doctor, and I thought you might be more comfortable with someone you know."

Zuko's eyes were narrowed slightly, his tone firm and lightly scolding. The tension he'd slowly begun to release returned, but Azula refused to shrink back from him. She met his narrowed gaze with one of her own, willing herself to remain in control of her body long enough to make Zuko see that she wouldn't just roll over and give in to his demands, even if she could see the logic behind his point. Having Katara poking and prodding her would be far more preferable to having some idiotic, loudmouth doctor who'd likely blab everything to everyone. Zuko was doing his best for her, and after all he'd endured—all she'd put him through—she should really trust him. Others had come and gone, but Zuko was always there.

Zuko's gaze was unwavering and solid. He was like a statue, unmoving, and Azula did her best to match that fierceness, but all it did was make her conscious of a hollowness deep inside her. Then her stomach rolled, and she gripped her sheets in her fists. she backed down first, turning away and chewing her lip. There was no denying Katara's skill as a healer, and if asked, she'd keep it quiet. Azula hung her head, letting her hair fall in her face and hiding briefly, not really wanting to concede that he'd won. Again. No matter how hard she tried, she could not turn the tables in her favor again.

"I know she's not your favorite person right now, Azula, but she knows what she's doing," Zuko said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Why are you doing this?"

Zuko was quiet for a long while, and Azula studied him. Absently, she readjusted her robe. The discomfort brought on by the chafing was making her irritable, and she frowned, wondering if Zuko planned on answering her any time soon. Finally, he sighed, shaking his head, a slight smile on his face.

"Remember the way we were when we were kids? I miss that. I've…I've liked having you back. As my sister, and not my rival. What Sokka and Katara have? We could have been that way, too, and there's no excuse for us to have been the way we were. I think we still can be like that. And because you need me."

When he looked at her, there was a different clenching in her stomach, and tears were prickling at her eyes again. Azula hated that there were so many conflicting feelings inside her. She scooted closer to Zuko, but that was as far as she was willing to go right then, but Zuko didn't care. She crossed her arms as he pulled her into a hug, refusing to hug him back. Being certifiably insane was nothing compared to these mad hormonal swings. At least Azula had known where those odd mixes of emotions had come from. She had been able to control them, to suppress them if need be, or to dispose of them completely. Now, no matter how hard she tried to push down shame or fear, it always resurfaced with double or triple the force, making it nearly impossible to sleep at night. In the darkness, evil dreams came back to her, dreams she thought she'd left in the asylum. Her shoulders shook, and Zuko hugged her tighter. She did _not_ lean into him more.

"Agni help that kid if he thinks he can fly off and leave you like this," he muttered darkly.

* * *

Azula managed to drag herself out of bed sometime close to dinner after a lengthy and mildly refreshing nap. That nap had started fitfully, with her tossing and turning until she finally decided something needed to be done about that damned chafing and the nausea. She very well couldn't go walking around topless, and Azula bet that, even then, the _air_ would find a way to chafe against her sensitive breasts. She resolved that she would go and see Katara; if she had skill enough to heal Zuko after everything that happened during that last battle of the war, she had skill enough to squash a few major annoyances.

Still exhausted, Azula walked down the halls, her hair shielding her from the prying eyes of scurrying servants and curious diplomats. She hugged the walls as she made her way to Zuko's office, having learned that's where Katara had been for the past few hours. Azula grunted and readjusted her shirt as she rounded the final corner, and her steps faltered when she saw Ursa coming toward her. It was too late to turn around and find a different route—Ursa had seen her, and she smiled as she quickened her pace to meet her daughter. Azula bit the inside of her cheek as she stood still and waited for her mother to reach her. If she'd been paying more attention, she would have spotted the other woman immediately and pretended that she didn't see her.

Zuko was, of course, delighted to have their mother back. For Azula, it had been like seeing a ghost. The woman that returned to them wasn't the mother that she had known, and Azula was observant enough to see that Zuko knew this, too. The years had changed them all, and it was like meeting someone for the first time. Azula thought she'd found some measure of calm when it came to thoughts of her mother, but seeing her—seeing the way she was torn and full of remorse for her lack of action in her daughter's favor—had unnerved Azula.

So many nights throughout her childhood, she'd fantasized about a reunion with her mother; she'd probably had that fantasy just as much as Zuko, though the outcomes were decidedly different. She'd always imagined something bloody and painful, something that would leave her with the upper hand, and Ursa would scream and beg for mercy for her wrongs. In the end, Ursa _did_ beg for forgiveness, but this had come without any prompting from Azula, and she found that rage was no longer so ready in her heart. She still had no idea where she stood with her mother, but she did know that she didn't want to complicate things by admitting such a grave failure in behavior and judgment.

"I was just about to come looking for you," Ursa said, stopping a few paces away. "Are you alright, sweetheart? You haven't been looking well for the past few days."

There were too many memories floating around her mind, too many words and scared looks, and Azula wasn't always sure what memories were real, which were distorted by her young age when the events happened, and which were completely fabricated during her madness. She took a few steps away from Ursa, putting more distance between them as she shrugged, not quite making eye contact. To save them from having that awkward conversation where they both realized they were disappointed in the other, Azula had taken to avoiding Ursa. Mostly, it had worked, keeping their interactions to a minimum, even if it was plain that Ursa wanted so much more.

"I'm fine," Azula said, already planning an exit. "I just…haven't… I'm sick. A cold. Or something."

Ursa looked over Azula, and her heart beat faster. She didn't like the way her mother was looking at her, her eyes sharp and probing, as if she knew exactly what was wrong with her daughter. This was most certainly not the woman Azula knew, and she fidgeted under this searching gaze, starting to sidestep Ursa and hurry to Zuko's office.

"If that's all," Ursa said, smiling slightly, "I could—"

"I'm supposed to talk to Katara," Azula said hastily.

Nearly panting, her hands cold and shaking, Azula kept her back to her mother as she hurried down the hall, demanding that her body listen and keep those tremors to a minimum. She was already disappointed in herself for her actions, but if Ursa saw through everything, if Ursa knew what she'd done… Azula ground her teeth as she marched further away from a stunned Ursa. The night she'd returned to the Fire Nation, Ursa had come to her full of tears and apologies, saying she could have fought harder, that she was wrong to give up on her daughter while still fighting for her son. What would her contrite mother say if she knew the truth? Would she take back her words and say that it was good that she'd never wasted her time? Would she go down to the depths of the palace prisons and gloat to Ozai that her child had come out the victor after all? That all he'd managed to do was screw up his child's life?

Taking deep breaths, Azula slowed her pace as she neared Zuko's office, flexing her hands to hopefully make some of the numbness go away. The doctors at the hospital told her there would be days when she'd wish she was still her old self. Real change was not easy, she was told. She would struggle and she would work for it. Before she'd entered that damned hospital, before Zuko had come back to defeat her during Sozin's Comet, Azula knew nothing of struggle. Everything had always come easy to her, and if it didn't come easy, Ozai found a way to dismiss it. She didn't need music lessons, she didn't need to learn stealth or weapons or hand to hand combat. Those did not come easy, and Ozai made them cease to exist.

Tentatively, Azula knocked, fatigue and irritability already setting in.

"Yes?"

Katara was sitting at Zuko's desk, sorting papers into three different piles, occasionally making notes. Azula huffed, clenching her fists, comfortable anger coming too quickly to the surface. Katara had transitioned almost seamlessly into this new role, and everyone respected her. If they didn't, Katara could glare and yell, and no one would say she should be locked away. No one would call her a child and treat her like she was stupid. Out in the market, people _bowed_ to Katara, called her princess and my lady. And what did Azula get? Sneers, that's what. Sneers and dirty looks.

"Too important to look at people when they enter her majesty's office? Or was I supposed to bow?"

Katara's head snapped up, and her mouth hung open in complete confusion. Her eyes roamed over Azula, taking in her disheveled hair and rumpled robe. Her mouth closed, and soft blue eyes focused on Azula's face. Azula tried hard to hold Katara's gaze, but the softness and concern only made her feel guilty for being mean in the first place. Then she got angry because she was feeling guilty at all. Everyone had their off days, but she was the only one scolded when she was rude to people. Toph did it all the time, and the most people would do was shake their heads and walk away. 'It's just _Toph_,' they'd say, as if it was all excusable because being rude and abrasive was just part of who Toph is.

"Are you alright, Azula?" Katara asked, coming around the desk, the papers now forgotten. "You don't look so good."

"So everyone is fond of telling me." Azula slammed the door behind her, taking deep breaths to stop the shaking, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. "I…I've been throwing up for the past few days."

Katara stood facing Azula, a comfortable distance away, her hand raised as if to check Azula's temperature.

"May I?"

The clear concern and the softness in Katara's face made Azula feel even more shame. Katara was proof that Azula didn't have to be in this position. She and Zuko had been messing around for the better part of five years, and those two hardly had any pregnancy scares. And yet, here was Azula, virgin until she'd slept with Aang, and now she was pregnant.

"Don't bother," Azula said.

Her voice was quieter than she would have liked. Her body wasn't listening to her. Nothing listened to her anymore, and Azula took a few steps back. It was desperation that drove her to this moment, and desperation was not something she was used to. Just when she was beginning to feel sure of herself again, this happened, and now nothing made sense. Already, Azula could see the questions in Katara's eyes. Her mouth dried up, and she tried three times to give voice to those words, not sure why she should care so much what Katara thought of her.

"Azula?"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted, her tongue sticking to the room of her mouth, making the word almost slurred as it came out.

Azula pulled her hair down until it covered her face, and through the strands, she watched Katara's reaction. She was just standing there, blinking. A few times, she opened her mouth, only to close it. She shuffled from foot to foot, took a deep breath, then continued to blink. Tell Katara, Zuko said. She can help. She's a professional.

"What?"

"Don't make me say it again," Azula whispered, knowing that it sounded like a plea.

"Who… Who's…?" Katara stopped, and Azula could hear her taking a few calming breaths. "How far along?"

"I can't sleep at night. I…I was never supposed to be a mother," Azula said, everything coming out in a trembling rush. "I don't even _like_ kids. I know you adore children and you probably can't understand since you and Zuko will have something like a thousand of them, but that's not me. I'm not…I _can't_ be a mother."

"It's ok—"

"It is _not_ ok!" Azula shoved Katara away as she tried to offer comfort. "I don't want his child!"

"Who's?"

Azula chewed her lip, shame winning out over anger. "Aang."

"That's not funny," Katara said tersely, crossing her arms and stepping back.

Azula laughed bitterly. "You think I would _joke_ about this? What purpose would that serve?"

"You had _sex_ with _Aang_? Because he won't even say the word."

Katara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Azula, her nostrils flared. Like Katara had any reason to get upset. She was the one who'd rejected Aang, so technically it was none of her business who Aang slept with. Azula straightened her back and looked defiantly at Katara.

"Yes. I did. And really, this is all yours and Zuko's fault—"

"Don't you blame your indiscretions on me!"

"If you hadn't been slutting it up with my brother—"

Up until this moment, Azula could have said for certain that she'd never been slapped before. Punched and kicked, had elements thrown at her, been attacked with weapons. But never slapped. She stood, stunned, as Katara headed for the door. It hadn't been her intention to anger Katara. She'd come to her for help, not to blame her.

"Wait," Azula said, softly. She tried to think of something to say, pinching the bridge of her nose, but her mind was largely blank. "Um…When Azula is feeling cornered, insecure, afraid, or threatened, her first reaction is to lash out in anger. She understands anger better than any other emotion."

That didn't sound like she was insane at all.

Katara stared at her. "Are…you…?"

"I read it in my profile at the hospital," Azula explained, tugging at the front of her dress. Second to the throwing up, the chafing was the worst. "I shouldn't have blamed you. Or Zuko. I should blame Jun. She spiked the tea."

"You should blame yourself," Katara said, stepping closer to Azula. "How far along?"

Azula shrugged. "The doctor said six weeks."

Katara nodded as she ran her hands through her hair. "I'll mix up an ointment to help with the tenderness, and make ginger tea for you. That should help settle your stomach enough for you to eat. Have you told Aang?"

Azula fidgeted, unable to meet Katara's disproving gaze, but feeling relieved nonetheless. "No. Only you and Zuko know. I'd like to keep it that way."

* * *

Aang flopped back on his bed in Ba Sing Se. The past month and a half had been extremely hectic. It was one meeting after another, political cram sessions for Kuei followed by tests and mediations with disgruntled citizens, struggling with council members, and convincing the public that Kuei could fix his wrongs. The only upside was that it hadn't allowed him much time for thinking. Most nights, he was too exhausted to do anything other than collapse into his bed and fall asleep.

Only tonight, the moon had been up for hours and was nearing its descent, and even though he was exhausted, Aang couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he thought about that needy look on her face, and the way he'd willfully replaced her face with Katara's and how that wasn't fair. He thought about untying her dress, and how he hadn't had enough alcohol laced tea to dull his memory, his conscience, or his judgment. Through the entire act, he'd known what he was doing was wrong, and yet he'd done it anyway because seeing them together hurt _so much_, and because neither one of them had thought to say anything. They'd just let him go on thinking he'd ever had a chance, that Katara had ever loved him. Even when she knew that Zuko was going to propose, and that she was going to accept, they had both avoided telling him because they still thought of him as a _child_.

Once, Aang thought his biggest mistake was running away when he found out he was the Avatar, but even that had a silver lining; if he hadn't run when he did, he would have been killed when the Fire Nation attacked the Air Temples. There was no silver lining to having sex with Azula. She was damaged and broken, and needed time to heal. They shouldn't have gone and complicated things.

Aang groaned and buried his face in his pillow as guilt gnawed at him anew. He'd never seen Azula look so soft or needy. When he moved to comfort her that night, she'd practically melted into his arms, clutching him so tightly that he was sure he'd bruise. He'd seen Azula _cry_. Deep sobs that wracked her body and made her nose red and her face blotchy, and at some point, they'd fallen asleep together, limbs tangled like actual lovers.

"I can't believe I did that…"

Thoughts of that night with Azula inevitably led to thoughts about Katara and the way she smiled at Zuko, her head cocked to the side, sometimes blushing or biting her lip. Or the way she let Zuko hold her, pressing her whole body against his, her soft, delicate hand resting on his cheek as she sighed contentedly. Or the way she _kissed_ Zuko like she'd never kissed him, a kiss full of passion, her hand grabbing chunks of his hair, refusing to let him go, her _tongue_ dipping into his _mouth_. That was not Katara. Not the Katara that he knew. Aang squeezed his eyes shut and hummed, hoping to block out thoughts of the way she'd been so happy that she _cried_ when Zuko gave her that necklace that he probably didn't even carve himself.

Aang yelled in frustration as he pushed himself up from the bed. He paced around his room, stomping out his pain and feeling no better. He'd always believed her when she said she and Zuko were only friends. He was the only one out of all of their family who'd _never_ questioned them. Everyone—and that meant literally _everyone_—had questioned them, from Jun to Hakoda to Ty Lee, everyone had their own opinion, but Aang trusted them to be truthful. He was the only one who was fool enough to think that they wouldn't lie to him.

"I shouldn't even be thinking about her," he said to Momo, who was curled up on a pillow. "She lied to me so many times. She never cared for me. If she did, she would have told me. I would have let her go, but she didn't even care enough to tell me she didn't love me."

She told him she would have married him if only he'd asked, but he never did.

"I wasn't ready to be married," Aang said to the world outside his window. "Why couldn't you have waited?"

By the time he'd been ready, when he was willing to give it another try, engagement necklace in hand, it was too late. Zuko got there first.

* * *

A/N: Whew!_ Fin-a-lly_! I've been promising this story forever, and I didn't realize just how close to completion it was. So, I'm going to go ahead and start with the posting of it. The chapter titles will tell you how far along Azula is, since I couldn't figure out a decent and not-totally-obvious way to weave it into the story. I'm trying to keep the story balanced between Aang and Azula's POVs, but Azula's comes to me more naturally than Aang. And let me tell you, it was a _big_ struggle to write Aang until I hit on a few subtly important points for this story. That led to some scenes I'm really proud of, and I think will surprise some of my regular readers, given how much I love certain characters. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and are eagerly looking forward to what else I have in store!


	2. 8 Weeks Down, 32 Weeks to Go

Chapter 2: 8 Weeks Down, 32 Weeks to Go

"Has the ginger tea been working?"

Azula waited, still as stone, as Katara sat the basin of water on the bedside table. Zuko was sitting in the window, and Azula watched him stare outside, his face unreadable. The breaths he took were even and measured, giving no sign of the nervousness and concern she'd seen in him earlier. He hadn't known she'd seen him as he stood in her anteroom, pacing and sighing. Azula copied his calm, matching her breaths to his, hoping to stave off her own anxiety. Her ultimate hope was that Katara would examine her and find out that it had been a false alarm. The palace doctor had to be wrong. It had only been once, it had been her first time. It had been _her_ and _Aang_. Azula closed her eyes, balling her hands into fists to hide the shaking.

On the battlefield, she'd been strong and certain. The possibility of her death always loomed just on the other side of a sword or a blast of fire or ice or earth, but she'd had the confidence then to keep that fear at bay. She had the skill and the knowledge to crush any undesirable emotions by sheer force of will. This was new, uncharted territory, territory she'd never intended on conquering. Now, she didn't have a choice, and she'd have to do something about the thing growing inside her.

"Azula?"

She returned her attention to Katara, pausing to recall the question. "It helps. A little."

"She still hasn't been able to eat enough solids," Zuko offered. "Some fruit, some noodles in her soup. She won't eat any red meat, though. Just poultry and fish."

"I might just have to make it stronger, then. The protein and iron you get in red meat are going to be important, though there are other ways you can get it. You really have to watch your diet now, Azula. You'll want to be healthy—"

"I want to not be pregnant," Azula snapped, picking at her dress and wishing Zuko wouldn't rat her out like that. What happened to all that sibling solidarity he was showing? "But that's not going to happen, now is it?"

Katara shrugged, choosing to ignore the comment. "Lay on your back, and I'll check your development."

"What?"

Azula and Zuko stared at Katara like she'd grown a second head, mouths hanging open in equal expressions of horror, embarrassment, and shock.

"How did you think I was going to check?" Katara asked, her hands going to her hips.

Zuko mumbled something about giving them privacy, looking very much like he'd rather be several other places right then, and closed the door behind him quietly as Azula's cheeks burned bright red. She clamped her legs closed and stared at Katara, all attempts at calm forgotten. Her chest heaved and her hands got clammy again. This was beyond embarrassing.

"Oh come on. I'm a trained medical professional—"

"Maybe it'll go away on its own."

"It's a _baby_, not a rash, Azula," Katara said crossly, pushing gently against Azula's shoulder. "Better me than the palace doctor, hm?"

Reluctantly, Azula lay back, but she still kept her legs firmly closed. What was she supposed to do? Just spread her legs for Katara? As if it weren't bad enough that her body was being taken over by some malignant parasite, changing her into something she didn't recognize, now she'd have to endure months of people touching her and violating her space. No one had _ever_ been that close to her before, and it was a habit she'd never considered taking up.

"This can't be happening to me," Azula whispered, balling the sheets in her fists. "It was only once."

"That's all it takes."

"Then why aren't you pregnant? Why don't you have a whole litter of these bastards running around?"

The bed sagged next to her, and Azula lifted herself up to see Katara's concerned look. Katara made no moves to touch her, keeping a respectful distance. This was the official start of the poking and prodding, people shoving their hands where they didn't belong. Azula gulped back a sob, refusing to let some stupid chemical reaction in her body turn her into a pathetic weepy mess. Her body belonged to others now. She couldn't control anything that happened to her, and that scared Azula; she wasn't afraid to admit that to herself. Zuko promised that her life was her own, and now it wasn't. She hadn't even had a chance to think about what she would do with this new found freedom.

"I know this is uncomfortable for you, and I promise I'll make it as quick and as professional as possible. But, Azula, you have a responsibility to this _child_, whether you want it or not," Katara said sternly. "Don't punish the baby for something you did. And while we're on the subject, tell Aang. You didn't do this alone, and you _both_ need to share responsibility. Equally."

Azula flopped back with a sigh and stared at the ceiling. No, Aang shouldn't get away from his responsibility, but he would always be free. He'd get to coast along, no raging hormones, no uncomfortable chaffed nipples, no prying mothers, no awkward intimate moments with his brother's fiancée. No matter what, Aang would always have a freedom she would never have. He was probably sleeping comfortably in Ba Sing Se every night, no dreams of a demonic father laughing over his daughter's smoldering corpse. Azula shuddered, pushing the dreams away from her waking mind with practiced ease.

"The coming months will be hard on you, but you have family that loves and cares for you." Katara smiled softly at Azula. "We're not going to cast you out into the wild just because you're pregnant." Katara paused, her nose wrinkling. "By Aang."

Azula couldn't quite pin down the emotion on Katara's face, and this comforted her somewhat. That Katara was feeling guilty was a given; it was evident enough for Azula to see that one immediately. The only question was what Katara felt guilty for. Reading Katara helped Azula relax, the process of picking out emotional states nearly second nature to her. Katara was smiling hopefully, and Azula scrunched her face up, rolling on her side and away from Katara. This was just so inherently, ridiculously _wrong_. Ozai would laugh at her. He'd laugh so long and so hard that he'd be breathless as tears streamed from his face.

Sighing, Azula rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, cutting Katara out of her field of vision. "Just… Let's get this over with."

"Five minutes at the most, I promise," Katara said, a little too peppy for Azula's liking.

It was painless as promised, and Katara was nice enough to heat her healing water. So long as Azula didn't look down, it was easy to imagine Katara sitting next to her rather than being somewhere between her legs. It also helped that Katara talked to her the entire time, telling her all the wonderful things she'd have to look forward to, but all Azula could hear concerned backaches, swollen feet, waddling, heartburn, and getting fat. Why women ever chose to have babies in the first place went beyond her comprehension, even if it did mean she wouldn't exist otherwise.

* * *

"I assure you, Avatar Aang, Bosco and I have been going over this practically all night," Kuei said wearily, dropping his head on the table. "I'm not trying to frustrate you."

"Perhaps, your majesty, Bosco is the problem." Grand Secretariat Ai, Long Feng's replacement, looked distastefully at the bear sitting to Kuei's right, wrinkling her nose. "Maybe his majesty will be able to concentrate better without the constant…aid…of his pet."

Aang groaned and nearly banged his head against the table. They'd been drilling Kuei on foreign policy, and he'd only answered ten of the thirty questions correctly. And those ten had been the easiest. Aang sympathized with Kuei's exhaustion, though. At night, all he could think about was Katara's betrayal. It brought up bitter jealousy that sat like a lump of poison in the pit of his stomach. Jealousy was an emotion he just wasn't used to feeling. Sure, he'd been jealous of people before, but this jealousy was much more intense. It was a palpable thing, and he couldn't keep it from his mind. Already, his concentration had slipped during Kuei's test, and he'd been caught thinking about things most unrelated to governing Ba Sing Se, which was already souring the council toward him.

Last night, he'd sat up, questioning so much of his and Katara's time together, looking for clues that had escaped him at the time, and wondering why he'd been so stupid and blind. After the final battle, when Zuko was still unconscious, Katara had hovered over him, even taking over other people's shifts just so she could watch and care for him. That was the first time Aang had asked her if she loved Zuko. He'd forgotten until last night that she never answered, instead taking a long moment to prepare an answer about how Zuko was her best friend and that he'd done so much for her. If he hadn't been so eager to have Katara for himself, he would have realized that her silence was as good as 'yes.' He would have realized he never stood a chance in the battle for Katara's heart.

"I understand what's at stake here," Kuei said hopelessly, dropping his head into his hands and recalling Aang to the present. "I just never thought I'd be so…clueless. I trusted Long Feng to do what was right, and he told me that the people were happy, and that things were fine. When I saw them for myself…" Kuei sighed, turning to stare at Bosco.

Kuei looked utterly dejected and disappointed. He was trying as hard as he possibly could, and Aang always did his best to make sure Kuei knew he was making progress. If the situation wasn't so dire, then more of his staff could stand back and admire that progress, but tensions were rising quickly, and Long Feng had done an amazing job at keeping a young Kuei sheltered and overseeing his education. Or lack thereof. Kuei was raised as the perfect pawn, and now, it was an uphill battle to undo the damage Long Feng had done. With each day that he needed to sit judgment at court, though, Kuei was learning more about Ba Sing Se's legal system, and even made a few suggestions to modify laws he thought were unfair. Kuei was an eager student, and when he wasn't exhausted at the end of the day, unable to do more than collapse fully clothed on his bed, he would stay up all night at the library, or make public addresses to soothe angered spirits.

None of this changed the fact that Grand Secretariat Ai and the Council of Five were still taking care of the day to day business of governing the Earth Kingdom while Kuei acted as a trusted advisor, rather than things being the other way around. Aang knew that it wasn't helping the citizens' faith in Kuei to see the Grand Secretariat and a council of generals hearing most of the court cases or presiding over meetings with dignitaries and drafting treaties. If something didn't happen soon, the riots that happened earlier in the year, crippling the city and forcing them to seal the gates between the rings, would look like peaceful protests. The calls for Kuei's deposition were getting louder and louder.

"I think what we need to do is stay positive," Aang said, standing and addressing Ai and the generals. "King Kuei's learning. Take it from someone who's had to master three elements in less than a year: it's not easy. But look at me now!"

General How, leader of the Council of Five, cleared his throat, his expression thoroughly unamused. "It might be rude of me to say this, Avatar Aang, but you _still_ aren't a master of all four elements and the Avatar State." How raised his eyebrow in challenge. "It is said that you often lose matches against your teachers. Still. And _they_ are true masters. They have spent time perfecting their bending with practice and diligence. Even as masters, they continue to do so."

Aang glared at How and crossed his arms, the last of his good mood dissipating. As far as Aang was concerned, impatience was Ba Sing Se's biggest problem. No, the Earth Kingdom capitol wasn't recovering from the war nearly as fast as the Southern Water Tribe or even the Fire Nation, but the cases were completely different. Unlike the Fire Nation and the South, and even Omashu and Gaoling for that matter, Ba Sing Se had no real leadership. Once Long Feng was removed, there was no one to step in and take his place, and with Kuei hiding out for a few years after the war ended, that void had remained for too long. So of course the citizens were going to lose their patience, and of course it was going to take time for things to get back on track.

Aang sighed; it also wasn't fair that everyone was expecting him to immediately be the best Avatar the world had seen. He didn't have the same luxuries as his friends. They had _time_ to practice. Any free time he had was spent travelling, and whenever he was stationary, there were too many people clamoring for his attention. Even Zuko got breaks. Aang was lucky if he could squeeze in time for some meditation, and Ai and How were among the worst offenders for interrupting his meditations or bending practices.

"Well, I'm doing the best I can!" Aang said, throwing his hands in the air, his anger boiling over. "I can't spend all my time training if I have to be here, making sure more riots don't break out."

"Except, Avatar Aang," Grand Secretariat Ai said, taking up General How's thread, "you _aren't_. You spend a disproportionate amount of time in the Fire Nation and the South Pole, helping two nations who don't exactly need help—"

"Oh, come on!" Aang said sliding down in his chair. "I _just_ helped Zuko put down a rebellion!"

"But you ran out on Ba Sing Se before anyone even knew there _was_ a rebellion," How said, leaning forward. He braced his hands on the table, scowling, his voice low and dangerous. "When you left Ba Sing Se, your _excuse_ was that you were going for books in the Fire Nation library that might be helpful to King Kuei—"

"And they were helpful," Aang grumbled.

"—however, the Fire Lord was well aware of the rebellion and had plans in place to squash it _without your help_. In fact, a merchant who'd been in the district when the fighting started said that you hung back, Avatar Aang, and Fire Lord Zuko and Princess Katara led the attack."

"Yeah, but—"

"This would suggest, Avatar Aang," Ai said sharply, "that your help was _not_ needed. You were simply invited as a courtesy. Perhaps Fire Lord Zuko did not want to hurt your feelings—"

"I _know_ I was asked to come as a courtesy. He asked me to hang back so he and Katara could handle things."

The room went quiet except for Bosco's grunts as he played with a ball, and Aang felt outnumbered. His head was beginning to ache as total exhaustion set in, causing his shoulders to slump and his eyes to droop, and he rubbed his temples. It wasn't fair of them to attack him like this. He was doing the best he could to keep balance between all the nations. Sure, Ba Sing Se was having trouble, but the Earth Kingdom wasn't the only nation to need the Avatar's help, and it was selfish of them to think they were. Everyone was stretching him too thinly; soon enough, something would snap.

"You knew you were being excused from your duties because your help was not needed, and yet you still chose to stay where the situation was under control, rather than come back where you knew there was extreme uncertainty about our stability?"

Aang looked at Ai and felt like he was drowning. "You needed to listen to the _people_, and you weren't going to do that so long as I was here—"

"It's not that we doubt your desire to be a good Avatar, Avatar Aang," Kuei said warily. "It's just that…sometimes your actions don't match your words. I am trying my hardest, but you are right—it is like trying to master all the elements in less than a year when it's taken every other Avatar a minimum of _twelve_ years."

Kuei stood and paced the room, his hands behind his back. As he passed Bosco, the bear left his ball and followed his master. Kuei stopped in front of a window overlooking the courtyard, where small groups of citizens were still camped out. He said nothing for a few long minutes, the silences stretching out before them, making Aang ever more aware of the hostile atmosphere and his own fatigue. He clamped his jaw closed, trying not to yawn, knowing they would only take it as an insult.

"I can't help but feel," Kuei said sadly, turning slightly to face Aang "that you aren't trying _half_ as hard as I am."

* * *

Zuko was beating her, and he shouldn't be. Her limbs were heavy like lead, and thoughts slugged through her mind like it was filled with muck. Azula barely dodged a firey punch, only to be caught in the side with a kick. It hit her in the kidney, and she felt the pain vibrate outward into her body, shattering muscle and bone, sending her flying back into a stone pillar. She hadn't even seen him move, and he was towering over her, a thousand stories high, his fist raised to strike her again even though his face was contorted in sadness and pain. Azula tried to block the next blow, only now her limbs wouldn't move at all, and she tried to reason with Zuko, telling him that he didn't have to do this. There was something in her mouth, though, and the more she tried to talk, the thicker this foamy substance became, and she couldn't breathe, and Zuko was looking at her with pity, reaching out to her, and she so very desperately wanted to go to him and be safe. She couldn't hear what he was saying because Ozai's laughter was too loud in her ears, thundering and rupturing, causing the ground to split open and swallow her whole, the edges of the crater razor sharp like teeth. A monster coming to devour. Ozai taunted and jeered, calling her pathetic and a waste of his seed, and then there was a fireball in his hand and he slammed it into her face, bashing her head against the stone beneath her, and the pain was horrible. She'd never felt something so strong in her life, and she writhed on her back, clutching at her face, bleeding and crying and begging for him to have mercy.

"Mercy is for the weak."

Azula woke up screaming, her face covered in sweat. Her chest heaved, and she rolled onto her side, her hand over her heart, hoping it would return to its normal pace as she fought a wave of intense nausea. Outside her window, the sun was still high. It was probably close to noon, and she'd have to make her way downstairs for lunch. Throwing back the covers, Azula staggered to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. The water sizzled when she dipped her hands in, and Azula jumped back like she'd been shocked.

She'd done it again. She'd firebent without even intending to. It was her bending that got her into this mess, long before Zuko was even aware of Katara's existence, it was her bending. Her bending had attracted Ozai. That blue flame in her palms had ripped her from her mother's arms, shoved her into the crushing embrace of a madman and his mastermind of a father. She might have stood a chance if it hadn't been for that damned element. Stepping back and away from the water, Azula let herself slide down the wall, enjoying the way the coolness of the tiles caressed her skin through her thin robe and brought her temperature down. Someone was knocking at the door, but the sound was distant and hazy in her ears. She couldn't get any privacy; someone was always coming to check on her or poking and prodding and watching what she was or wasn't eating.

"Come in," Azula panted, literally crawling back into bed.

She was expecting either Zuko or Katara to come get her for lunch, and she was fully intending to tell them that she'd eat in her room. The remnants of that dream were still gnawing at the edge of her mind, and she didn't much feel like being around other people. She most certainly didn't feel like being fussed over. Azula contemplated making Zuko or Katara do things like cut up her food or feed it to her. They would if she acted helpless enough, and Azula wasn't above using their guilt to her advantage.

Azula was completely taken aback to see Ursa, a tray of food in her hands, and she stared slackjawed at her mother until the soft fumes of braised cowpig and cabbage overrode her surprise. Azula recoiled, covering her nose and mouth as the smell hit her, almost making her throw up right then, and she shrunk back as much as she could against the head of her bed. The ginger tea helped settle her stomach, but it did nothing for the way the smell revolted her, and at the moment, getting away from the smell was more important than questioning Ursa's presence.

"Azula…?"

Ursa took a few steps forward, her voice slightly higher than normal and her head tilted to the side, a questioning look on her face. Azula tried to press herself further into the wall, hating the way knowing and surprise overtook Ursa's features, shifting her expression into something distinctly maternal, something Azula hadn't seen in far too many years. Ursa sat the tray on the desk by the door, then tentatively walked toward the bed.

"Are…are you _pregnant_?"

The longer she took to fumble for a denial, battling against the sheer impossibility of Ursa having the slightest clue, the more it was evident that the answer was yes. Ursa didn't watch her, was hardly ever around her. There was no way she could have known. Azula wasn't even showing. And yet Ursa did, and Azula hated her for it. She turned her back so she wouldn't have to endure that indignation again, then she pulled the covers over her head. It would just be more proof that Zuko was the better child, and then Ursa would be glad she hadn't bothered in the first place.

"When? By… I thought…"

"It's Aang," Azula said, her voice quiet and emotionless. She forcibly swallowed her tears, audibly gulping them down. "You won't have to get involved. Zuko promised to take care of me. We can each keep pretending the other doesn't exist."

"Azula, I've never pretended that," Ursa said, sitting on the bed behind her. "You've always run away from me, and I thought _you_ didn't want to talk to _me_."

Azula yanked away from her mother's touch. "It doesn't matter. I was just saving us from having that stupid conversation. I'm sure Zuko's waiting for you."

"Sweetheart, please—"

"Don't call me that."

Azula scooted as far away from Ursa as much as she could, coming to rest on the other side of the bed. She didn't want to be touched, she didn't want to be coddled. She didn't want Ursa to feel forced into interacting with her. For a while, neither said anything, and Azula tried to pretend she was sleep, hoping Ursa would get the message and leave, but she never did.

"What did Aang do to you?" Ursa asked.

"Are you kidding?" Azula laughed, throwing the covers back and turning to face Ursa despite her frustration. "Aang wouldn't _ever_ do something like that."

Ursa sighed, and her eyes were sad, but there was a strength in the way she moved her body, something that said she was not to be blown off. Her jaw was set, and Azula could see the tension there as Ursa knelt in front of her. Tentatively, Ursa took Azula's hands in hers, and Azula didn't try to snatch them back. This strong, determined, fierce Ursa wasn't the Ursa she was used to seeing. This was someone who only came out occasionally, who was kept carefully hidden from the rest of the world. Perhaps if she'd been this Ursa more often, their family wouldn't be such a mess.

"I don't know Aang well enough to say what he would or wouldn't do, but I knew you, Azula. And I know the way women are when they're happy about being pregnant. It's tiring and annoying, yes, but you don't look the least bit happy."

Azula couldn't keep looking at her. Soon enough, she would ask how it happened, and this compassion would be traded for something else. Maybe not anger, perhaps, but most likely disappointment at the least. She started when Ursa kissed her hands, then her cheek. Shaking loose of Ursa's grip, she crawled back along the bed, pulling the blankets tighter around her. Ursa did _not_ kiss her. Zuko got Ursa kisses, not Azula. That was not the way things went.

"How did you even know?" Azula barked, refusing to be swayed by Ursa's false comfort. "Do you have some kind of pregnancy detector in your head?"

Looking on the verge of tears, Ursa backed away from the bed. "I was pregnant twice before, and both times, I couldn't stand the smell of food. The moment you backed away from the sesame possum chicken, I knew. Is it still your favorite?"

Azula would not say that it was. She would not say anything at all.

* * *

Zuko was sitting at his desk, Katara hovering over his shoulder, as he prepared to write the letter to Aang. Azula watched them from her seat in the window, the way they were with each other, little touches between them like her hand lingering on his shoulder, or his lightly at her waist. Actions that conveyed emotions too heavy for words. Katara was sliding her hand from Zuko's shoulder down his arm, smiling at him and sashaying as she replaced a few books on the shelf. Azula could have _gagged_, it was so disgusting.

"I'm still in here, you know," she said rolling her eyes. She would _never_ act like that over a boy. At. All.

"Are you sure you don't want to write this yourself?" Zuko asked, turning in his seat to face her.

"I'm sure," Azula said with a dismissive wave of her hand, turning to look out the window again. "Write whatever you want to him."

"Don't be an ass," Katara warned just before Zuko started writing.

What difference would it make if Aang rushed to the Fire Nation or stayed in Ba Sing Se? She'd be the one with the stigma and the burden. Zuko was writing quickly, his characters neat and clearly visible from her window seat. Azula pulled at strands of her hair, watching them eclipse her vision, purposefully obscuring the writing. Her hands wouldn't have been steady enough to write the letter anyway. Aang would come; there was no denying that. He would come and he would take the child when it was born, and after that, she didn't care what happened to it or him. She was simply the vessel. She had always been the vessel. There was comfort in that.


	3. Confession at Ten Weeks

Chapter 3: Confession at Ten Weeks

Aang gaped at the letter in his hands. His palms were beginning to sweat, and he didn't bother to wipe them, letting the paper begin to soften. The shaking started in his feet; he could feel it as it travelled up his legs and settled in his stomach. He felt sick. Disgusted.

It made _no sense_.

For the first three minutes, he considered that it had been delivered to the wrong person. Despite it bearing the official seal of the Fire Lord, despite the letters being crafted in Zuko's precise handwriting, despite some of the words clearly being dictated by Katara, despite it having his name several times over. After that, he considered that the doctor might have been wrong. Then he considered that he had finally gone insane, or he hadn't been getting enough sleep, like in the days before the eclipse during the war. It could be his subconscious trying to trick him, reminding him of his guilt and the possible consequences of his actions. Not that he needed reminding. He'd hardly been able to think about anything else.

_I swear to fucking Agni_, a little addendum read, _I will geld you if you don't get back here right now. I will fuck you up SO BADLY that they'll lock you in a padded room if you even consider leaving Azula alone, pregnant, scared, and a potential danger to herself and YOUR CHILD._

Struggling to swallow past the lump of fear and anxiety in his throat, Aang folded the letter as small as possible, then left it on the table, backing away as if it might bite him. Not even Sokka was that bad when threatening boys who might be eyeing Katara. But then, Katara hadn't spent five years in a mental institution, broken and destroyed, struggling to create a life from practically nothing. Sokka hadn't spent five years helping his sister recover and move out from under Ozai's thumb when he'd barely struggled from under it himself. Sokka hadn't taken on sole responsibility of his sister's care and continued recovery on top of running the most hated nation in the world.

But now Azula was pregnant.

By him.

Aang.

Soon to be a father.

The air rushed out of his lungs, and Aang threw open the windows, letting the cool breeze hit him. His heart hammered in his chest as he panicked, desperately searching his mind for some way that this could be an elaborate joke. Maybe Azula was playing a prank on him; in her old days, she would have done something like this to scare him. Maybe she'd told Zuko about their little encounter, and he was in on it, too. It would mean that Katara was also in on the joke. Maybe this was their way of rubbing their engagement in his face. It could be Zuko's way of reminding Aang that _he_ got the girl, and that all along, she'd been in his bed. Not that Aang was thinking about bedding Katara. Not until recently. And then Jun spiked the tea. It wasn't really his fault. They hadn't meant it.

Aang groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. That was too elaborate and wasteful, and Aang knew it. Zuko hadn't gloated that Katara chose him, hadn't picked any fights with Aang, and at least they both looked ashamed of their deception. Momo was curled up on Aang's pillow, blissfully unaware of the greatest tragedy that would befall Aang's life. He was only seventeen, he hadn't meant to have sex with Azula, that shouldn't count as sex, he was drunk, Jun spiked the tea, he hadn't been thinking clearly, he was seventeen, she was going to have a baby, it was going to be _his_ baby. He was seventeen.

He'd gotten Azula pregnant.

Aang gulped at the air, using his bending to fill his lungs as quickly as possible, afraid that if they weren't as full as they could be, he might stop breathing and die. It was as if the world hadn't spun enough in the past few months; now it was spinning and flipping, and he couldn't find up from down. So many jumbled thoughts and emotions were flowing through him, barely staying dominant for three seconds before something else came and shoved it away. He needed to think, but thinking was the last thing he could do. Aang gripped the window sill and looked at the gardens outside his window. He could smell the flowers on the breeze. Outside, everything was so calm; just by taking a look out the window, it was impossible to know there was such a hostile atmosphere hanging low over Ba Sing Se, and even lower in his mind.

He'd already been chided once for allegedly abandoning his duty, and Aang had no desire to go through that again. He needed to plan carefully, and despite Zuko's threats, leaving Ba Sing Se at the moment wasn't an option. Besides, he didn't know for sure that Azula was pregnant. It was only one time. They hadn't meant it. You couldn't get pregnant your first time, right? And Azula had said he was her first. So, either she was lying or she wasn't pregnant. It's not like Zuko visited the doctor all that much anyway; how could he know just how reliable her diagnosis was?

The best course of action would be to continue life as normal while he thought about what to do. Clarity would be with him in the morning. He was struggling under the weight of Ba Sing Se's problems. He wasn't sure he'd be able to bear the weight of another.

Clarity needed to be with him in the morning.

* * *

Azula was trying to tie her dress closed, standing in front of the mirror, occasionally turning sideways. No matter how she overlapped the fabric, twisting and tucking, it was always too tight in the chest. Sometimes she couldn't even get it to close completely, and the belt would hug her waist uncomfortably, despite tying it no tighter than she normally did. Tie the belt too loosely, though, and open comes the top. Again. Groaning, she stepped out of that dress, too, throwing her bath robe loosely around her shoulders.

"I can't believe this," she grumbled, kicking at a pair of pants that had fallen on the floor.

On her bed was a pile of six dresses, fourteen shirts, and nine pairs of pants. She'd always worn her clothes cut closer to her body, though with enough give so she could firebend at a moment's notice. Now, she wasn't satisfied with the way any of them fit. Azula yawned, tugging at the robe to pull it away from her tender breasts. By far that was the most annoying part. The nausea was beginning to lessen, and she could eat regularly now, but the chafing and the soreness was always there, despite the ointment Katara had given her. The tenderness only served to call attention to her breasts, which she'd never thought much about before. That was Ty Lee's job. Ty Lee was always concerned about things like cleavage and size and _perkiness_. When she was fighting, Azula was only concerned that they not impede her movement. After the fighting, she'd ceased to give them much thought at all.

Now, they were envious of this lack of thought, and sought to make themselves known at all hours of the day.

"I hate you," Azula said, staring at them in the mirror.

Compared to her breasts, which had noticeably increased in size, it was easy to overlook having gone through nine pairs of pants until she found a pair that didn't pinch uncomfortably around her waist. Irritated and yawning, Azula closed her robe and stepped away from the mirror as someone knocked at her door. Grumbling about people's lack of courtesy, someone always bothering her, Azula opened her door to find an uncomfortable Zuko standing there. Sighing, she stepped back, allowing him in her room.

"Ok," he said, holding up his hands. "First I need to apologize for not apologizing sooner. It was a serious lapse in my judgment, even after I wasn't angry anymore. I guess…time just got away from me. So much has been happening in these past weeks—"

"What are you even talking about?"

Azula stood, looking at her brother, her hands on her hips, impatiently drumming her fingers. Even after five years of being the Fire Lord, it still surprised Azula that her brother had these moments of extreme incoherency. If this was the way he addressed his council, it was a wonder there weren't more calls for his removal from the throne.

"Right." Zuko smiled softly at her. "When you first came to me, I was horrible to you. You were asking for help, and all I could think about was how you slept with Aang for no other reason than to hurt me. I put all this…blame on you, treated you like you'd gotten pregnant on purpose, but that wasn't right of me."

"You don't have to apologize for that," Azula whispered.

She'd been angry and hurt by his accusations, and more than a little relieved by his disappointment because she'd been disappointed in herself; knowing that he was angry granted legitimacy to those feelings, and she knew how to handle anger. But in the time since that first, horribly tense conversation, he'd more than made up for it. He even held her hair when she puked once. He'd rubbed her back and brought her light broths to eat. He cut up her fruit and let her lay in bed all day, posted guards at her door so that no one disturbed her while she slept. If he was awake when she'd have nightmares, he'd listen to them and assure her that she wasn't crazy. Or at least, not anymore. As an ultimate feat of resolve, Zuko didn't even get mad at her when she raged at him; he let her yell and scream as her emotions swung from one extreme to the next, always there to comfort her when the inevitable tears came. He was even kind enough to pretend that nothing happened.

"I do have to apologize, Azula. I think it's pretty clear that you didn't intend for this to happen. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to get my head out of my ass and apologize."

Zuko shrugged, and another one of those odd emotional swings hit her, moving her body without her input, taking her to Zuko and making her hug him. He was just as startled by that as she was, but after a brief hesitation, he hugged her close, and then the tears started again. It didn't make sense. The slightest thing set her off. Zuko had been _perfect_ to her, and right then, as her clothes refused to fit, as that hug made the chafing hurt a little more, she really just couldn't stand that _Zuko_ was the one being perfect. Azula hated that this stupid pregnancy made her weak and dependent. Hated that it meant her clothes didn't fit and that she had no control over her own body anymore. She hated that these stupid emotional swings meant people looked at her funny and whispered that maybe it had been too soon to take her out of the hospital. She knew what was wrong with her. It wasn't her fault.

"Azula…are you alright?"

"I swear if you tell anyone I hugged you I'll have your dao melted down," she growled through her tears. Then she hated that _that_ was the biggest threat she could come up with.

"Um…Ok…"

"I'm so _fat_."

"You're not fat at all. Azula—"

"Get out, I want to take a nap."

Azula shoved away from her confused brother, turning her back to him. She wiped at her eyes, embarrassed at her weepiness, and suddenly very tired. Despite what Zuko said, she knew there were three distinct voices in her head: her sane voice, her crazy voice, and now the voice of that little parasite inside her, hijacking and overriding, taking away what little control remained, sending her from shame to gratefulness to anger in a fraction of a second. When she turned around, Zuko was still standing there, his mouth open like the village idiot, and just the sight of him made her angry. Something like this would never happen to Zuko, and not just because he was a guy and couldn't get pregnant. On a whim, and as if she wasn't controlling her own body, she picked up the nearest object, a small statue of a dragon, and hurled it at him.

"Out!" she yelled, and Zuko bolted, slamming the door behind him.

It took her five seconds to walk across the threshold from the anteroom to the bedroom proper, and five seconds for the shame to hit her, doubling her over, a physical pain moving through her limbs. Zuko was probably out there regretting his apology, and Azula fought against anger at herself, tearing at her hair, knowing for certain that she was certifiable. Sniffling and hiccupping, she walked over to her bed, only to see it full of clothes she couldn't fit, and her shame deepened. She had dishonored her family when she spread her legs for him, had brought shame into their house. She'd given legitimacy to everything Ozai said about her worth. She had been tainted after all. She was less than nothing to the world if she couldn't fight.

There were names for loose, slutty women like her. Unkind names, and Azula hugged herself, shaking with pain and regret. Some mornings, just before she fully returned to the present, she could forget that she was pregnant, and she would start to move, only the nausea would hit her, or the fabric would move uncomfortably about her nipples. Twice this week, she'd already dissolved into a fit of tears or rage, and she was glad that it was rage that came to her now as she picked up a vase and smashed it into the mirror, shattering both into a million little pieces, cutting her hands on the ceramic and the glass.

Azula screamed, her hair flying wild about her as she attacked those treacherous clothes on her bed, shredding them with her teeth and hands, using the shards to rip at the fabric when she couldn't do it with her bare hands. There was blood everywhere, smeared on the glass, smeared on the fabric, darker than the reds, unnoticeable on the blacks, a gash on the golds. The sobs stuck in her throat, and Azula gagged on them, and she ran her hands through her hair, and the blood matted down the strands, and fragments of her dreams came back to her. Her whole body shook, and everything just hurt so much, and it was like that year back in the asylum when they said she made a breakthrough.

Crawling into the corner between the bed and the wall, Azula curled into herself as much as possible and hated.

* * *

Aang tried his hardest not to nod off in the meeting. He didn't sleep much during the past four nights, instead choosing to sit on the roof among the winds and the stars and the clouds. He'd sat there like a statue and thought. The monks would be ashamed of his behavior. He was old enough to know better, and they would ask him to sit in meditation and question his commitment to the way of the Air Nomad monks. They would do their best to take away the pressure and show him that they were not disappointed in him. They would do their best to show him that it was normal for a young boy of his age to explore, and they might suggest that he go and join their brothers and sisters in the world. Perhaps, they would tell him, you will come back to us when you are older.

When you are ready.

"Avatar Aang, what do you think?"

Kuei was looking at him expectantly, and General How began rubbing his temples. Aang's mind had wandered off during the meeting again. A few representatives from the Citizens Coalition of Ba Sing Se, the group allegedly representing the interests of Ba Sing Se's citizens, looked expectantly at Aang, and he turned away from them to look at the stack of papers in front of him outlining possible solutions.

"I don't know," Aang said tiredly, putting his head down on the table. "I just don't know."

It was too much, that weight pressing against his shoulders, and every day, people always wanted to add more to it. He was suffocating. No one wanted to understand just how much he was struggling, just how much he needed them to back off for a bit. This wasn't something he'd studied for or trained for, and he couldn't remember the last time he had a joyride on Appa, or took to the skies in his glider for fun. He hadn't been to the Jasmine Dragon, even though Iroh was still in the Fire Nation. In fact, he hadn't even been outside the palace much, other than to talk with the Citizens Coalition and see what their demands were. It was constant back and forth. Constantly dull. Constantly taxing. And now _this_.

"Not knowing isn't an option, Avatar Aang," Grand Secretariat Ai was saying. "Ba Sing Se can't afford for you to _not know_. The _world_ can't afford for you to not know."

"Cut the kid a bit of slack," one of the citizen representatives was saying. "That's the way you do things here in the palace, isn't it? Harp on someone and demand an answer, hoping that we'll get tired and just give in. This isn't something you can rush—"

"There is taking time to consider," General Sung, also on the Council of Five, said, "and there is being negligent."

"Perhaps we should just step away for the time being," Kuei said, looking a little panicked. "This is a grueling process to reform Ba Sing Se, and letting our tempers get the best of us won't do anyone any good."

Kuei stood, and because he stood, everyone else stood, too. The meeting was over, and while Ai, How, and Sung went away looking less than pleased, several of the city representatives patted Aang on the back and tried to give him encouraging words. Some of those words were spoiled when 'I know you'll see things our way' was tacked on the end.

"If you can stay a minute, Avatar Aang, I'd like to speak with you," Kuei said as Aang started to leave.

Reluctantly, Aang sat back down. "Sure. Go ahead."

"Is something wrong? You seemed unusually distracted today." Kuei sat next to Aang. "You and I are both under a lot of pressure, but I can't help thinking something else is bothering you."

Aang winced. He hadn't thought it had been that obvious. There was once a time when Katara was always on his mind. When he was away, he couldn't wait until he got back to her to tell her about everything that happened to him and the new things he experienced. He couldn't wait to hear her laugh or to hang out and go penguin sledding. He couldn't wait to spend time with her, and he thought about her often on his journeys to the South Pole, because that had been his home so long as she was there.

What an odd reversal that it was now Azula and the Fire Nation on his mind.

"There is something else bothering me," Aang said to Kuei. "I need to be out of Ba Sing Se for a while."

His conscience wouldn't let this issue sit idly by. He needed to do something.

* * *

Azula sat in the garden by the turtleduck pond, her hands bandaged and sore. Tentatively, she flexed her fingers, winced as pain flared up. She hadn't wanted Katara to heal her. This pain was hers. It was her anger and her frustration. It was a reminder of her lapse of judgment and the dislike for everything she was quickly becoming. Katara was keeping tabs on her in other ways, but Azula kept quiet about her pain. Let Katara deal with the thing that was swimming around on the inside; let Katara do her checkups every two weeks. This pain was her secret punishment.

"Azula?"

Iroh was slowly making his way to her, his brows furrowed and his lips pulled down at the corners. His steps were even and measured, and Azula easily spied the deliberation in his limbs as he moved. It was unpleasant, whatever he had to say. She turned her back to him, let him make his way to her in his own time. He didn't sit down immediately, rather standing behind her, watching her. Azula could feel his eyes on her back, and he sighed heavily before finally perching on the ground next to her.

"Niece—"

"Say whatever you have to say, and don't beat around it."

Iroh didn't suppress his smile, nodding instead and placing his hand on her shoulder. Azula watched him from the corner of her eye, but still he didn't say anything, no doubt carefully choosing his words in that slow, deliberate way that had always driven her mad.

"Spit it out," she said through clenched teeth, dread growing the longer he held his silence.

"I understand that you're…expecting."

"I'm expecting a lot of things to…"

Dawning smacked Azula, and she felt the color rise in her cheeks. She turned away from Iroh, but he only pulled at her shoulder, turning her to face him. The more she struggled to get away from him, the tighter his grip became. Angry and gritting her teeth, Azula shoved him back, rising quickly to her feet, intending to put as much distance between them as possible, to squash this conversation like the little worm it was before it even got started. Quicker than she thought he could, Iroh was on his feet, too, his grip tight on her wrist as he kept her from leaving.

"I hate her!" Azula yelled. "She had no right!"

"Azula, listen—"

"No," she yelled, finally shaking free of his grasp.

She'd taken a lot of punishment recently, much of it coming from herself. She'd suffered humiliation after humiliation, and in the coming months, there would be nothing but humiliation. The only person it could have been would be Ursa. Zuko and Katara had known from the beginning, and if either one of them were going to tell Iroh, they would have done it by then. But no, Ursa had to come in with her overbearing ways and prying eyes and stupid pregnancy detector in her mind.

"Azula, listen to me—"

"I've had enough of her," Azula growled, stopping in her retreat toward the palace. "She doesn't get to walk in here and act like she never left. She doesn't get to call me sweetheart, she doesn't get to pretend that she still knows my favorite foods—"

"Enough!"

"She can't just pretend that nothing happened!"

"Azula, pull yourself together," growled, his voice cutting through her panic. "She didn't do it to hurt you."

"But she did."

"I can see."

Iroh smiled softly at her, and her face reddened again as Azula realized just what she said. She was not known for candid admissions of her feelings, but this hadn't even fazed Iroh. His smile grew as she withdrew into herself, hugging her elbows.

"I told her as much," Iroh said, shoving his hands inside his sleeves. "She was quite concerned, and thought that I might be able to offer some help or insight."

Azula chewed her lip, glancing cautiously at her uncle. "And did you?"

"Dearest niece," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, "she wants very much to correct the wrongs of the past. But, perhaps, it is best to move forward and leave the past behind. You are well within your rights to be upset with her for telling me without your consent. In the end, however, I hope that you realize this is no burden for you to take on by yourself. Even with Aang's help, this is beyond both of your skills."

* * *

A/N: Ok, I honestly hadn't meant for there to be such a huge gap in posting. Apologies for that. Anywhoo, one of the things I wanted to emphasize here is Aang's continued growth. For me, he ended the series as an imperfect character, and one of the biggest lapses, I think, will come in Aang's ability to help govern and mend the world. We only saw glimpses of it, but the other Avatars were able to travel the world, learn about the cultures and undoubtedly the governments. They were given the _political_ tools that being Avatar would require. Aang wasn't given this. In the rush to repair the world after the war, I don't think he would be given the time to learn everything he needs. He'd have to cobble together some kind of political education, and here we see it failing. You can't have someone who doesn't know how to play the guitar teaching someone how to play the guitar, for example.

I also wanted to be fair to Aang: I think he'd get a pretty bad shake out of this. Having said that he's a fully realized Avatar, people would expect him to be brilliant right out of the gate. I don't think they'd understand the struggle it was for him to defeat Ozai, and I think, in the pressing need to fix their countries, they'd quickly forget just how young and at a loss Aang is. I really struggled with Aang's side of the story, especially because he has a lot to give Azula, and I didn't see it being a fair trade, initially. I was happily surprised to find Aang's troubles becoming apparent on their own without me having to do much, and finding a way that our lovely Azula can even out the trade.


	4. Eleven Weeks After We First Met

Chapter 4: Eleven Weeks After We First Met

Getting out of Ba Sing Se had been anything but easy. Even though Kuei understood that Aang needed some personal time, he stumbled and sided with his government when Aang wouldn't tell them where he was going or why he would be leaving. Both the government and Citizens Coalition were convinced that they were closing in on some kind of workable deal, but Aang knew they were still far off. He'd been working with them too long to not recognize the signs of hollow words and platitudes that would fall through at the slightest examination. The government was doing everything in its power to keep Kuei on the throne, to have a fighting chance to correct their mistakes and have Kuei prove his worth as a king. The citizens, however, believed that the government had its chance, and was proving wholly inadequate. At the moment, there was still very little middle ground, so Aang had left them with some homework: come up with a list of ten good things about the other side's plan. He figured that would keep them busy long enough for a baby to be born.

Appa groaned loudly as they flew closer to the Fire Nation. This was, without a doubt, the least enjoyable flight Aang had ever been on. He tried to sleep, and when closing his eyes only brought on the disappointed face of Gyatso and the turned backs of the monks, Aang had opted to meditate instead. He could call on Roku for advice, but Roku advised on Avatar stuff. This was as far from Avatar stuff as he could get. And who did he have to talk to about it? A year ago, he would have written Zuko or Sokka, whom he'd thought of as older brothers. It was quite obvious that writing to Zuko would get him nowhere, but would possibly net a long lecture about all the things Aang had done wrong, or the ways in which he could have avoided the situation altogether. And Sokka… Aang couldn't bring himself to admit this to his family. What would they think of him? And would they take Azula's side? Would they say that she wasn't capable of making these kinds of decisions for herself? Would they claim he'd taken advantage of her?

Aang hugged Momo close to his chest, feeling the tears sting at his eyes. So high up, the wind was cool, and he could feel the cold trail across his face as the tears fell. He would go back, and he would have to face them. He would have to face Katara, and look at her and hear her question his loyalty and love for her if he would do something like…this. Momo chattered and patted his cheek.

"I know, Momo," he said quietly into the lemur's fur. "We'll get through it. Maybe."

When he landed in the Fire Nation, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He parked Appa in the courtyard in front of the palace and spoke with the attendants to make sure his buddy got lots of food and water, and suggested an extra long bath. Appa enjoyed bath time in the Fire Nation because there were hot springs nearby. It was with growing dread that Aang watched Mistress Yina, the Head of Household Staff, come towards him. Aang fidgeted and held on tighter to his staff, Momo a comforting presence on his head.

"Avatar Aang," Yina said, bowing low. "The Fire Lord welcomes you to the Fire Nation. Your visit is somewhat unexpected, though Princess Ursa requested you be brought to her when Appa was first spotted nearing the Gates of Azulon."

Yina made a sharp turn, and Aang followed. His heart pounded as they walked down the halls, various people from servants to council members to citizens seeking an audience with the Fire Lord bowing to him as he passed. None of them paid him any more attention than they normally would. No shocked or scandalized faces. No whispers of 'did you hear…' Nothing. Aang released a breath, feeling his shoulders straighten and the tension in his muscles relax. There was no proof that a letter had been sent at all. There was no proof that any of this happened. The monks didn't have to look at him and be ashamed.

"Is Zuko busy?" Aang asked. "I mean, usually he comes to greet me."

"Fire Lord Zuko and Princess Katara are currently in a budget meeting, Avatar Aang," Yina said politely. "I shall inform them of your arrival after the meeting is over, however, they will not be available for social calls until just before dinner. Shall I inform their majesties that you would like to meet privately?"

Aang thought briefly. "Yes, please." Better that what needed to be said be said in private rather than at the dinner table for everyone to hear.

Ursa was waiting for him in the library, reading a book while sitting at one of the tables. Yina bowed and left him standing there, and Aang didn't move because he didn't know what to do. This whole episode had a surreal quality to it, much like when he hallucinated that Momo and Appa were having a swordfight, and there was Guru Pathik and the koala sheep and the rocks…

Ursa pushed a dish of lychee nuts forward as Momo hopped excitedly from Aang's shoulder. She didn't look up, not once, from her book. She smiled softly and turned another page, just sitting there and not saying anything. Aang still didn't know much about her, but she was always kind and comforting; she was a great balance to Gran who had the tendency to hit people with spoons when she thought they were getting out of line. For Aang, that happened quite often, and the back of his hand very much appreciated not being whacked when he was in the Fire Nation. Still, that was a completely different matter compared to this new…development. He knew Ursa was trying to make amends with Azula. He knew that she wanted them to be a family again, and Aang couldn't blame her. That just made this conversation that much more unpredictable. He considered turning around and just leaving. He didn't want to be rude and disturb her; she seemed to be enjoying the book.

"If you're worried about interrupting my reading, Aang," Ursa said pleasantly, her eyes still glued to the page, "you don't have to. I've read this book 298 times before."

"Oh," Aang said nervously, gripping his staff a little tighter. "What is it?"

"Love Amongst the Dragons. Always an excellent read."

She marked her place in the book with a piece of purple silk and stood, scratching Momo under the chin, just the way he liked. He purred and offered more chin, followed by his back to be scratched. If Momo liked Ursa, Aang tried to reason, she couldn't be too dangerous. But then, she'd offered him lychee nuts, and anyone who offered Momo food got a gold star in his book. Aang didn't know how anyone except Zuko received the news of Azula's pregnancy, and he hoped for his safety that there had been less…extreme…reactions.

"Shall we, then?"

And so Aang trailed behind Ursa, though she kept encouraging him to walk beside her. Eventually, she just linked her arm with his as if they were going on a pleasant stroll, but Aang knew they were going to see Azula, and the tightness and strength of her arm against his said that there was no getting out of this. He did not want to see Azula. He was afraid of what he might see, and too soon, they arrived in the private garden, and there was Azula sitting at the turtleduck pond. Aang's feet stuck firmly to the ground and would let him move no closer. The woman he saw in front of him could very well be the girl he'd seen in the hospital, her hair limp and completely obscuring her face. She leaned forward, her hand reached out to touch a turtleduck, but the animal hovered away, sensing her agitation. She'd put on a bit of weight in the three months since he saw her last. She turned her body toward him slightly, but he couldn't tell if she was watching him because of her hair. He averted his eyes when he noticed that her dress fit snugly across the chest, exposing more cleavage than he'd seen on her before. Except when, well, she was naked.

Aang cleared his throat. "Maybe she's not…you know. Did you seek a second opinion? I mean, doctors can't be right all the time?"

He tried to give a little laugh, hoping to just wave this whole thing away as an unfortunate misunderstanding and clear this bit from his conscience, because to accept this pregnancy as truth… He rubbed the back of his neck. Ursa stood beside him, saying nothing, just watching her daughter. Aang allowed himself to believe that they'd been so worried about Azula that no one had considered this possibility.

"She's not, you know…" he mimed a bigger stomach. "So. I'll just be going and we could put this all behind us."

Aang took two steps before Ursa's fierce gaze froze him to the spot. She had dropped his arm when they entered the garden, going a few steps further than him, but as he moved to walk out of the garden, something in her eyes froze him. It wasn't that there was anger in the way she held herself; she remained loose and graceful, her back straight, her arms bent at the elbows so that her hands rested over her middle. No, the anger and the disappointment was in her eyes, the same gold as Azula's.

"This will be a difficult time for the both of you," she said, her voice sharp, cutting right down to the center of Aang's shame. "Turning your back and walking away will not make this go away. I can assure you, Azula is pregnant, and I believe her when she says it is your child. Whatever you may not feel toward my daughter, it is your responsibility to take care of her and your child."

Azula was watching him, her eyes now barely visible through her hair. And she was smirking. Smirking at him like she was glad he'd just been scolded. Frowning, Aang stood up to his full height, holding his staff firmly.

"I know—"

"I'm sure you've had a long journey, Aang," Ursa said, smiling pleasantly again. She kissed him lightly on his forehead in that wonderful, maternal way she had. "Your rooms are being prepared as we speak. I suggest you go down to the kitchens and have a bit of lunch. It's going to be a long forty weeks for you both."

"Forty weeks?" Aang squawked, almost not recognizing the way his voice was so high pitched.

"Well, really only twenty-nine, now. Either way, I suppose you'll be here for a while, hm?"

Ursa went back inside the palace, and Aang dropped his staff, doubling over, his hands on his knees as he tried to breathe. He could still see Azula, her bandaged hands now in her lap, her attention turned away from him to something else. She'd tucked her hair behind her ears, and Aang saw that her eyes were red. Only once before had Aang ever seen Azula cry, and she'd been so different, so lonely and needy that she'd slept with him, and now here they were, and there were three other people besides the two of them who knew what happened. Aang couldn't take it. The weight and the gravity were crashing down on him, smashing into his back and forcing him to the ground. He could barely breathe, and that only made him panic, and the panic made that weight worse, because he hadn't the slightest idea what he was going to do with a child.

Chest heaving, he opened his glider and took to the air.

* * *

It had been two days since Aang was last seen in the Fire Nation. Part of Azula felt elated at this; at least she hadn't run away when she found out she was pregnant. Little by little, she was coming to accept the fact, or at least learning to deal with it. She smirked, standing next to Zuko on the bridge over one of the palace ponds.

"What's so amusing?" he asked, nudging her lightly.

The pain in her hands was finally starting to lessen, and it didn't hurt to grip things anymore. To prove this, she gripped the railing on the bridge and closed her eyes, feeling the sun as she leaned back. She had passed the first test, and Aang had not.

"The Avatar's a petulant child afraid of a woman who spent five years in a mental institution."

Zuko's smile dripped away. He shifted uncomfortably and looked around them as if checking to make sure no one heard her. That only made her smile more. It might not happen often, but Azula still cherished making Zuko uncomfortable, still loved that she knew how to get under his skin sometimes. She laughed, feeling lighter than she had in months.

"Relax, Zuzu," Azula said, giving him a forceful shove. "You should have seen him almost have a heart attack right before he ran. I think he's even more scared than I am."

If she was being honest, Azula was kind of counting on this dependability everyone said Aang had. And his alleged loyalty. And his supposed dedication to duty. She was counting on him to stand up and do something and make this burden a little easier on her. Zuko said that's what having Katara was doing for him. The doctors at the asylum said that's how good relationships worked, be they friendships or romances; your partner was supposed to help ease the burdens of life. Well, Zuko had Katara and that whole damn staff of his. He didn't have to do it all on his own, even if he didn't trust the people working under him. But there were things he could put off on others and not have to worry about. Azula knew she didn't have the same luxury. This was her problem, and Aang's, and she was never one for putting her problems on others. They were always her to deal with, and she always did, and she always squashed them.

"Hey Zuko?" Azula asked tentatively, staring down at their reflections in the water. "Remember that time we had a sleepover? When I was keeping you from sneaking out to the prison?"

"Yeah. I do."

"I…don't sleep well at night."

Zuko was silent, and Azula didn't mind. She already knew what the answer was. She had known before she even asked the question. It was worth a shot anyway.

"It's just that…you know… Katara and I sleep in the same bed, now."

"Right," Azula said, pushing away from the railing.

Her burdens were her own. There was no staff, and apparently no Aang to help carry them. She never put her burdens on others.

* * *

Aang sat on the very top of the Fire Nation palace. At some point, he'd have to come down. Meditation had done little to ease his spirit over the past three days. The longer he stayed away, the more guilt ate at him. Too many people knew about this and acknowledged it for it to be a figment of his imagination, but admitting that this was real meant admitting that he was scared out of his mind, and that he didn't have the slightest idea about what he was doing. Taking a deep breath, Aang decided to take the first step.

"Azula and I are going to have a baby," he said into the winds. "I…" He gulped. It was hard to even say it up in the air where he was only surrounded by the clouds. "I…I had sex with Azula. And now she's pregnant."

He waited, but didn't feel the nausea that he usually felt following that thought train, and that had to be a good sign, at least. Acceptance. Once he'd accepted that he was the Avatar, it gave him the strength and courage to push on. Once he'd accepted his fate, he could move past that crippling pain that hit him. Aang took another deep breath and held it for as long as he could. Slowly, he released the breath, sending his fear and anxiety along with it. He didn't know what he was doing, but Ursa had been pregnant before. Katara had delivered a baby. They would manage, somehow, he and Azula.

"I had…sex…with Azula," Aang said, willing the words to become more real. "I had sex with Azula, and now she's pregnant."

Accept it. When he visited Azula in the asylum, he had been able to help her. Zuko had asked for his help, and it had begun to work. Balance was what she needed. Balance and reassurance and people to be there for her. Aang nodded firmly. You cannot take the path of least resistance if you do not know what path you are on and which paths are available to you. There is no freedom if you restrict your path with falsehoods and lies.

Snapping his glider open, Aang soared down, swooping over people milling about the courtyard, and coming to rest on the balcony outside Zuko's office that overlooked the palace gardens. Inside, Zuko was pulling books off the shelves for Katara. He smiled at something she said, and it made Aang jealous again to see that. There was a softness and an openness to her smile that conveyed more than just happiness. She'd never smiled at him like that, and Aang wondered if she'd ever made room in her heart for him. Had she even tried to love him? Even in her past, he wanted to be more than just 'that kid,' the one she felt threatened by the least. Slowly, Zuko's smile faded and he looked really sad. When Katara turned to set the books on the desk, Aang could see that she was sad, too. Then she went and hugged Zuko, wrapping her arms around his waist, and Zuko laid his cheek on top of her head, his hands roaming over her back, stroking her hair, moving down to her rear. Aang banged harshly on the window. He'd seen enough.

Startled, they jumped apart, but not before Aang saw Katara smiling again, biting her lip. Zuko came to open the window.

"Aang, where have you been? You can't just fly away and be gone for three whole days and not tell anyone. Do you know how many people I've had out looking for you? Do you know how worried we've been?"

Zuko's tone was somewhere between concerned and annoyed, though Aang had the feeling his motives weren't entirely pure for wanting Aang found. Not so much for Aang's well-being, but more for Azula's. Aang stepped inside the office, not feeling as light as he did when he soared down from the top of the palace. He wasn't surprised that Katara didn't come to hug him. She took a few steps forward, but then seemed unsure of herself, and decided to remain where she was, her arms crossed over her middle. She was wearing red, and Aang hated to admit that she looked nice in red. He would have preferred to see her in yellow, but that possibility was lost to him forever.

"I'm sure you want to talk about what happened," Aang said firmly.

No one said anything, just stood around and looked at each other. Or not looking. It was funny that, for once, he was the one standing his ground and making eye contact while his two teachers were doing their best to avoid him. He hoped they still felt ashamed of themselves. He hoped they found it hard to look in the mirror and be satisfied with everything they'd done.

"I'm worried about Azula," Zuko said finally, leaning against a wall. "She's not handling any of this well." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Could you…do…your thing with her?"

"My…thing?"

Aang looked at Zuko in disbelief. Dread was growing in the pit of his stomach. Zuko looked like he'd just swallowed a whole wad of bitter berries, and he was looking pained and angry, and Aang tried to think about what Sokka would do in this situation. Just amplified. Azula was damaged. She was broken, and Zuko had shouldered the burden of trying to put her back together. He was desperate.

"What…thing…are you talking about?" Aang asked.

Zuko shrugged. "Your Avatar thing. When Azula was in the hospital, and when she first came home, you helped her. She needs you to help her again. Aside from the fact that this is your child, and you really don't have a choice."

Aang frowned. Everyone was fond of telling him he didn't have a choice, and that wasn't exactly making him inclined to do much of anything. He hated being forced into something. Katara was looking out the window; it didn't look like she was paying them much attention, and Aang wished she would say something.

"I don't know if anyone told you, but she gloated when your mother was scolding me—"

"I know," Zuko said nonchalantly.

"So you want me to approach your sister who is eleven weeks pregnant, hates me, would probably shoot me with lightning again if she could, and say 'I'm going to do my thing with you?' And you think this is a good idea?"

"She was good enough for you to fuck—"

"We're concerned," Katara said, putting a hand against Zuko's chest as he pushed himself off the wall.

Aang willed himself to remain still. He wouldn't back down.

"Azula's not doing well, and we're worried," Katara said, putting herself between Aang and Zuko. "Zuko says she responded well to your help when she was in the hospital. Do you think you could do that again?"

No one was really giving him a choice in the matter. But he'd accepted this. Aang let out a deep breath.

"I'll try."


	5. It Begins at Fourteen Weeks

Chapter 5: It Begins at Fourteen Weeks

After nearly a month in the Fire Nation, the only breakthrough Aang managed to have with Azula was a grudging acceptance of each other's presence and to stop avoiding each other at meals. Even if they ate together—or rather, ate with their family—they still didn't spend much time together outside the dining room, neither wanting to have that awkward conversation and acknowledgment of what happened between them. For his part, Aang was quite content to exist on the fringes of Azula's life while he figured out just what he should be doing.

The kitchen was mostly empty; a few servants were still cleaning up from lunch, and through the window, he could see most of them outside in the garden, relaxing. Aang had skipped lunch in favor of searching for books in the library, and he'd only left when one of the attendants were giving him dirty looks because his stomach was grumbling so loudly.

"Avatar Aang?"

Aang turned to find a young boy, barely older than him, bowing. When he stood, the servant gestured to a small dining room off the kitchen generally used by the servants.

"Mistress Yina said you missed lunch, and that you might come down for food later. We have prepared something for you."

Aang nodded his thanks and headed into the room, but stopped at the threshold. Azula was in there wolfing down a double portion of possum chicken. This would be the first time they were alone together. He thought about going back to his room, but he was hungry, and it was Azula, and he was the Avatar, and there's no reason he should be afraid of her. Softly, he knocked on the door frame, and Azula started. She blushed deep red when she realized she was shoving food in her mouth at a speed that would rival Sokka.

"Hi," he said weakly.

Azula put her bowl down and delicately wiped her mouth, trying to regain some dignity. Aang was pretty sure she wasn't even chewing her food, just inhaling it whole. In fact, he was sure not even Sokka ate that fast.

"I figured I'd have company since they set out extra food. The lack of meat should have been a giveaway."

Aang shuffled a bit, rubbed the back of his neck.

"So…"

"Oh, just sit down and eat before you make this more uncomfortable than it already is," Azula said, turning away from him.

Nervously, Aang sat down. Azula's moods had become unpredictable, and even though Ursa warned him that this would happen, Aang still considered this another reason to avoid her. Even if she was laughing or smiling with others, her mood always darkened whenever he came close. He'd seen very little of this disturbed Azula Katara had been so worried about, and Aang allowed a little hope to flutter in his heart that maybe things weren't as bad as they were making it out to be. So she'd accidentally cut her hands when her mirror broke. Hadn't they all had little accidents from time to time?

Azula had gone back to eating, occasionally stopping to readjust the front of her shirt, and Aang blushed deeply, averting his eyes because her chest was straining the fabric, threatening to push it open, which was hard to ignore. He was too embarrassed to say he noticed certain changes in her body. Aang nibbled at his food, not feeling hungry anymore. He thought accepting his actions would make things easier, would remove that big hump that prevented him from doing what he needed to do. Instead, it just made Aang nervous. Other than the initial conversation, no one was really talking about this pregnancy; it was too easy to pretend it didn't happen. With the war, there was no pretending. There was no pretending he wasn't the Avatar. This? Aang so out of his depth, and with no one talking about it, it felt weird to just go up and ask a question.

"How have you been feeling?" he asked, picking up a dumpling.

"Like a cow pig."

"Katara says you're not throwing up anymore."

"That's very nice of her."

Aang pushed his food around, struggling to find some neutral topic of conversation. His mind was completely blank, and Azula was offering nothing.

"So…"

He let the word draw out, hoping that just talking would help something spring to mind. It didn't. They finished their lunch in silence. But at least it wasn't a tense silence.

* * *

Azula sat in the garden by the turtleduck pond, eating a moon peach. It was a comfortable day, and she pulled her legs up to her chest, feeling like her stomach was keeping her from curling into the tightest ball possible. She wished she'd never learned about guilt. She knew she'd been rude to Aang, ignoring him when he was only trying to hold a simple conversation, but he'd avoided her, and because he avoided her, she avoided him. He didn't want anything to do with her, and why should he? She didn't want much to do with him.

"Ah, dearest niece. I've been looking for you."

Iroh sat down next to her, pulled a bundle from his pocket. Azula could smell the cinnamon and the sugar in the little pastry. Iroh sat it down next to her, and Azula eyed the treat. Bribery. But it smelled delicious. Iroh made no attempts at conversation, just sat there pretending to enjoy the fresh air, that evil little piece of deliciousness right by her as a peace offering. If she took it, she would be inviting his conversation, and lately, there only seemed to be one topic on everyone's minds. It was not going away. At least Iroh had the decency to not smile as she gave in and picked up the pastry.

"I just ran into Aang in the library," Iroh said.

"Good for him."

Iroh sighed. "I've watched the two of you all month. You've done nothing but avoid each other. Have you even had an honest conversation about what happened?"

"And what good would that do? What's done is done."

"That is true, my niece, but there are times when we do not like what is done. It leaves us bitter. And hurt, sometimes."

Iroh was watching her from the corner of his eye, and Azula steadfastly ignored him. She stared at her pastry, already half gone.

"Are you speaking from experience?" She'd hoped for more venom in her voice, but it came out more like pain.

"As a matter of fact, I am," Iroh said, sounding a little surprised. "There is so much I regret, but it is in the past, and we are all powerless to change the past. But those mistakes I made… they have led me here."

Iroh extended his arms to suggest the world around them. The turtleducks quacked in the pond, and Azula ate the rest of her pastry. Iroh didn't try to push any conversation, and Azula was grateful for that. There was much that she regretted, too, but in the hospital, they always told her the best thing to do would be to let it go. Toss out old pain, wipe everything clean, start fresh. She had a second chance, they told her. She would be foolish to waste it. And wasn't she wasting it now?

"Who put you up to this? Zuko?"

"I haven't seen him much for the past two days," Iroh said. "He and Katara had been planning the official engagement party. Are you going to attend?"

"Was it mom, then?"

"Am I not allowed to show concern for you?"

Azula shrugged, licking the cinnamon and sugar from her fingers. "You never showed concern before."

"And that would be one of my regrets. I'm hoping you'll let me make up for it. My point, dear niece, is simply that our mistakes can sometimes lead us to a better place."

* * *

Fate seemed determined to make them run into each other. It had been happening too much lately for Aang to ignore it, and he was almost ready to say that someone was doing their best to push them together. Now, they were running into each other again, Aang coming out of the library with an arm full of books, and Azula going in.

"I didn't think you spent much time in the library," Aang said, wincing as he did so. As conversation starters went, that was pretty lame.

Azula shrugged. "I don't understand it. We've got books on everything else in here. I thought maybe I could find something to help."

"It? Don't understand what?"

"This," Azula said, pointing to her stomach as she walked past.

Aang's jaw nearly hit the floor. She just called the baby and it. Like an object. A thing. Aang trotted a few steps to catch up to her.

"Wait, you can't call the baby an it."

"It's an it, Aang. What's the big deal?"

Aang blinked. Azula laughed slightly as she said it, like she couldn't believe he was making a big deal about this. Aang wasn't the happiest about the situation, either, but he didn't think it was the child's fault. They could hardly blame the child for the things they did. And Azula hadn't even given it a second thought. It just rolled off her tongue like 'good morning,' or 'I like your shirt.'

"That's a baby, Azula. You can't call babies…an it."

Aang set the books on a nearby table as Azula turned to regard him. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrow.

"Really, I didn't know you cared."

"I do care, Azula! I'm just as lost as you are, honestly, but I know you can't call a baby an it. That's going to be a whole person, like you and me and…and it's just not right. The chair is an it, the book is an it, but—"

"Whatever."

Azula nonchalantly waved it away, turning back to the bookshelf. Aang rubbed his eyes. Azula stood on the tips of her toes to reach a book on a higher shelf, then she flipped through it. Not finding what she was looking for, she put it back, then moved to another shelf.

"You can't just say whatever and wave this away, Azula."

"Look, Aang, when it's born, I'll just give it to you, and you can do whatever you like with it," Azula said, turning to face him, her hands on her hips. "You need to repopulate the Air Nomads, right? Baby number one. It's yours."

"Where would you even get that idea? That's not why I slept with you, Azula please…"

Aang felt like he'd been punched in the gut. It was something about the way she was looking at him, the harshness gone from her face, her eyes not distant, but brutally clear. No matter how you looked at it, his motives had been far from pure. Both of their motives had. He hadn't been thinking about the Air Nomads that night; he had only been thinking of himself and his pain, and he hadn't even given much thought to Azula beneath him, naked and crying, letting him hold her and comfort her in a way someone else had always refused.

"So, now you're going to tell me you've loved me from the moment I shot you with lightning?"

"That's all behind us."

Azula smiled, her head tilted to one side, her arms behind her back. "Really? You don't hate me? Not even a little?" She took a step back and frowned. "I heard Katara say that you were gone. If it weren't for the spirit water…"

For a moment, Aang considered that Azula had been brought home too soon. Just in one sentence, so many emotions scattered across her face. He thought back to the years he saw her in the asylum, struggling to cope with everything that happened to her. He'd seen her about a month after the final battle, chained to a wall and dirty, hair matted and caked with mud like some beast, spitting fire and not even knowing she was doing it. Her gold eyes had been unfocused, so unlike anything he'd ever seen in her before, and she raged and screamed, directed her tirades at Zuko, and terrifying the nurses. He remembered the way she'd begged Ozai to love her, and yet, Aang had never really understood just how she and Zuko could fight so desperately for the attention of a man who clearly had no love in his heart. He remembered the things the nurses said after Azula set her restraints and herself on fire, and he remembered the way she'd cried when the pain of healing was too much, when her skin itched and her heart hurt.

"I don't hate you, Azula," Aang said, shaking his head. "I can't hate you. Not after I saw what Ozai did to you."

Azula slowly sank into the window seat, her eyes still dreadfully clear. She picked at the fabric of her dress. Aang wanted to hug her, but he knew she wouldn't let him comfort her in the same way she had before. That was probably a once in a lifetime event. He sat down on the bench next to her, leaning back on his hands and staring straight ahead. His arm prickled; he could feel Azula next to him, so close that the slightest twitch of his arm would make them touch. Aang took a few deep breaths, releasing them slowly and calming his speeding heart.

"Please… Just, don't call the baby an it. During the war, we were travelling through the Serpent's Pass, and we met this husband and wife. She was pregnant, and when the baby was born…" Aang sighed. "It was after Appa was stolen, and I was feeling so lost. But this baby?"

He looked to Azula, but she was looking straight ahead, too. Her hands were still in her lap, and she could have been a statue. He waited to see if Azula would acknowledge him, but she made no sound, and Aang dropped his head.

"This baby brought so much hope and love to her family. To all of us. She made me remember that there are good things in the world." He shrugged. "Maybe—"

"I hope you're not going to tell me this…baby…will bring love and happiness and peace into my world."

Aang kept quiet. He was.

* * *

"What do you think about this one?"

Katara held up a dress, the waist seam sitting just under the bust rather than down by the hips, and smiled hopefully. They were in a dress shop, in the maternity section, and Azula was very aware of all the eyes on them. Some women were whispering behind their hands, and the shop owner kept taking small steps toward them like she so desperately wanted to come over.

"It's fine, I guess," Azula said, trying not to look like she was with Katara.

"You've got to give me something more than 'it's fine,' and a bored look," Katara said, putting her hands on her hips. "Really, Azula."

"Look, I told you to just pick something and not drag me out here."

Katara sighed and put the dress back. Azula did not want to buy maternity clothes. She did not want to be out in public. She was tired and hungry and just wanted to stay in her room in isolation. If she never left her room, she wouldn't have to worry about clothes not fitting her. She wouldn't have to worry about guys eyeing her, though Katara assured her this would change once she got clothes that fit better. Groaning, Azula adjusted her shirt. It was too tight.

"Get the first one," she reluctantly conceded, hanging her head.

Katara smiled brightly and was about to pick up the dress again when the shop owner finally came over to them.

"That is an excellent choice, Princess," she said, addressing Katara. "I couldn't help but wonder, though. Is there good news we should be celebrating? Are you and Fire Lord Zuko expecting a child?"

"Oh, no, I'm not pregnant yet," Katara said offhandedly. "They're for…"

Azula felt her hands go clammy as her name died in Katara's throat. Slowly, Katara turned to face her. Azula hadn't even considered that other people would want to know. Katara hadn't meant to out her; she was simply saying that she wasn't pregnant. But now, everyone was looking at her, taking inventory of her body. Azula was ready to stand her ground to firmly state that it was none of their business just who was pregnant, but a woman in the corner of the shop smiled slyly, turning to her companion.

"Wait until they hear this," she muttered. "The Lightning Princess, a slut. No wonder they let her out early. I bet she bribed the doctors with nature's currency."

Given that the shop had gone quiet, everyone heard this, and several more smiles broke out, women and the few men looking like they'd just heard the most interesting news of their lives. The air was too hot, and Azula needed to get out. She was feeling dizzy and nauseous, and she shoved past Katara, past the shop owner, past the patrons and out onto the street. She heaved the fresh air, filling her lungs and hoping to purge that anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach, but it wouldn't go away. Pushing away from the door, Azula launched herself into the street, determined to return to safety at the palace, lock herself in her room and never come out again.

Instead, she ran right into Aang.

Screaming, surprised, she fought against him, afraid of the thousand eyes watching her, but he held onto her wrists, and she panicked, knowing she was only drawing more attention. Rather than letting her go, Aang pulled her close, saying reassuring things to her, even though she could hear the tremble in his voice, too. She buried her face against his neck, wondering when he'd gotten as tall as her, when things had changed so much.

"Come on," he said, and he was pulling her away from the chaos, leading her with a firm arm around her waist.

Azula closed her eyes and let him lead her. When she finally opened them, she was sitting on a bench in one of the secluded areas of the park nearest the palace. Aang was standing in front of her, looking infinitely concerned. Azula groaned, burying her face in her hands, knowing she'd made a fool of herself. Now, they'd not only be talking about how she was pregnant, but they'd be talking about how she was still insane.

"This is insane," Azula said, looking at the ground. "I should just throw myself into the river or something."

"Don't say that," Aang said quietly, kneeling in the grass in front of her, his hands resting on her knees. "You didn't do this by yourself."

"And where's your mark? How do they know about you?"

"You have to let me help you, Azula. I can't just…just clap my hands and make this go away. Everyone expects that I can work miracles. I can't. I _can't_."

There was deep sadness in his voice, and carefully, Azula peaked at Aang. Somber was not a word that was often used to describe him, but he was somber then, his shoulders slumped and all the lightness she'd come to expect from him gone from his eyes. This was not the cheerful Avatar that used to visit her. This was Aang, and he was just as damaged as she was, only he was better at hiding it. It was a lesson she was still learning—everyone was damaged and broken in some ways. The key to looking "normal" was simply hiding that damage, keeping it secret so that no one else could know your trauma. Sighing, he sat on the bench next to her.

"I don't know what to do," she confessed. "I'm just so…tired of this."

"I don't know what to do, either," he confessed. "I'm so lost."

Azula knew despair, and when Aang pulled her against him, she didn't reject the comfort he offered. She allowed him to hold her and to stroke her back as she balled his shirt in her fists and cried, but she would be damned if she admitted that it felt nice to be held.

* * *

Watching Azula struggle hurt. It hurt worse than Aang thought it would, but he knew what she needed. Balance. They'd started on it when she was in the hospital and the brief time he spent with her when she first got home, and everyone commented on how much good it was doing her. He'd watched as the dark circles began to disappear from Azula's face, a sure sign that she was getting a peaceful night's sleep. After he began helping her, she smiled more often and stopped carrying so much tension in her body. He would just pick up where they left off, and everything would be fine.

As he walked the halls looking for her, it dawned on Aang that Azula had let him comfort her yesterday. He was used to being rejected when he offered comfort. He was used to being told he didn't understand this pain, or that there was nothing wrong, or that he shouldn't worry because he had more important things to do. Katara wasn't always blunt in her rejections, but it had always pained him and made him feel useless. She was supposed to be his girlfriend, and comforting was something couples did for each other. It was nice to not be rejected. It was nice to be able to relieve some pain, and to feel appreciated. So much of the relief he tried to bring lately was only blowing up in his face. Ba Sing Se was still just as fractured as ever, and though the Northern Water Tribe wasn't shooting at ships that strayed into their waters, people still tended to stay away. It was nice that something he tried actually worked.

"Azula!"

Aang perked up when he spotted her leaning against a wall, hugging her elbows. She didn't look quite as enthusiastic to be found.

"I've been looking for you."

"Good," she said coldly. "Now you've found me."

Dark circles were forming under her eyes again. When he reached out to her, she stepped out of the way. Sometimes Azula just didn't like to be touched. He knew that. He shouldn't take it personally.

"I was thinking of doing a bit of meditating. Like we did at the asylum, remember?"

"I still have my memory, idiot."

He followed her gaze to three noblemen at the end of the hall. They were talking, one of them occasionally shooting glances at Azula before smirking and turning back to the group, and they'd all laugh. They straightened up when Zuko rounded the corner in full Fire Lord regalia. They bowed, and no one paid Azula any more attention as Zuko began talking to them, completely unaware of the subject that had held their attention before his arrival.

"I thought we could continue working on finding balance," Aang said. "With balance and your bending back—"

"My bending's not gone," Azula snapped, turning cold eyes on him. "I know exactly where it is, and I have no desire to use it again."

"You're a bender! You can't just ignore that part of you—"

"Like hell I can!" Azula yelled, pushing away from the wall. "Who do you think you are, just waltzing in here, thinking the world is going to bend to your will?"

"I never said that—"

"But you act like it. You told me you don't work miracles, remember? Well, fuck off and find some new pet project to apply your talents to."

Azula turned to walk away, and even though her outburst caught him off guard, Aang grabbed her arm, keeping her from leaving. This wasn't the Azula he knew. Well, not the new Azula that he knew.

"What happened? I… I thought we had something in the garden…"

"Well you thought wrong, asshole," Azula said, roughly shoving him away. "Maybe that's your problem. A girl doesn't run screaming from you, and suddenly you think you're in love with her—"

"That's not fair, and you know it, Azula. I never said anything about loving you…"

Aang stopped. He hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh. Why was he so bad at expressing himself lately? Was it just the stress of the situation? And what was wrong with Azula? This went beyond any mood swing he'd seen her have the entire time he'd been back. If she was still upset and struggling to cope, that was fine. It wasn't fine for her to take out her anger and frustration on him, though.

"Of course not," she said bitterly. "Who could ever love a psycho bitch like me?"

"Of all the things you could pick up from Zuko, did you have to pick up his language?"

Azula's face was turning red, and she huffed, her fists clenched. The hallway was filling with people as meetings ended, and Aang turned to leave, intending to walk away before things got any more hostile, so that they could come back when they were calmer and talk things out.

"Fuck, bitch, shit, damn, hell!"

Jaw nearly on the floor, Aang turned, horribly embarrassed. Azula was yelling every obscenity that came to mind at the very top of her lungs in a hallway crowded with people. All conversation stopped, and everyone turned to look at her, her face and hands red, her eyes furiously clear as she looked at Aang. He tried to shush her, but she only shoved him away.

Marching through the crowd of gapers, Zuko ignored Azula's raging, wrapped his arm around her shoulder and lead her away. Her shouts died down, leaving only echoes in the hall.

* * *

It was the same story everywhere he went. People expected him to be able to magic the pain away. Angrily, Aang shoved his clothes in his travel bag. If Azula didn't want his help, fine. He wouldn't help. Even if the two sides couldn't agree, at least the people in Ba Sing Se knew what they wanted. They didn't send him mixed signals, cuddling up to him one day, then shouting obscenities at him the next when all he wanted to do was be there for her and be supportive.

"Maybe you should have stayed in the asylum," Aang muttered angrily, throwing a shirt down on his bed, feeling like something was pinching every nerve in his body, making it hum with tension and pain.

Someone knocked at his door, and Aang tersely told them to come in. If a torn and potentially violent Ba Sing Se was the most desirable option in his life at the moment, Aang would take it, even if it did suck. Let Azula work out her own problems. She had so clearly decided she didn't need him.

"Aang? Are you leaving? Now?"

Katara was standing in the doorway, and Aang rounded on her, brandishing a pair of socks.

"Yes. I am leaving. I've had—"

"You can't leave her like this," she said, taking a few steps into his room. "Azula needs you—"

"Then tell her to act like it. I'm tired of being the one she always yells at. I'm tired of people telling me I have to help her—"

"Excuse me?" Katara yelled shrilly, her hands flying to her hips.

"Yes, I'm tired of people telling me I have to help her when she clearly doesn't want my help. She doesn't know what she wants, and I can't help her until she makes up her mind."

Aang's chest was heaving. It felt good to finally get all of this out of his system, but Katara was preparing for full rant mode. Aang flat out refused to be yelled at from both sides; he'd had enough of Grand Secretariat Ai telling him he wasn't committed, and he wasn't about to hear it from someone who was supposed to be his best friend. Katara had been quick to choose sides, and it was like she'd closed off her mind to anything he had to say. She'd designated him the bad guy and Azula as the one who needed protecting.

"You have a responsibility to her, Aang, and right now, Azula needs you—"

"Do you expect—"

"I _expect_you to be supportive of Azula. She's having a hard time with this, and she needs as much support as she can get."

"And what about me?" Aang yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Does everyone expect me to be ok with this? What about how much I'm struggling?"

"Struggling doing what, Aang? You've been avoiding her ever since you got here—"

"Just like she's been avoiding me!"

"—and you couldn't possibly know what she's going through. You don't hear the things they say about her. Rude, mean, nasty things. And what can she do about it? Why don't you tell me that!"

Aang and Katara were standing barely an arm's length away from each other, each giving in to an anger that likely didn't have anything to do with Azula at all. Aang clenched his fists. He and Katara had rarely ever fought during their entire relationship, either as friends or as alleged boyfriend and girlfriend, and even when they did, it had never been this drastic. They'd never resorted to yelling and wild gestures. Never had a conversation between them made Aang feel like walking out and slamming doors. Katara had always been in his corner, ready to defend him. And then things changed.

"I can't help but wonder what you would have done if it had been me in Azula's place," Katara said quietly, stepping back and shaking her head.

Her words, her insinuation, pierced right through Aang, aggravating a wound that hadn't had time to heal yet. Aang stepped back, too, eager to put distance between them.

"I'm starting to wonder the same thing about you."

"What?"

"What would you have done if you were carrying my child? But you still loved Zuko?" Aang turned his back, unwilling to see what emotions crossed her face. "Or worse, what if… What if you were carrying his child, but you were still with me?" Aang fought against the rising sadness in his heart. "Would you have loved me enough to tell me the truth? Or would you lie and say his child with golden eyes was still mine?"

There was silence behind him, but Aang could hear the water in the flower vases sloshing around, threatening to make the vases tip over and crash to the floor. He gripped the bedpost for strength, wondering if he'd have the will to defend himself if Katara lashed out at him.

"I am coming to you as Azula's doctor," Katara said coldly, her voice further away. "One of you needs to grow up and be prepared to take care of this child, and at this point, you are the only viable option. There is a very good chance Azula could reject the baby after giving birth, and a lot of that will depend on the way you treat her during the pregnancy."

Aang swallowed thickly, glad that Katara couldn't see him crying. How had things deteriorated so quickly between them, and what had set it off? Had it started when Aang drank the alcohol-laced tea and followed Azula into her room? Or had it started before that, the last time he and Katara broke up, which was more than a year ago? Or had that rift begun to form long before that, back on Ember Island during the war when Zuko and Katara became best friends and started spending so much time together?

"I will inform Mistress Yina that you will be leaving today, Avatar Aang," Katara said. "She will make sure that you have enough supplies to get wherever you're going, and that Appa has been fed before you take off."

Is this what they were destined to become?

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the delay again. New place to live, packing, stupid work. Such things. Anyway! This is my absolute _favorite_ chapter, you guys! When I first decided to go ahead and post this story, this was the bit I was most excited for people to read, especially the final argument between Katara and Aang. I'll deal with that first: I would be a terrible writer if i didn't address the pain that Katara and Zuko's secret relationship caused Aang. Since part of this story is in Aang's POV, I got a chance to address that. He put all of his hopes and dreams in Katara, and when she didn't choose him at the end, he was shattered and (rightly) felt betrayed. Katara's quick to build up a righteous anger and get all ranty at people, and right now, her focus is more on Azula because she's been with Azula from the beginning. She's had a chance to see Azula struggle and be unable to cope with not only getting out of the asylum and adjusting to a new way of life, but this surprise pregnancy and the guilt it's caused. Katara's also a bleeding heart, so she does her best to make everything easy for Azula. The downside is that Aang gets the shaft, not just from Katara, but from everyone. Because he was able to defeat Ozai and "master" the elements at such a young age, people expect a lot from him, and he's facing the realization that he's not prepared to do his job, and there's not much training. Politically, everyone's concerned with fixing the problems as soon as possible, and as Avatar, Aang isn't up to snuff. Mostly because he's 17 and hasn't been given any kind of training or instruction in politics. Expectations are high, and since the world leaders are all so young (the gaang), it's easy to forget that they're just not going to cut it sometimes.

As for Azula, I imagine a two steps forward, three steps back scenario for a while. She needs to accept that things have changed for her just as much as Aang does. The problem in Azula's case is that she has no alternative. She was bred for battle and ruling, and now that she has neither, she has nothing. I've struggled a lot with what Azula would do with her life, and let's be honest, she's not going to stay at home and tend house. That's about as unrealistic as it gets. I've got a few plans for her, but that'll be revealed later in the story. For now, though, she's got to find another source of strength and, as Aang said, some balance. Things will get better for our lovely princess, I promise, but first she needs to get the pain and anger out of her system. Even though she takes backward steps emotionally, I still wanted to emphasize that she's rational and thinking clearly, even if she's operating emotionally rather than logically like before. Her reputation's shot to shit, though, and now she needs to take the reins and figure out what she wants to do with her life. Also, I think this choice is probably daunting to her. Never before was she given so much freedom. Now, she just doesn't know what to do with it.


	6. Seventeen Weeks, and No Denying It

Chapter 6: Seventeen Weeks, and No Denying It

Azula stared at her reflection in the mirror, turning first one way, then the next. She felt numb. No emotions were swirling inside her, no feelings of hopelessness, no anger, no despair. Azula turned sideways again, lightly running her fingers over the noticeable curve of her stomach. She shuddered, drawing in a sharp breath, and waiting for those inevitable tears to start. But she was empty. Numb. Nothing came out, and Azula sighed. She suddenly felt very tired.

"Azula, are you even listening to me?"

Azula looked over her shoulder at Katara, who'd laid out several of Azula's new maternity dresses on the bed. Slowly, time came back to her, and Azula remembered that she was supposed to be attending Zuko and Katara's official engagement party in a few hours. Katara had taken time out of her own preparation to help. Tiredly, Azula rubbed her face, and then turned back to the mirror.

"What's wrong?" Katara asked, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Nothing. It's just…"

Katara finally caught on, looking to where Azula's fingers still rested against that swell, and she squeezed Azula's shoulder, not offering any words of fake sincerity, or promising for the hundredth time that things were going to be fine. Everyone had been telling her that, and she was tired of hearing it.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," Katara said. "We'll understand."

"What's the use of hiding out, now? I'll only get bigger."

She could, conceivably, hide in her room until it was born, but Azula knew the chances of that happening were pretty close to zero. In the past, she'd always confronted her problems head on, simply destroying any obstacles to her success. Now, she wasn't quite sure how to do that. There was no physical thing in her way, no real, tangible obstacle that she could see. She wasn't a whiner. There was no use in whining. Turning toward the bed, Azula took a deep breath and picked out a dress.

When she walked into the large ballroom hours later, Azula did so with her head high. As she passed the herald, he did a double take, his eyes zooming in on her bump. It took him only a few seconds to get his face under control, and Azula made it a point not to acknowledge any lapse in his conduct. When he announced her name, there wasn't the slightest wobble in his voice, and he kept his eyes trained on the room ahead of him. The same could hardly be said for everyone inside, as a thousand pairs of eyes turned toward the large double doors and the figure framed in their opening. The figure with an extra curve that many had been speculating about since the incident at the dress shop three weeks ago.

They whispered as she walked past them, but Azula could barely hear them. She could barely hear anything; she was too busy focusing on that dull ache sitting in her lower back, reminding her that she'd been on her feet for too long. She was too busy thinking about the way her body felt lethargic and heavy. No matter what, Azula kept her gait steady, letting them get a good, long look at her.

"Dammit. If I'd known the Fire Lord had opened bidding on her, I would have entered my son."

Azula clenched her fists, but didn't allow herself the momentary indecision that would have looked like weakness if she faltered as she made her way to the front of the room where her family was seated. Instead, she bit the inside of her cheek and ignored the man. She'd heard worse, from comments about Ozai's questionable morality leeching off on her, to assertions that a young girl spending so much time in the army would only ruin her later. More than that, there was speculation on the father, and for better or worse, Azula kept her mouth shut. Even though she was angry at Aang, pissed that he would just run off at the first sign of trouble, furious that he was forever light and free, she said nothing.

"You look fantastic, my niece," Iroh said.

He pulled out a chair, and Azula sat, only then allowing herself a small sigh of relief. She'd made it, through sheer force of will, through that treacherous pit. Like so many obstacles before, she'd crushed this one. Ursa slid a cup of ginger tea toward her, and Azula accepted it with a slight nod, determined that her manners be immaculate, and that she remind people that she was still a princess of the Fire Nation. There was a constant buzz of conversation, and Azula closed her eyes and let her ears pick up those different strains. She heard dissention and resentment for her brother's choice in bride, and anger from jilted would-be lovers. She heard praise for good international relations and hope that a terrible cycle could be broken with new blood. If she cared enough, Azula could probably pinpoint some of those voices, figure out just who the troublemakers would be. It was routine. She'd done it often enough, and even managed to find it comforting.

"Azula?"

She turned toward her mother, slightly annoyed at having her diversion interrupted.

"Presenting Fire Lord Zuko, and his betrothed, Princess Katara of the Southern Water Tribe," the herald called.

As was custom, the room got quiet, and everyone turned to watch as Zuko and Katara made their way into the massive room with its bright, unforgiving lights, and Azula gladly sank back against her chair, glad to be out of everyone's minds, even if for only a few minutes. She still felt heavy and numb, and briefly she wondered if her mother hadn't slipped something into her tea to keep her calm. It was hard to decide if she was thankful or upset; on the one hand, it was keeping her from being a horrible mess, but it bothered her that her own mother thought she wasn't stable enough to be trusted at public functions. If that heavy feeling hadn't been with her all day, Azula might have believed her mother would do something like that. If Ursa hadn't been constantly making herself available for advice and comfort, Azula might have believed it.

"They look nice, don't they?" Ursa asked, patting Azula's hand where it rested on the table.

Azula only shrugged, not paying the couple much attention. Pregnancy thoughts were seeping back into her brain, and since she didn't have conversation from the guests to focus on, there was nothing she could do to keep those thoughts away. Controlling her breathing with deep breaths, Azula slowly put her hand on that little bulge again, felt the curve of it, its firmness. Its reality. She let her head drop, gripping the tablecloth firmly in one fist as her flat palm rested against her stomach. She started when another hand covered hers.

"I will be the last person to tell you that this is not the time for you to be uncertain," Ursa said, not looking at Azula, but focusing on Zuko and Katara as they made their way through the throng. "This…anger and frustration that you feel, I felt, too. I was…so angry, not just at Ozai for doing that to me, but with myself for not having murdered him in his sleep when I had the chance."

_For not having murdered him in his sleep when I had the chance._Azula couldn't help but look at her mother in astonishment. Ursa was smiling pleasantly as if she'd merely commented on the weather, and Azula fought the urge to rub her eyes just to be sure they were clear. Not for the first time, she wondered who would win if it came down to a battle of the wits between her and her mother.

"Of course, that was anger and hormones talking, and that was a sentiment I shared with absolutely no one," Ursa continued. "Even when my back ached so much it was hard to stand, and my feet were so swollen that I couldn't wear shoes, I kept those thoughts to myself."

Ursa turned slightly toward Azula and smiled a private smile that wasn't quite sinister and not quite pleasant. It was a smile Azula might have given to one of Ozai's generals right before she shot him with lightning. This was the woman who'd orchestrated the death of Fire Lord Azulon, a man who, even though he was in his eighties, was still in peak physical shape. Because she was a prodigy, Azula had the privilege of seeing her grandfather bend, an honor which not many others could claim. His moves had been sharp and precise, cutting straight to the meat of the attack, doing away with all unnecessary movements. Azula had seen his muscles, not weakened in the slightest because of his age. She had felt the power behind his sparse movements, his blows so strong that they almost refused to be dispersed. Azulon was truly a master firebender, and he'd made sure that his namesake would live up to his standard.

"Ozai did have his uses, though."

"Oh?"

"I have you and Zuko now, don't I?"

Azula looked at the hand that still rested on top of her own, which still rested on her stomach. Ursa was not a bender, and to Azula's knowledge, the only skill she had was her knowledge of poisons. Benders from every element, and benders of no element, men, women, and children just barely old enough to be considered teenagers had tried to kill Azulon. The assassins were both skilled and unskilled; they used every weapon from the visible to the invisible, and yet Azulon remained alive.

Then Ursa came, and with ease and minimal consequences, she accomplished what no one else had been able to accomplish. Azula studied her mother, those soft, disarming golden eyes that still made men turn their heads to stare at her. As Azula looked su her mother, tried to pry out her secrets and her hidden truths, Ursa didn't quiver even the slightest under the same gaze that had made Long Feng wither and cower at Azula's feet. If Azulon had fought back against Ursa, there's no way she would still be alive. Which meant that he would have had to go along with her plan. Ursa's smile was steady and unfaltering, almost begging Azula to look deep inside and ferret out the truth.

"How did you do it?" Azula finally asked.

As if that was the question she'd been waiting for, Ursa bowed her head slightly, that smile still firmly in place.

"It is a story I will tell you sometime, but not now."

"Does Zuko know?"

"Only what Iroh told him, and Iroh has never had the truth from me," Ursa said, turning her smile on her son and his fiancée, who'd finally made it to the front of the massive room. "And neither ever will. I am not the saint my son wishes me to be. Over the years, though, I've had time to reexamine my actions. I have come to realize that the girl proudly riding the rhino underneath the Fire Nation's flag in a newly conquered Ba Sing Se was every bit my daughter as she was Ozai's."

When Ursa returned her smile to Azula, she smiled back.

* * *

Aang blinked at the book in front of him. Gingerly, he picked it up, turning it first one way then the other before deciding that the original orientation was, in fact, the correct one. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his eyes and his mind, trying to wrap his head around this not too distant event. The logistics were clear to him; he couldn't do anything to change that. There were some things he could help, though. Aang looked at the picture again and groaned.

Azula was going to be pissed.

"Avatar Aang, the meeting will be starting shortly."

Aang jumped, slamming the book closed and startling Momo in the process. He hadn't told anyone in Ba Sing Se about his reason for leaving, nor did he mention anything about his sudden return. He could see the curiosity on their faces, but he was not inclined to indulge them in any way. Telling them had never crossed his mind, in no small part because he didn't want to heap anything else on Azula. He'd seen the way she reacted when people found out against her wishes. It was painful to watch, and even if her rejection of him later hurt, he didn't want to be the cause of such pain. Azula had been so broken, and it was like seeing her in the asylum again. He was the cause of that. He was the Avatar. He was supposed to heal, not destroy.

He would need to think about Azula later, though. Frantically looking around his room, Aang shoved the book under his pillow, and was about to leave before he decided that he should move it. If the maids came in to clean, they'd find it for sure, then people would start talking, and there would go his plan of sparing Azula more pain. Mumbling, Aang looked around the room again, struggling to find a place to stash the contraband.

"Avatar Aang? Are you in there?"

"I'm coming," Aang called, knowing the secretary would likely open the door if he didn't get a response.

At a loss for places, Aang shoved the book in his travelling bag, then kicked the bag under his bed. He darted out the door, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder and possibly give away its hiding place. Instead, Aang took a deep breath. What he needed to do was focus on getting Ba Sing Se to something resembling a stable place. If he could push the two sides to some sort of agreement, however temporary, he'd be free to sort out his personal life. Hopefully. If he could figure out just what his role was when Azula didn't even seem to want him near her half the time.

When he entered the council room, the two parties were seated across from each other at a long table. Kuei was positioned in the middle of his council. Bosco was nowhere to be seen, and Aang sighed. That meant Grand Secretariat Ai had gotten her way again, and chances were that Kuei would be in a bad mood. In his time trying to help the two sides reach a deal, Aang learned to read these little signs to better judge the mood of the participants. If Kuei was in a bad mood, he'd be less likely to make any concessions, and if Ai was in a bad mood, she probably wouldn't give anything up at all. Reluctantly, Aang took his customary spot at the head of the table—a position of neutrality, not aligned with either side.

"Shall we begin?" Kuei asked, his voice flat.

"Before I left," Aang said, after nodding his assent, "I asked you to come up with a list of ten things you liked about the other side. Did anyone do it?"

The lead representative from the Citizen's Coalition, Liu, spoke up first, hastily smoothing out a scroll.

"We did, Avatar Aang, and it helped to bring a few things to light," Liu said. "Corrupt as he was, Long Feng maintained a low tax rate, and under Kuei's leadership, those rates have remained low. Even in the lower ring, the people aren't so poor that they're being taxed out of their homes."

Aang didn't hold back his smile. He hadn't thought anyone would take that suggestion seriously, and in all honesty, it was the first thing that came to his mind. He was at a loss for how to help them, and he just wanted them to keep busy while he was away. There was never an expectation that it would do any good. Aang nodded encouragingly at Liu, urging him to go on, pleased that something at least turned out for the better.

"We also cross referenced Earth Kingdom poverty rates with those of the Fire Nation and its remaining colonies, and found that Ba Sing Se has a lower poverty rate than Jing Island in the Fire Nation Archipelago. Omashu is on par with Capitol Island. Financially, the Earth Kingdom is doing quite well, particularly through continued trade with the Southern Water Tribe, and a few well brokered deals with the Fire Nation for some naval ships and a portion of the airship fleet, which has been converted to mass public transport." Liu paused before continuing, looking at the council members across from him with a slight air of distaste. "Ba Sing Se is also able to remain semi-self sufficient, since we are able to maintain farms within the city's walls."

"That's great!" Aang said, enthusiasm rising. He turned toward Kuei and his council. "What about you guys?"

General How groaned, smoothing out his own scroll. "Let us start by admitting that this administration hasn't always been as strong as it needs to be in order to protect its citizens. Long Feng's rise to power was a grave oversight, and he should never have come to power."

Aang waited, but General How didn't immediately move forward.

"Well," he said tentatively, "that's not exactly about the Citizen's Coalition. That's more about you."

How grumbled before continuing. "The Citizen's Coalition has come up with some intriguing ideas. It would…appear…that some of our older council members are out of touch with our developing territories. Perhaps it would not be entirely destructive to reform the council, and to include councilmen and women from other cities to better represent the interests of all of our citizens."

Since things were going so well, Aang didn't want to stop them after the first items on their lists, so they spent the rest of the meeting going back and forth, first the Citizen's Coalition, then the government. Aang took notes on nearly everything that was said, and slowly the tension eased out of the room. By the second hour, Aang was elated enough to ask the kitchen to bring cream puffs and tea. There was noise and commotion in the meeting room, but it was a far cry from the noise and commotion that usually filled the air. For the first time, Aang felt like he had a plan and a direction, and everyone was responding well to it.

"This is great," Aang said as they entered the third hour. "We've agreed to restructure Ba Sing Se's council to include representatives from different sections of the Earth Kingdom. We've also decided that taxes will stay low, and no restrictions will be put on trade for the time being. Keeping the poverty level low should be a priority, and I'm sure we can turn to the citizens of the Earth Kingdom to help with all the refugees."

"This is indeed fantastic," Kuei said, his cheeks flushed with excitement, and cream in the corner of his mouth. "If we can increase production, we'll be able to increase exports, right?"

"Correct, your majesty," Ai said, bowing her head.

"We've got the workers and the space, so if we put more money into agriculture, we could even increase trade with the Fire Nation." Kuei flipped rapidly through his own notes, his smile and confidence growing. "Yes, yes. Their food products may be diverse, but quantity is an issue, and if we sell to Fire Lord Zuko at a high price, we'll make a profit, which we can put back into the land and housing the people. This is fantastic! A united Earth Kingdom is an infinitely strong Earth Kingdom."

Aang stopped with a cream puff halfway to his mouth. It was great that Kuei was still making gains in his political studies, but now Aang was wondering if he should question Kuei's choice of teacher. Grand Secretariat Ai had Ba Sing Se's best interests in mind, but it wasn't exactly right to be scamming the Fire Nation. In fact, he didn't like the way this line of thinking was going at all.

"I don't think—"

"It is good business sense, Avatar Aang," Ai said, delicately wiping her mouth. "Go down to the market, and I assure you that you will see price adjustments based on previous relationships at nearly every stall. We help our friends."

Implied was that enemies were left to fend for themselves. Aang looked at the Citizen's Coalition, hoping to see similar disproval written on their faces. It wasn't a complete bust; Liu was nodding in agreement with Ai, but a few of the supporting members did share concerned looks. Aang waited, but no one spoke out against this unjust practice. They couldn't be content to go along with it, could they? Didn't they see just how dangerous this could be?

"Well," Aang said, frowning, "The Fire Nation isn't the enemy anymore."

"I never said it was, Avatar Aang. However, it is our duty to protect our citizens first, just as I am sure Fire Lord Zuko is always acting in the best interest of his citizens. In order to ensure a better life for the people of the Earth Kingdom, we will need the money."

"Then why not raise the price all around? Why single out the Fire Nation?"

General How cleared his throat, and Aang hoped that things weren't going to start going downhill faster than his relationship with Azula had. Aang cringed. Hadn't he thought of Azula as an enemy very recently? Perhaps not in the same way he saw her during the war, but he'd certainly acted as if Azula was to blame for his confusion and for the imagined monks turning their backs on him. Did she feel as lost and betrayed as he did then, hearing Ba Sing Se talk of violating unspoken bonds of trust? Maybe that's why she blew up at him, yelling that string of obscenities in the hall. What he was feeling wasn't exactly sadness, but disappointment, impotent rage, frustration, and a degree of hopelessness. Powerlessness.

"As Citizen Liu mentioned, we have good trade with the Water Tribes. To raise the price of grain for them, for example, might jeopardize our trading relationship. Trade with the Fire Nation is, currently, low. Think of it as recouping losses. While the Water Tribes may turn to the Fire Nation for lower food prices, who does the Fire Nation have to turn to?"

"Let's discuss this later," Aang said, reshuffling his papers. "We've got a good workflow going."

When Aang returned to his room after the meeting, he sighed heavily, leaning with his back against his closed door. He took several deep breaths with his eyes closed, sending out silent prayers that reason would break through this cloud. When he opened them, he saw that Momo was curled up on his travelling bag, which was sitting on the center of his bed. So they'd found it. Had they opened it and seen what was inside?

And why was he hiding Azula like some dirty secret? Maybe he should follow his own advice and write a list of things he admired about her.

* * *

Azula slumped forward as much as she could, resting her forearms on her knees. No matter what she did, there was no way to relieve the ache in her lower back. Standing up, laying down, sitting, slumping, twisting, stretching. Nothing removed that steady ache.

"Hey."

Zuko sat on the stone bench next to her, leaning back on his arms as he turned his face to the sun. Azula grunted her greeting, sighing loudly and rubbing her back in an exaggerated fashion. Zuko took a deep breath and slowly released it, relaxing even further. He wasn't wearing his crown or mantle, and that meant that he didn't have any meetings to attend soon. He'd probably just spent the day cooped up in his office, being bored to death by Katara and her endless parade of fabric swatches and color schemes. No one was able to escape Katara, Queen of Wedding Planning. She'd even blathered endlessly about it during their weekly checkup sessions. Azula could hardly begrudge her brother wanting to get away.

"It's a beautiful day," Zuko said, finally opening his eyes.

By way of response, Azula groaned loudly, twisting from side to side and looking as pained as possible. She rubbed her back again.

"How was—"

"Ooh, my back," Azula complained.

"You could be a normal person and just ask, you know."

Azula turned her back to hide her smile just as much to make it easier for Zuko to massage away the tension. At this point, she shouldn't even have to ask anymore. Under his heated hands, Azula felt the ache slip away, and she was finally able to relax. After a few minutes, Zuko could have stopped, but they'd developed this routine for the past week, and it was one of those increasing moments where they could be completely honest with each other. Maybe it was easier because they didn't have to face each other; maybe it was knowing that they'd been through so much together, and were about to go through more. Maybe it was because they were starting to see more of themselves in each other.

"Your mother's insane," Azula said, starting their conversation.

"She's your mother, too."

"She thinks it's a good idea to share her stories with me."

"Well, that's not so bad," Zuko said, pausing momentarily. "She's always been the one to tell us stories. I mean, you remember what happened that one time he told us a bedtime story."

Azula snorted. "Those weren't the stories I was talking about, but how could I forget? You couldn't sleep for a week."

"That's because you kept wanting to sleep in my bed."

"Because you kept bothering me about what he said."

"Because you kept bringing it up!" Zuko yelled. "If you hadn't been so worried about demons coming to rip your soul apart—"

"Me? That was you!"

Azula turned around to face her brother. He had his arms crossed, his mouth turned down at the corners. Well, fine. If he didn't want to admit his cowardice, he didn't have to. She knew the truth anyway.

"Whatever, Zuzu," she said, mimicking his posture. "That's not exactly what I wanted to talk to you about."

With a sigh, Zuko loosened his posture, and Azula bit her lip. She considered turning her back to have that bit of privacy, but if she was going to grow up and accept responsibility, she would have to face it. There could be no halfway. She'd already triumphed once, and she would not have it said that, after all the things she'd done and faced and beaten, that she was a coward at heart. She would not have it said that she couldn't face one, simple, complicated truth.

"I…I'm going to write to Aang."

"Oh?" Zuko's voice was cautious, slightly hopeful.

Azula closed her eyes. "I've been thinking. He should be here."

* * *

A/N: So, my favorite scene here is the first one, with Azula at the official engagement party. Why? For a little Ursa/Azula bonding. I'm pretty sure I've said it several times in author's notes on various stories, but I don't believe that Azula is solely Ozai's child. Going with my theory that Ursa was the one who killed Azulon, this would mean that she's a very cunning woman. She was able to do what no other person was able to do; there is a dark side to this woman that most people look over because of the way we see her with Zuko. She's soft and motherly. This darkness is something I would imagine Ursa having a hard time confronting, but seeing Azula and wanting to bridge that gap between them would make her a little more willing. And, of course, it makes Azula feel better to know that her mother isn't the saint that Zuko wants her to be, and that they've got something in common. It's their little secret.


	7. Radiance and Understanding

Chapter 7: Radiance and Understanding Only Took Nineteen Weeks

Aang urged Appa to fly faster, his heart racing, but his mind calm. His eyes were dry and his hands steady. Momo was sleeping curled up in his lap and Aang idly scratched his friend's head as Appa groaned.

"I know buddy, we're almost there."

He was racing toward the Fire Nation, even though haste wasn't necessary. Azula's words in her letter to him had been calm and calculated, and in some odd way, they'd given Aang strength and courage. And hope. Her script was as neat as her brother's, but as distinctive as her blue flame. The words had been her own; there was no hint of other voices dictating things for her to write. She'd been bossy and self confident, and Aang supposed it was easier to do that in a letter where you could write several drafts than it was to do it in person. His own reply had been full of confidence and self assured words. Of course, he'd gone through about seven drafts of the letter before he was finally content enough with the wording to send it off.

Smiling softly to himself, Aang pulled out Azula's letter. He'd unfolded and refolded it so many times over the past two and a half weeks that the ink was already beginning to fade in places. Pretty soon he'd wear a hole in the center where the folds converged. Really, he should be far more careful with the precious document. He should get it framed, have it hung up somewhere for all to see. It was probably the greatest achievement of his life.

Azula apologized to him. Azula. How many people had that honor?

Granted, it was buried under some threats and she hadn't actually come out and said, "I'm sorry," or "I was wrong," but Aang still saw it for what it was. He'd had enough conversations with Toph who was practically Azula's twin in ego to be able to pick out grudging apologies. She'd said they'd both made mistakes, and that it was time for them to own up to those mistakes, to take control. There would be no conversation about that night, and there was no need to understand underlying emotions like Iroh thought they needed to do. They'd always known those emotions, even if they wouldn't admit them. They'd always known just what caused that severe lapse in judgment, and revisiting that night would not enlighten them.

"Look Appa! The Gates of Azulon!"

Appa groaned and pushed forward, knowing that soon he'd get to rest, and there would be a hot spring with his name on it, and attendants to scrub him until he was clean and fresh and feeling good. Aang laughed, feeling light as air. When he entered that first meeting in Ba Sing Se after he returned, he'd been nervous and agitated because he didn't know what he was doing. Once a plan started to form in his head, once he had some guidelines, once he had a vague idea of what was needed, he'd felt a million times better. There was purpose in his actions, rather than him pointlessly moving about, hoping for some great source in inspiration to hit him. The solution had hit him like a sledgehammer, and Aang couldn't believe how simple it was. It could be the same with Azula—once he took charge of the situation and had a plan in place and knew what he was doing, he wouldn't have to be so apprehensive around her. He'd taken the liberty of preparing a list of all the things they would need for baby preparation. During late nights spent in the library looking up childcare and preparation, Aang managed to come up with goals and milestones.

More importantly, Azula's letter had given him the encouragement he needed. This wasn't something either of them would be able to do alone; so long as one or the other was putting up some form of resistance, nothing would get done. Azula said that she'd never before let anything hold her back. She'd never run away from a problem, and had always met and overcome every challenge thrown at her. This was new and foreign to them both, but they were smart and ingenious. They could overcome anything.

When he landed, Mistress Yina was waiting for him again, and Aang hopped off Appa's head, landing before the older woman. His feet hit the ground, and he was solid like the earth.

"Princess Azula has informed of us your visit. If you would follow me, Avatar Aang, I will take you to her."

Aang followed behind Yina, his step even, his grip on his staff firm, but not tight from nervousness. Yina did not enter the garden with him, rather gesturing him through the arches that led to the private sanctuary. When Aang stood frozen this time, it was because his mind refused to accept the image in front of him, and had likely ceased to function. He'd been prepared for many situations. This was not one of them.

He almost didn't recognize Azula. She and Zuko were sitting at one of the stone benches underneath an old tree, its branches hanging low and providing shade from the late afternoon sun. Her face was rounder from the extra weight, but she was positively glowing, radiant, and actually smiling a true, unguarded smile. It was a smile he could honestly say he'd never seen before. It suited her beautifully, and there was a deep pang in Aang's heart. She'd been crushed as a child, utterly controlled and destroyed, and for long moments, Aang couldn't reconcile the Azula he'd known in the asylum with the young woman easily smiling and talking with his good friend.

The breeze that carried words that sounded like a mild argument ruffled her hair, thicker and glossier than he remembered, and Aang realized that she was wearing it away from her face. When Azula opened her eyes, Aang could see clear resolution in them. There was an old, familiar spark in those golden eyes, not quite like her brothers, and this recognition glued Aang to the spot. There was no denying that something happened to Azula while he was away. Some inner change he could never hope to guide her toward. Aang watched as Zuko said something to her, and she threw her head back in laughter, clutching her sides, and Zuko bent forward, his shoulders shaking.

Resolutely, Aang let his eyes trail lower, and there was no mistaking it. He might have been able to force himself to believe that she wasn't pregnant the last time he'd seen her, but now, there was a more than gentle curve to her stomach. Even the deep red dress she was wearing couldn't cover it. Aang swallowed hard because Azula wasn't a girl who hadn't meant to get pregnant, and who was now broken and desperately in need of his assistance. This was a woman, cunning like the dragons of her nation, who appeared to be shouldering the situation better than he was. Aang wondered if this would put distance between them, this distinction of her as woman and him still feeling like a child sometimes. Would it put her out of his reach and make him an unnecessary attachment?

"How long are you going to stand there?" she called to him, her voice clear and sharp.

Nervousness that hadn't been there before made Aang's legs shake as he walked toward the siblings, feeling very much like an outsider having intruded on a private moment. They'd been so at ease with each other, so comfortable in their two-person conversation, that it hardly seemed polite to interrupt. It was beginning to seem like a family trait. He hadn't wanted to interrupt Ursa when she was reading _Love Amongst the Dragons_, even if she'd read it more than a hundred times before. Slowly, Aang moved forward. The Fire Nation's royal family was certainly an interesting group of people. When he stopped, he maintained a good distance from Zuko and Azula, lest Zuko's attitude toward him still be on the extreme side.

"I'm not getting up to greet you," Azula said, leaning back on her arms.

"You'll have to excuse her," Zuko said, standing. "She gets cranky when she hasn't had her nap."

Azula smiled at her brother, and they laughed at some private joke, her shoulders shaking lightly. Absently, Azula adjusted the hem of her dress, the fabric draping across her protruding stomach. Aang stood still, eyes fixed on that curve. No matter what, he still had his plan, and Azula's words in that letter had still been her own. She said she needed him. Maybe not in those exact words, but he figured that's what she meant, and he had answered her call eagerly. Or, if not eagerly, then with resolution and determination. No one could accuse him of abandoning her.

"Look, Aang, I was a jerk to you the last time you were here," Zuko said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I refuse to see my sister in so much pain, and frankly, it pissed me off that you were trying to run away from her. Suddenly, Sokka's attitude toward Katara and guys made sense, and I didn't like that, either. I've never considered myself overprotective, but—"

Azula snorted, interrupting her brother with a patronizing look, and Zuko rolled his eyes, mumbling a disgruntled "whatever."

As Azula prodded Zuko with a golden slippered foot, the tension eased out of the air, and Aang relaxed, unable to hold back a smile. He laid his staff down in the grass, not realizing that he'd tightened his grip on it.

"It's ok, Zuko. I forgive you."

Just because he knew Zuko hated it, Aang hugged his friend, holding him close and refusing to let go, no matter how much Zuko squirmed. He threw his arms around Zuko's middle and rubbed his cheek against Zuko's unscarred one. Zuko made a choked, strangled sound, and only when they were about to fall over because Zuko was trying hard to get away did Aang let go. Zuko only hesitated for a moment before making some excuse about wedding planning and practically run out of the garden.

"Let it never be said that the Avatar does not have a cruel streak," Azula pronounced as Aang sat down next to her.

Azula let the silence hang in the air between them, seeming completely comfortable with it. In the quiet, Aang tried to pinpoint all the ways in which she had changed, but it was hard. So much was in her posture and the way that she turned her face toward the sun. So much of it was a feeling in the pit of his stomach; that change was everything intangible about her. She almost seemed guarded, like she was purposefully keeping him at a distance.

"Azula, I know you need me—"

"No, actually I don't," she said casually.

Aang stopped, his mouth hanging open. "But—"

"While you've been gone, I've gotten along just fine." Azula turned slightly to face him. "If you died in two seconds, I'd still have help, so don't you think you're going to come in here and rescue me from something. I'm no damsel. I never have been."

He certainly hadn't been expecting that. This _was _a different Azula. In many ways, she was her old self again, though she hadn't threatened to be the one to kill him in two seconds. But he supposed that what she said was right. Others would come in and take his place, making sure Azula and the child—his child—were well taken care of. Aang sat quietly and just looked at Azula. She reminded him of something Monky Gyaatso said shortly after they discovered that he was the Avatar: the path to true change is never an outward one-it lies within the self.

It seemed his lot in life to keep underestimating people. He'd done it with Ai in Ba Sing Se, he'd done it with Azula the night they'd slept together, and he was doing it again. Two times already, things hadn't turned out the way he wanted, and he was determined to salvage this third. If she wasn't the wounded and tortured person he'd come to expect, he wouldn't treat her like one.

"Relax—"

"What changed?" Aang asked.

"I am a princess of the Fire Nation," Azula said firmly, standing and turning her back to him. "I bested generals and veterans of the War who were three times my age when I was fourteen. I could stare down a man twice my size and make him flinch. I am a prodigy, and as much trouble as it caused me, I could generate and control lightning far better than Azulon, Ozai, or Uncle."

Aang sighed. "It's ok to depend on others, Azula."

"And I _have _depended on others. Those who've shown that they won't run at the first sign of trouble."

"I think you're just as guilty of pushing me away as I was of running. You can't just ignore that."

Azula shrugged, but at least she turned to face him. She looked serious, and Aang smiled at her hopefully. They were, at last, having an open conversation. That had to count for something. He didn't even pull away when Azula's eyes searched him. It was a feeling he'd never get used to, like someone forcing their way into the deepest parts of your mind with a sledgehammer, but he did his best to keep his nervousness to a minimum, hoping that she'd at least let him in on her feelings and not be quite so cold.

"Anyway," Aang said, interrupting Azula's search, "I've got a list of things we need to do before our baby arrives."

"Our baby?"

Azula raised a suspicious eyebrow at him, and Aang thought back to that list he'd written. He admired Azula's physical strength, her ability to turn any negative into a positive, and her cunning. Like Toph, she could see through to a person's core, and Aang knew that he had nothing to hide when he faced her. Not that he could hide anything, even if he wanted. He admired her resiliency, most of all. She'd come back from devastating lows, and stood before him, facing another chasm. The ground might be shaking underneath them, but she wasn't stumbling anymore. If he was being totally honest, even if it was only in his head, there was a lot he could learn from Azula. Aang patted the spot on the bench next to him, but Azula didn't sit.

"It's too hard," she said simply.

"Then we'll go some place that's better for you."

Aang stood, picked up his staff, and started walking back toward the palace, but Azula faltered behind him, indecision flitting across her face. She wasn't always as strong as she wanted him to believe, but Aang wasn't going to point that out. Not now, when they were being civil with each other, and certainly not when it gave him some way to be useful to her. They were meeting on neutral ground. Azula regained her footing and her composure quickly, striding past him, as if she had suggested they go somewhere else. As if she were the leader again.

"We'll go to my room," she called over her shoulder.

They walked through the halls of the palace in silence, Aang slightly behind Azula, watching her walk with her head high and her shoulders back. People were watching their progression. Or rather, they were watching Azula, their eyes almost immediately going to her stomach. Sometimes they sneered, and as they passed groups of people waiting for an audience with one minister or council member, several people whispered behind their hands. Azula gave no sign that she'd seen any of this, and Aang trotted a few steps, hoping to see her expression. She was stoic, even though her fists were clenched and her whole body vibrated with tension. It wasn't right for them to judge her like that. They didn't know the circumstances, and guilt gnawed at Aang. He was causing pain, even after he'd done so much to help her heal. He wasn't sure why he'd never really seen it before now. Maybe he just hadn't been open to it, but Azula had been right when she said that he would get away unscarred. Those very same people who would sneer at Azula would bow respectully to him.

The people they passed had the decency to keep their voices low, though, until they got to the upper floors where the most extravagant guest suites were, just one floor below where the royal family's suites were.

"Slut."

Aang almost didn't hear it at first, and when he turned around to look for the owner of the voice, a group of three girls were headed in the opposite direction. He recognized one as the daughter of a businessman from the outer islands. The girls were whispering to themselves, then laughing. A few times, they cast disparaging looks toward their princess, evidently feeling confident enough that there would be no punishment for such rude behavior.

"Hey—"

"Leave it," Azula said sharply, her head hanging down, her face unhidden, and her nostrils flared.

He was about to argue, but she turned and narrowed her eyes at him. When he saw her clenched jaw and fists, Aang decided to trust her. She'd been in the environment longer than he had, and maybe she knew how to deal with them. If he saw it was too much of a problem, he could always talk to Zuko about it, but for now, it was important to let her handle it.

"Have a snack brought up to my room," Azula instructed one of the servants.

The man bowed to Azula, offering a stiff 'yes, princess,' but Aang didn't miss the way the man was smiling as soon as his back was turned, like he knew some secret about the disgraced princess. The smile slipped away when the servant noticed he was being watched. Bowing, he hurried past a frowning Aang, moving as fast as he could without running. This was just ridiculous. Aang rubbed his forehead. No wonder Azula was so determined to be cold and upright, reminding people that she was still a princess of the Fire Nation. It was like everyone just forgot her title and who she had been. There was no fear anymore to hold them in place, and it pissed Aang off that they would just treat her like garbage. Where was the respect for the strong warrior and brilliant strategist? It wasn't so long ago that they would have hurried out of her presence so they didn't offend her. Aang clenched his own fists, literally biting his tongue to keep quiet. He wanted very much to trust Azula.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, Aang almost had to bash his head against the wall. Two severe looking older women walked past, and one roughly bumped into Azula's shoulder and sending her off balance. Aang rushed to her side to support her. Azula's hands were warm in his, and her grip was like a vice, very near to being painful. So close, he could hear her labored breathing, as if it was costing everything she had not to lash out at those women. He'd never seen her show such restraint before, and it scared him.

"As if it wasn't bad enough that she's with child," the aggressive one said to her friend, "now she's entertaining men in her room. Alone."

"It's only the Avatar," the friend replied, waving away the notion as if Aang didn't qualify for the label of man.

"Yes, but he's still a man. Or boy. Either way, he's male and he's got male parts," the aggressor said flippantly. "Next thing you know, they'll be saying the princess seduced him just so she could get pregnant and make the Avatar loyal to the Fire Nation."

"Ugh, as if the world didn't hate us enough."

The two women turned the corner, still complaining to themselves, and Azula opened her door silently and stiffly. Azula _had _changed, and Aang wasn't too sure that he liked it. He couldn't take it anymore.

"That is _not _ok, Azula," Aang yelled, slamming the door behind him with the very opposite of the restraint Azula had shown. "They have no right to talk about you like that, like you're not even a real person anymore! I can't even…"

He paced restlessly, anger and surprise at that anger rising inside him, as Azula carefully arranged her cushions and sat down with a groan. She didn't even seem to be listening to him, just kicking off her shoes and resting her feet on a plush stool. She folded her hands over her stomach and leaned her head back, closing her eyes. This was completely incomprehensible to Aang. No one deserved to be treated like that, and he understood guilt, understood the need and want to feel like you were being punished for your wrongs, but there had to be a line. Even he'd drawn a line in how long he was going to feel guilty without doing anything.

"Do people always treat you like that? Do they always say such nasty things about you? And do you always let them get away with it like that? You can't just bottle up your feelings, Azula. It's not good for you. You have to let it out."

Azula said nothing, looking for all the world as if she was sleep. Aang waited, and still Azula remained quiet and immobile. The longer she was quiet, ignoring him, the more the anger built in the pit of his stomach, burning like a fire, and for a brief moment, he felt the flames come unbidden to his hands. Aang couldn't really explain it. He just felt so disappointed in everyone. He was disappointed in the people who were supposed to be the adults, but were acting like selfish children, he was disappointed in the people who were supposed to be invested in peace and unity, he was disappointed in Ai and those two women and those three girls. He was disappointed in Kuei and Liu. He was disappointed in Azula.

He was disappointed in himself.

There was a knock at the door. "Food for Princess Azula," the servant called.

Aang answered the door, accepting the tray with shaking hands and setting it down on the low table harder than he needed. He did not close the door, rather slamming it so hard that it startled Azula out of her pretend sleep and rattled the china. Aang couldn't turn around and face her just yet. He rested with his head pressed against the door, his palms flat, just breathing, cycling through airbender breathing techniques. Just calming down, because nothing would be accomplished with his anger.

"What do you want me to do?" Azula asked sternly. "Should I strip them and burn them in the courtyard for everyone to see? Shoot them with lightning so strong it rips the very fibres of their hearts apart? Should I have Zuko exile them to the deep mines or behead them in a public ceremony or have them stripped of their lands and titles, and given over to those who hate them most? Should I have beat those old bats with that antique vase until the blood poured from their eyes? Or maybe I should use my bare hands and squeeze their throats and watch as death makes them slack in my hands."

Slowly, Aang turned to face Azula. She wasn't looking at him, rather looking at her stomach, one hand slowly moving over the curve. Since her hair was pinned back, she couldn't hide behind it, and Aang could see the rage clearly. How could he have been so foolish? Azula had always dealt with conflict in a finite amount of violent ways before. Since her release, she'd been doing her best to be a different person, but she had no way to deal with such conflict. Sighing heavily, Aang sat next to her, and tentatively placed his hand on her stomach. Azula started, but she didn't look at him.

"I can't see Zuko knowing about this and people continuing to act this way towards you."

Azula's shoulders shook, and Aang panicked before he realized she was laughing silently. When she looked at him, it was to give him a mirthless smile, her head tilted slightly to the side. Her fingers twitched, touching his briefly, but Aang didn't dare to look away from those golden eyes for fear of losing this moment.

"I don't intend to run to my brother every time I have a problem."

"Will you run to me?"

At this, Azula laughed outright, throwing her head back in the same way she'd done with Zuko. There was more than a hint of a smile on her face, and her shoulders shook as she doubled over. She didn't push him away, though, and Aang thought that was a good sign, though it did little to quell the fear growing inside him, not only at the actions of people toward her, but of her own violent thoughts. The last thing the world needed was for Azula to be a time bomb.

"I'm not a damsel, remember? Come on," she said, reaching to uncover one of the dishes on the table. "I'm starving."

She could mask her pain all she wanted, but Aang wouldn't be fooled so easily. Politics had taught him something, after all. If you wanted to keep the upper hand, you didn't reveal your emotions to your opponent. There was also the bonus of having gone through this before with Zuko. When they were younger, Zuko had a bad habit of laughing off painful subjects, pretending it was absurd for someone to even ask such a question.

Zuko had always done that with him, and he'd seen Zuko do it to Toph and Sokka as well, and he knew how close they were to him. Being back in the Fire Nation meant he got to help Azula, but it also meant he'd have to face Katara at some point. Odd, he hadn't thought of her lately, but now he wondered if Zuko told her things he wouldn't tell the others. Of course he did. She'd said as much; she'd been the first to learn about all the details of his scar, for one. He glanced at Azula, who was shoving an entire sticky bun in her mouth. She licked her fingers, savoring the taste with a soft smile. Would it be too much to expect the same kind of confidence from Azula? Or was that expecting what was between them to be too much like a normal relationship? What did he want from their relationship?

"You're staring at me. What're you thinking about?" Azula asked, another bun in hand.

Aang jumped, blushing furiously; he didn't think he'd been staring. He shook his head to clear his mind, and hurriedly shoved food in his mouth so he wouldn't have to talk. Azula snorted, haughtily waving her chopsticks around.

"Katara's got her hands full right now," she said. "She's got grand, stupid ideas for this wedding, and she's planning several trips to the outer islands and colonies to assess their hospitals and schools. But trust me, that bleeding heart feels bad for the way things happened between the two of you. I see it every time she looks at me."

"How do you do that?" Aang asked, his voice shrill as he recoiled from her. It was simply unnatural that she could read thoughts so clearly.

"Magic."

* * *

A/N: So, several people have brought up that Azula is too idle and that she wouldn't suffer people treating her this way. Well, this chapter kind of explains why. In the show, we see her deal with conflict in a very finite number of violent ways. As part of her change (and also a rejection of her bending) this isn't something she's willing to do anymore. Also, she no longer holds any sort of position of power, and unfortunately never will again. Her reputation during the war will have soured the pot for her forever. While Zuko may talk to her, and she may give him advice, it would cause too many problems if she were given an official position. Though she's changed, and will continue to change, she is still a symbol of "the old regime." Don't worry, though. I've got a place in mind for her. She'll need to find and forge a new place for herself in this post-war world. To a certain extent, I see Azula keeping quiet about Aang having gotten her pregnant as a form of self punishment. I still think it's too early for her to have completely forgiven herself for the things she's done during the war. But it's also a form of control. And, really, given who Aang is, would they believe her right away? It could also turn out quite dangerously (as the two old women believe) and make the world think it's a power grab.

On another note, I'd originally intended for this to play out quite differently, with Azula relying more on Aang, but at some point I realized that Azula's got a huge support system. There are a lot of people who would be in her corner and support her, and she doesn't _need_ Aang. At least, she doesn't need him in the sense that, without him, she'd completely fall apart. That puts her too much in his control, and at this point, she needs to find her own footing. And believe me, there's going to be a mutual exchange here. Aang's got a lot to learn, too.


	8. Regaining Self at 22 Weeks

Chapter 8: Regaining Self at 22 Weeks

Azula took a deep breath, holding it in for three counts before releasing it. She was no longer aware of the ache in her knees or back; she'd ceased to feel her body a while ago. Instead, what she felt were the flames of the three candles in front of her and the heat of the early morning sun as it slowly rose over the horizon. Whether the flames called out to her, or her body called out to the flames, she couldn't tell, but Azula could feel them inching closer to her, becoming hotter as they settled into her palms. It was a familiar feeling, but that feeling did little to calm and soothe her. The flames pulsed, and Azula tried to maintain even breathing, knowing that the beat of the flames was tied to the beat of her heart.

She was quickly losing that meditative state as she became aware of the panic deep in her chest that always came when she tried to bend. Against her will, her mind started turning toward darker things. She could see herself at two, watching Zuko and Lu Ten practice and feeling the fire flare in her stomach. Then she thought about when Ozai first discovered her bending. She was only three, and he'd always seemed so large and imposing to her. He towered over her, and his surprise was quickly overcome by anger, and his face had contorted so much, and she could feel the heat pouring off his body. It was a palpable force, and it crashed into her. She'd let the tiny blue flame in her hand go out, completely withering under that cold, evil, malicious gaze. His grip was too tight when he grabbed her, shook her, and she screamed, not hearing the demand he made over the pounding of her heart, and when he grabbed her hands, studying them, she tried desperately to pull away from him, screaming for her mother. His look had darkened even more, his lips contracted to a tight line, and he demanded to be taken to Ursa. Azula had barely been able to walk, she was so terrified.

She couldn't breathe. Sensation was returning to her hands and she tried to fight it off, but her control started slipping, and the fire was too hot, threatening to burn her palms. The aches and pains came back to her, and her whole body was shaking, and she couldn't even scream as she tossed the fire away from her. When she finally and fully came back to herself, it was such a horrible feeling, and her stomach roiled, and she wanted to cover her mouth, but her arms were too numb. Something warm was wrapping itself around her, and Azula pushed away from it, the edges of her consciousness a little fogged and not letting her see the world around her.

"It's ok. Relax. I've got you. I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you."

These words were repeated in soft, soothing tones until that panic began to recede, and Azula closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing. The shaking slowly stopped, and when she opened her eyes again, the sun was casting a golden light on the palace's private garden. The turtleducks quacked contentedly in their pond, and the scent of moon peach blossoms were heavy in the air as a few petals landed on the water. These were things she was used to. She knew where she was.

"I've got you."

Azula looked above her. Aang had the largest, stupidest grin she could ever imagine, his head blocking out the sun. She was still breathing heavily, sweat making her hair stick to her face. Gently, Aang moved a strand off her lip, then pushed the hair away from her face, and Azula blushed deeply when she realized she was lying in his lap. Her blush deepened when she felt him stroking her hair, and it was all very intimate, and in no way appropriate.

Azula bolted upright and immediately regretted it, as the blood rushed to her head, practically sending her back into Aang's lap.

"Hey, take it easy," Aang said gently, rubbing her back. "That was some pretty intense stuff."

Aang handed her a glass of water, and Azula drained it, thrusting the cup out for a refill. In front of her were the remnants of the three candles, little more than puddles of wax in the grass. It had been Aang's idea to try sun meditations, and Azula couldn't really say why she'd agreed. He believed that it would help her find balance, unblock chi flow, blah blah blah. He said it would help to center her and help her release some of the tension that she was holding, because he read that stress and tension were bad for a baby's development.

She was going to murder him if she heard that one more time. Bad for the baby's development. Apparently, everything was bad for the baby's development. Her baths were too hot, the food too spicy, too much meat, not enough vegetables, need more exercise. She glanced up at Aang, and he was still smiling at her.

"You controlled the fire, Azula," he said. "It was blue, just like your fire, and you called it to you. You even held it in your hands! I knew you could do it! It's just like I told you. Fire doesn't have to be the element of destruction. You can control it and use it for good—"

"We are not having this conversation right now," Azula ground out.

He was so excited, it was almost a shame to break his heart by telling him how she wanted to do nothing more than throw up on him. They'd been meditating outside during the sunrise every morning since the day after he returned to the Fire Nation, and Azula had seen slow, but definite changes. Even if she felt like it, she hadn't actually thrown up yet. And this time, she managed to stay in that meditative state for the duration of the sunrise. When they first started nearly a month ago, she could barely hold it for a few minutes without panicking and losing control of the fire, nearly burning herself. That was Zuko's thing. He'd always been the one to almost burn himself when he was learning to control his bending. She'd never so much as accidentally burned the curtains, whereas he'd actually set the nursery on fire.

"I suppose," Azula said, accepting the sticky bun Aang handed her, "that there has been some improvement."

"Some? Azula, everyone's noticed a change! Would you cut it out and give yourself some credit?"

Azula said nothing, instead focusing on her sticky bun and realizing just how hungry she was. They'd developed some odd routine where they'd meditate in the morning, and have breakfast together in the garden. When she was feeling stable enough, they'd go back to her room, Aang chattering away about all the progress she'd made, and he'd run her a nice, hot bath, then leave her to soak in her thoughts.

"When are you going back to Ba Sing Se?" Azula asked, eager to have her mind turned to something she could handle. "They'll be expecting you soon."

"I haven't quite made up my mind yet," Aang said, shrugging. "With something like a treaty between them, they don't need me there for a while. Besides, don't you want me here?"

"What you accomplished was in no way a treaty," Azula reproached, pouring tea for the two of them. "Nothing is legally binding until it's agreed upon, set down in writing, and signed by all parties. What you've got is an agreement based on good faith, which is next to worthless. And if you think for a second that Ai will be content to let Kuei cave to all the Citizen's Coalition's demands, you are sorely mistaken."

Aang stopped with the cup of tea halfway to his mouth. He gave her the most curious look, as if he couldn't understand a word she'd just said. As if he'd expected the years to dull her mind. Azula smiled back at him, her own slightly lopsided, and she calmly sipped her tea. When it came to matters of politics, she would always have the upper hand between them. This was the sort of thing she was bred for. It would be a small matter to convince Aang that the best thing to do would be to make Kuei abdicate his throne and put Ai's son in place, with Ai herself as regent until the boy came of age. Azula swished the tea in her mouth.

"I've still got it," she mumbled to herself, immensely pleased.

Aang hung his head, pushing his meal around his plate. "She promised to work with the Citizen's Coalition instead of outright rejecting everything they offered. We came to a really good place before I left." Aang paused, glancing up at Azula. "And how do you know about Grand Secretariat Ai?"

Azula waved this away, idly looking for more sweets and wishing she'd had them make her one of those custards Zuko was so fond of. "I've listened to Zuko bitch about her enough that I know her name, position, family history, political history, general disposition, political record, and the likelihood of her accepting or rejecting any given proposal." Azula popped a lychee nut in her mouth. "I can tell you with every certainty that your Grand Secretariat is in no way fond of the world being run by a bunch of children."

"Ugh, we're not children!"

Shrugging, Azula tried to stand. "As far as Ai is concerned, all of you are horribly under qualified to govern anything, and truth be told, she's right. Who among you have had proper political training? Who's been groomed for their current positions? Despite your inclination to believe so, even Zuzu isn't quite prepared."

It was weird to have someone so attentive to her needs. Before she'd even got her feet under her, Aang was by her side, supporting her and encouraging her to lean on him to take the weight off her already stiff joints. His was listening intently to her, his brow furrowed, his grip on her firm, but still gentle. When she was standing again, Aang still held her.

"Do you want to sit down first?" He asked. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have stayed on the ground for so long."

It was touching in one way, smothering in another. No one had ever clung to her as much as Aang had been doing in the past month, and Azula couldn't decide just how much she hated it. It was like having a personal servant to do all her bidding, but then she couldn't banish him when she wanted him to go away. Aang led her over to the bench and eased her down, quickly moving to massage the tension away from her back. Azula had a very snappy comeback on the tip of her tongue, but the moment she opened her mouth, her words turned to a pleasurable moan and she leaned back against Aang.

They both froze, and Azula could feel the heat pooling in her cheeks. Her day was not allowed to start off with two awkward moments.

* * *

"This won't take long," Katara said, sitting the bowl of warm water on the bed near Azula's feet. "You've been progressing smoothly—"

"What about her diet? Do you think she's eating too many sweets?"

"What part about stand there and be quiet or I'll kick you out don't you understand?" Azula yelled at Aang, making him cringe.

She huffed and crossed her arms. Aang whispered sorry, and shrank back appropriately, rubbing the back of his neck. He kept his head down, but Azula was watching him and noting that he occasionally stole glances at the two women. She sighed. Weird things came in threes. This was the first time Aang and Katara were in a room together in such close proximity. Sure they were in the same room during dinner, and since the table was small, they all sat rather close together. But at dinner, there were too many ears, and while her weekly invasive checkup wasn't exactly the best place to have such a private conversation, the lack of bodies no doubt lent itself to such thoughts. Azula saw that Katara was more tense than usual, and briefly she considered that it hadn't been a good idea to agree to Aang being there.

Aang was standing obedient and silent in the corner, though Azula knew it wasn't only because of her admonishment. She didn't know where she and Aang stood, but it was easy to pinpoint what they weren't. There were examples of proper relationships around them, and comparing what she and Aang were to each other fell short of every standard set out by their family. She also knew they weren't lovers; the very thought sent unpleasant shivers down her spine. They were friendly, but she wasn't sure she'd call him a friend. He'd done a lot for her, that was true, but Azula didn't know if that made them friends.

"Well," Katara said pensively, "I don't like the way this feels."

"What?" Aang launched himself off the wall, immediately coming to stand by her side. "You don't like the way it feels? Is everything alright? Are they in danger?"

Katara deposited the water in the bowl, before standing and pacing the room. She was tapping her finger against her chin as she walked, and Azula followed this movement closely. Katara started counting on her fingers, the number increasing, then decreasing, but she remained silent, not letting them in on her thoughts.

"Katara, please."

Aang's voice was soft and desperate, and Azula didn't realize her hands had gone clammy until he grabbed one, pressing it tightly between his own. That was almost too much, and Azula closed her eyes as she let her legs slide down slowly, her stomach protruding above her. Once, when she was younger and couldn't sleep, she'd thought about all the ways she could die. Nothing having to do with children or bringing them into the world had been on that list. Even a few days ago when she was listening to her mother tell her those Agni-awful stories about giving birth to her and Zuko, Azula hadn't considered that she could die from it. No one had mentioned anything about death.

"Katara—"

"The baby's heartbeat felt a little off, and so did yours, Azula," Katara said, sitting next to them on the bed. "I know this is a really stressful time for you, but stress could be a factor. I wanted to think about possible causes before I said anything just now, so let's try this first, ok?"

Aang nodded eagerly, giving Azula's hand another squeeze. She tried to pull it away from him, but he held on tightly. Perhaps, she thought, he was the one who needed his hand held. In the short month they'd spent more time together, he'd become increasingly attached to her. She stopped struggling against him. It wasn't like he was giving up her hand, anyway.

"I don't think it's fatal at all," Katara continued. "It's just something I want to keep an eye on. I'll prescribe bed rest for a few days. Low impact activities. I'll monitor your sugar intake, and will likely tell you to eat more balanced meals." Katara looked sternly at Azula. "You're almost as bad as your brother, who thinks tea and custard are a well balanced breakfast."

Despite her attempts to be stern, Katara's face softened at the thought of her fiancé, and it was hard for Azula to not look away. She watched Katara fight a smile before she shook her head, and headed to the bathroom to dump the water. Next to her, Aang let out a deep breath, leaning back against the headboard. He pressed his hand to his chest as if feeling his own heartbeat. He still hadn't let go of her hand.

"That was terrible," Aang whispered. "I…I don't…"

He didn't finish whatever he was going to say, and Katara came back, breaking the moment.

"Also like your brother, I know you like to push yourself. Don't. Save that for after the baby's born, but now, _please _take things easy. You need to listen to your body, Azula. When you're hungry, eat, when you're tired, sleep. If you ache, rest."

Azula nodded obediently, and Katara left, closing the door behind her, leaving Aang and Azula alone in her bedroom. They remained in a silence that stretched on for minutes. What was there to say? Maybe she'd overreacted in thinking she was going to die, maybe she didn't. Either way, this whole situation seemed to get heavier as the days went on. Probably the worst part was being told she had to stay in one spot. Even when she wasn't allowed to do much when she first got out of the asylum, she was still allowed to roam until she got tired of it. Things had always been her choice. This was just one more thing this kid was going to take away from her.

"You can let go, now," Azula said gently, rolling away from Aang and pushing herself into a sitting position.

"You aren't going to get out of bed right after she prescribed bed rest, are you?" he asked frantically.

"Relax," Azula said, touching her feet to the ground. "I'm just going to sit in the window."

She pushed it open just a bit to let in some fresh air, enjoying the way it blew through her hair. That numbness had come back during the minutes she waited for Katara to say exactly what felt wrong and how. It was such an odd feeling to have so little control over her body. She'd spent her life training every muscle, and now, someone else was in control of her body. Still, she'd felt that numbness and apprehension. Ursa had spoken of 'motherly instincts;' had her brief panic been caused by that instinct? Azula snorted. Like she'd have motherly instincts. That was probably something her mother just made up.

"Hey, Azula? Babies are…really complicated."

"Gee, how long did it take you to figure that one out?"

"Oh, that makes me feel a lot better, Azula," Aang said, crossing his arms. "I was really worried about you."

"I won't die that easily."

"This isn't like fighting a war where you can control things around you."

"So I've noticed."

"Ugh, would you cut that out!"

Aang flew off the bed, coming to stand right in front of her, his face barely a few inches from her own. Azula couldn't help smiling. While her brother had ceased to become an easy target, Aang certainly was still one, and would likely always be one. It was oddly comforting, knowing he'd always be the same.

"My, my, aren't we rather aggressive?" She tilted her head to the side, leaning back against the window frame.

"Why do you always do this to me? Why are you nice to me one minute, then really nasty the next?"

Azula started. "Oh, come on—"

"Or do you still expect me to be nice, quiet Aang who runs away, too?"

"You were up until a month ago."

"But I'm trying to be different. For you, Azula. At least acknowledge that I've been different."

* * *

Damn that conscience of hers.

Azula tossed back the covers and sat up in bed, arranging the pillows behind her. She crossed her arms and frowned. Whether she would admit it aloud or not, hearing Katara hesitate like that really did scare her, and she knew it scared Aang. She'd cried and raged and felt despondent about this whole issue, but through it all, she'd never considered that there might be any real danger. Azula could perfectly recall the concern on Katara's face, the confusion that made her eyes narrow briefly before she controlled herself again. She remembered the way the water began to glow slightly, could feel something fluttering inside her. For precious few seconds, Azula had been strongly aware of her own heartbeat, and it didn't feel right. Deep in the pit of her stomach she knew something was wrong. Azula ran her hands along her bump.

In the moment, she was eager to dismiss Ursa's claims of some primal instinct that rose in the mother to protect the child. Ursa claimed to have felt that instinct when both she and Zuko were still growing inside her, and yet, she'd chosen to follow it with only one of her children. Azula moved her hand over her stomach in a slow circle. She knew the truth of her family's troubled life before she and Zuko were born. The secrets he uncovered from their uncle, Zuko readily shared with her. She knew of the scheming of the brothers, of their desire to keep each other from power, how her mother had placed herself in the middle, even though she didn't have to, and really shouldn't have. Azula knew that Ozai had seen her as a powerful pai sho tile from the moment he first discovered her bending. It was an extremely hostile atmosphere Ursa was placed in against her wishes.

Azula paused in her tummy rubbing, unable to hold back a little laugh.

"Now who does that sound like?" Azula asked aloud, looking at her stomach. "Forced into a situation against her wishes."

It was a good thing she'd never have to choose between her children. She started moving her hand in those slow, soothing circles again, letting out a long breath. Aang had been hurt by what she said earlier, and in truth, she shouldn't have said it. It was just easier to reach for anger than it was to confront what she was feeling. She'd always known that, or at least she'd known it since she read her psychological profile at the asylum. Anger had worked so well for her in the past, and in a pinch, old habits die hard. That was the first thing they tried to break at the asylum, this habit of resorting to anger, and mostly they had succeeded. Perhaps they'd just been horribly unprepared to deal with all the problems she had. If she didn't have her anger, what did she have, really?

Azula knew she should say something to make Aang feel better, like how she thought he had his uses. For one, he always had time for her, even if he was "studying." He truly listened when she talked, and what's more, he was actually working to give her something more than anger. For a long while, Zuko tried to fill in when he could, but he was just as bad with anger as she was, and too often he was pulled off for meetings and Fire Lord stuff. Azula smiled. Aang was easier to train than Zuko. Her brother had that stupid stubborn streak three miles wide, but Aang was so eager to please and be useful.

Laying back against her pillows, Azula closed her eyes. She could almost drift back to sleep like this. She nested in the pillows a bit more, pulling the blanket up to her chin. She placed her hand on her stomach again, returning to those oddly calming circular motions. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she felt something pushing against her hand. It was light, almost imperceptible, but Azula knew she didn't imagine it when she felt it again. Yelling in her surprise, Azula ripped her hand away from her stomach and threw the covers back. She sat, dumbstruck, staring at her stomach. Because it just moved. Moved. She was nearly certain that your stomach wasn't supposed to move. Unless...

"Princess Azula, is everything alright?"

Azula couldn't answer. Her hands trembled as she brought them on either side of her stomach. It was what was insider her that moved. The baby. That little person.

"Princess?"

Vaguely, Azula could hear the guards talking amongst themselves, their voices sounding like questions. She swallowed thickly, before getting out of the bed and putting on a robe. She made it to the anteroom before she stopped again, wondering just where she was going. There was nothing wrong with her, and it was the middle of the night. Stars were peeking out through the clouds, and even the cat-owls had ceased their hooting. Wherever she was going, it most certainly couldn't be back to bed. She was too shaken up to go to sleep just now.

"Princesss Azula, if we don't hear an answer, we'll have to come in."

Azula sighed, moving resolutely toward the door and opening it, steeling herself, reaching for that anger, if for no other reason that to give her strength and not show weakness to these guards.

"I'm fine," she said tersely, pulling her robe tighter around her. "I'm just…I'm going for a walk. I need air."

"Since it's so late, Princess, I'll have to escort you."

Azula raised an eyebrow at the guard who'd spoken. He was a captain in the royal guard; the emblem on his uniform and the way the others deferred to him marked him as such. Azula looked the guy up and down, inspected his armor, the way he carried his weapon at his hip. He was seasoned, had likely served during the war. He took a step forward, his arm out to usher her outside, the lightness in his step and the looseness in his limbs telling her that he was ready to subdue her in a moment's notice, should she get out of hand. Stepping back, Azula snorted derisively.

"No doubt these are my brother's orders."

"Yes, Princess."

Too shaken to put up a fight, Azula was ready to allow him to follow her, but another voice spoke up.

"I'll walk with her," Aang said, standing a few paces away from the guards, staff in hand. "If you were heading to the garden, I was going there myself."

When they were alone in the garden, Azula wasted no time in getting to the point.

"I felt it move tonight. The baby."

"Really?"

Aang whipped around to face her, his eyes wide. He wasn't smiling like she thought he might, but that didn't matter too much. Azula wasn't sure how she felt about it, either.

"What did it feel like?"

Azula shrugged. "It's hard to describe."

"Can you make it happen again?"

"I didn't make it happen the first time."

Aang laughed, scooting closer to Azula on the bench. He waited with his hand poised above her stomach, and reluctantly, Azula nodded. He might have been eager to feel the baby move, but she wasn't. It was creepy to think about another living, breathing person swimming around inside her. It was a tiny person with tiny hands and feet, and somehow, the universe had thought it a good idea to put her and Aang in charge of nurturing a person.

A light giggle interrupted the moment, and drew their attention to a balcony. There, in the dim lighting of the night, were Zuko and Katara. The lamplight from inside spilled out onto the balcony, as Zuko wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. Katara fell back against him, leaning her head against his shoulder, and he kissed her neck. Their mouths were moving, but Azula and Aang were two far away to hear.

"Did you feel it?" Azula asked, pulling her eyes away from the lovers.

She watched the subtle changes on Aang's face. Anger, disappointment, pain. Finally he just became blank, his eyes almost looking dead, and Azula sighed.

"Aang—"

"Yeah. I felt it."

Katara had turned in Zuko's arms, and his hands were at her waist as they kissed. Slowly, Katara wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Uncle likes to say that destiny is a funny thing," Azula offered, unsure of how these things were supposed to work.

"It is. I'm not sure it's the good kind of funny, though."

"What do the spirits care what we think? So she wasn't your destiny."

"Apparently you are."

Azula stifled her laugh, hoping to remain undetected by her brother and his fiancée. Aang sent her a frustrated look, but Azula didn't feel inclined to stop laughing just yet. When her giggles finally died away, Aang was smiling slightly as he shook his head.

"The Avatar and the prodigy. What better penance for the Fire Nation, hm?" she asked.

"Oh come on. Don't think of it like that."

Aang put his hand on her stomach again, and this time his smile was wider. It was more genuine, and didn't hold any hint of sarcasm.

"We are alike, you and I," Azula said, looking at the balcony again. "You learned the four bending arts quicker than any past Avatar, even those in similar situations. I was born spitting blue fire. Everything comes easy to us."

"It looks like children come easy to us, too."

This time, Azula didn't stifle her laughs quick enough, even though she clamped her hand over her mouth. Above them, Zuko and Katara stopped making out long enough to see who else was in the garden. Zuko smiled and was about to wave, but Katara stopped him, grabbing his hand and practically dragging them back inside.

"Don't read too much into it," Azula said preemptively. "She just wants to give us some privacy. You need to talk to her, though. You two can't keep dancing around each other."

"I know. It's just…"

"You used to be a lot…peppier. I hated when you came to visit me. You could never just let me be."

Aang shrugged. "I thought helping people find peace would be a much simpler thing. The more I tried to work out treaties, the more I was convinced they didn't really want peace at all. They'll say one thing and do another."

"That's because you're too soft and give them too many options. People need structure." Azula pushed herself off the bench, careful to rise slowly to avoid dizziness. "What you need to do is tell them they're going to sign the treaty and that they don't have a choice. They lost their chance."

"I can't do that!" Aang stood, too, gripping his staff. "That's—"

"Showing you won't cave to their demands?"

"No, it's being a bully."

"Not if you say 'please,' and 'thank you,' it isn't."

Azula started walking toward the palace again, feeling calmed enough to go to sleep.

"When you're ready to talk politics," she called over her shoulder, "and not kiddy stuff, come talk to me. I'll show you how it's really done."

She might not be ok with her bending, but Azula could still read a person a mile away. She would even argue that her "people skills" had increased since she'd abandoned her bending. It was something relatively harmless that she could concentrate on. It reminded her of the old days when people respected her. Now, they just talked within earshot of her, certain that she wasn't sane enough to understand their words. Azula smiled as she padded silently back to her room.

She knew she was sane enough to understand their words and all their implications. She wasn't a maniac psycho bitch. At least, not in the old way, anymore. The hard part was finding the most productive way to use this information. Because of who she'd been, people rarely trusted the things she said. Maybe she just needed the right mouthpiece.

* * *

A/N: I've got to say, this quickly became one of my most involved stories. More involved than creating the arc between _The Chase_ and _Finding My Way Home_. Even the character arcs feel more involved and certainly more drastic than the ones I've done before. This starts the part I'm most happy with: Azula is slowly coming into her own, and more of the old Azula is able to peek out. Like I said, I've got a very specific position in mind for Azula. I hate the character arc where the strong woman gets delegated to the role of wife and mother, and nothing more than that. I resisted it for Katara, and you can bet your ass it's not going to happen to Azula. She was born to kick ass, and kick ass she will.


	9. What Needs to be Said, 22 Weeks Late

Chapter 9: Saying What Needs to be Said, 22 Weeks Late

Hesitantly, Aang knocked on the door to Zuko's study. While he waited for Katara to answer, he straightened his clothes, set his shoulders back. Azula told him he should be firm, but nonconfrontational; if he came off too strong, Katara would immediately resist him and do that thing where she stopped listening and started yelling with her hands on her hips. Aang had no intention of this conversation going in the yelly, motherly admonition direction, but Azula assured him that, given the subject, it would unless he remained in control.

"Come in," Katara called.

Why was he even taking Azula's advice? Right. She was a master of confrontation, and since the other master, Toph, was off visiting her parents, he didn't have a choice. Again, he straightened his clothes, then pushed the door open.

"Hey Katara," he said, trying to sound calm and hide the fact that his palms were sweating. "I was wondering if you had a moment to talk."

She was cleaning up papers on her side of the desk, organizing them into neat stacks, and she paused to look at him. She didn't say anything, just blinked at him. She took a deep breath before nodding.

"Let's go out in the garden."

"Actually, I'd prefer if we stayed here."

Aang rubbed the back of his head, not quite looking at Katara. He snapped to attention, though, remembering that Azula told him such behavior was a clear signal that he was conceding the advantage. It was a nervous gesture, and no one would take a nervous child seriously. Instead, he placed his hand on the doorknob, waiting for Katara to signal that it was ok to talk. He didn't have to wait long; she nodded, coming around the desk and leaning back against it. The door closed with a quiet click. If he didn't hurry up and say something, he might lose his nerve, and then he'd never hear the end of it.

"Things didn't go so well between us, did they?" Aang asked.

That was an absolutely horrible way to start the conversation, but he'd said it, and now there was no way to take it back. At least Katara smiled though, tension slowly leaving her body as she relaxed against the desk, loosening her grip on her elbows. She even chuckled lightly. When Aang looked away this time, it wasn't because he was afraid he'd lose his nerve; he still felt that little flutter in his heart at her smile, still felt the tips of his fingers tingle when those electric blue eyes looked at him.

"No," she said quietly. "I guess they didn't go well between us at all."

Summoning his courage, Aang smiled back at her, and her whole countenance softened toward him. It was almost like the past months hadn't happened between them. It was impossible for someone to not fall in love with Katara. She was strong and beautiful and smart and compassionate…

"Aang?"

Aang blushed, rubbing the back of his head again before remembering the strict instructions he was given and dropping his hand. He muttered an apology, and Katara frowned, her hands going to her hips in a sure sign that she was about to start lecturing him.

"I haven't been the most understanding person," Aang said, cutting off Katara's rant. "I just…" He shrugged. "I don't know. I thought you and I would always be together. You were the first person that I saw when I came out of the iceberg, and I felt that…"

Aang looked at the ceiling, his brow furrowed. He couldn't quite figure out what he was trying to say. It was like reaching out for the words, seeing them right in front of him, but being unable to catch them and make them known. Katara nodded, but he wondered if she really understood what he was trying to say when he didn't even understand.

"You were right to tell me that Azula needed help," he said instead. "She does. I guess she just needed to realize that, first. You know, that it's ok to ask for help."

Katara was silent, but attentive. Aang kept expecting the silence to be tense or accusatory, but it wasn't. It was weird; the last time he was alone with Katara, he'd been angry and hurt, and he'd felt like stomping around and slamming doors. Maybe having more time to meditate and center himself was working; even though he couldn't clearly articulate everything he wanted to say, at least he was calm and focused.

"I'm sorry, Aang," Katara said. "I was mean to you, and I should have been. It's just…I've seen what Azula was going through, and I wanted you to see it, too. But you wouldn't."

"It's not that I didn't want to, Katara," Aang said, finally moving away from the door. "I just _didn't_see it. Not then, at least. But I see it, now."

Katara nodded. "But you were angry with me before that."

Aang winced, turning slightly away, but then turning to face her again. This was the time to confront her, Azula said. He needed to strike, because if he didn't do it now, he'd forfeit the chance to do it for the rest of his life, and he'd regret it, stewing in his pain and frustration.

"I was. Why couldn't you have said anything? Why couldn't you have just said that you loved Zuko? Did you think that I wouldn't understand?"

"You wouldn't have—"

"You didn't even give me a chance!" Aang paced, hoping to channel the nervous energy. "I...I would have learned. I could have grown to be everything you wanted me to be, Katara. I would have loved you and looked after you before anyone else—"

"You can't, Aang," Katara said, grabbing his arm. "You can't put me in front of everyone else. You're the Avatar."

"And that means I can't love?"

"No, it just means that your duty will always be to the world, before me. But that wasn't my problem. That's not why we broke up."

Aang flopped into a chair, feeling tired and drained. He stretched his feet out in front of him, leaning his head over the back of the chair. It was easier to look at the ceiling than it was to look at her just then. He knew she was still pitying him; he'd seen it briefly in her eyes before he looked away, could hear the pity dripping from her voice. It was the same look she'd given him countless times during their relationship. Toph was right—he really was blind when he wanted to be.

"I know that's not the reason we broke up."

"And remember, you broke up with me a few times, too."

"Yeah, I remember."

"Do you want to know why I finally broke up with you? For good?"

"Because you were ready to truly love Zuko. And because he was ready to love you, too. No matter what price he had to pay."

When Katara didn't answer, he slowly lifted his head. She stood in front of him, stunned, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. Aang couldn't help the smug smile. Once, Sokka said that he continued to act aloof and ditzy because it always caught people off guard when they realized that he was so much more than they were giving him credit for. Now, Aang was beginning to see the benefit.

"You didn't think I'd be a kid forever, did you?"

Katara closed her mouth and shook her head, but she couldn't answer.

"I guess… If I'm being honest…" Aang leaned forward, dropping his head and letting his hands dangle between his knees. "If I'm being honest, I doubted you, too. Your words, I mean, when you denied to everyone else that there was anything happening between you and Zuko."

"You were the only one who never asked me," Katara said, pulling up a chair and slowly sitting down. "You were the only one who never questioned my relationship with Zuko."

"Why should I? What reason did I have to believe that you'd lie to everyone else? Your family. If you told them no, why would you tell me anything different?"

Katara shrugged. "Everyone wanted to hear it for themselves, so I always guessed that you would, too. When you never said anything, I figured that you didn't even have the slightest idea."

Aang bit his cheeks, trying to keep that smug smile in check. "I wasn't completely blind, Katara. I just truly believed there was nothing between you two. Maybe you did hug him a few seconds longer than you hugged anyone else. Maybe you did prefer to go to him with your secrets rather than me." Aang looked up at Katara, his face blank. "Maybe you did kiss him in ways that you never kissed me."

Katara blushed furiously, gasping and covering her mouth as she recoiled as much as her chair would allow.

"You…you saw…"

"No," Aang said, chuckling. "The first time I saw you two kiss was a few days before he proposed."

The red on her cheeks turned from a light blush to a light anger. Katara narrowed her eyes at him, her lips becoming a thin line, and she clenched her fists over her knees. Aang only smiled wider. Her nostrils flared, and he knew if he pushed any harder, she'd go over the line into ranty mother mode, which Azula had warned him against. In fact, she'd plotted out the course their conversation would take, much like she would have plotted out a stealth mission into Ba Sing Se during the war. He might not ever tell her because he didn't want to run the risk of her planning all his conversations, but Aang was glad that he could fall back on her conversation plan.

"The point still stands, though," Aang said. "You never kissed me like you kiss him."

"Did…did you want me to? I tried once, and you asked me never to do that again."

Aang blushed. "Well…I just wasn't ready then."

In truth, that one kiss had probably sown the seed in the back of his mind, the pit of his stomach, or in the corner of his heart that he would never be ready for her. So many emotions and things he didn't understand had flown through his mind the moment her tongue touched his. Sure, he'd seen Suki and Sokka kiss, but he'd always walked away or turned his back after a while, not wanting that image in his mind. Suki had told him how kisses were simply an expression of love, but there were kisses, which he and Katara often shared, and there were _kisses_, which he'd only been vaguely aware of before Katara shoved her tongue in his mouth and pressed her body against his. That had also been the first time he'd thought about her body and his body, and bodies in general, and all at once, it had been too overwhelming, because he'd really started _feeling things_, and no one had prepared him for that.

Now, there was _her_body and his body and a little body they made together, and that was overwhelming, too. Aang had never imagined his life going down such an odd and twisted path, and certainly not one that would lead to him have a heart to heart conversation with the girl he'd always dreamed of being with forever. A conversation that was thoroughly plotted out by the girl he'd accidentally gotten pregnant. And she even made him practice certain parts so he wouldn't "wuss out at the last minute and cave to Katara like he always did."

"I felt the baby move," Aang said, clearing his throat and his mind. He didn't need to ride any further on the weird train than he'd already gone.

"Did you?" Katara asked, her eyes lighting up. "It's wonderful, isn't it?"

"Azula didn't think so."

"Well, I'm sure it takes a little getting used to."

They were quiet again, only this time, the silence was awkward. Was there anything left to say, really?

"She's doing a lot better," Katara offered. "You've helped her."

Aang nodded. "We can still be friends, right?"

"Of course."

Her smile was bigger and brighter than had been directed toward him in a long time. As if that was the cue they'd both been waiting for, they stood, and when Katara held out her arms for a hug, Aang willingly obliged, holding her tightly. She didn't immediately let go, so Aang held on, too. He didn't resist when she finally did pull back, and he didn't even blush when she gave him a peck on the cheek. They'd been through too much to simply throw away their friendship over a failed relationship. Maybe they'd both just needed space and time to settle things in their own minds before they could talk about what happened between them. Even then, they'd been unable to say so much, but it was like none of that needed to be said, in the end.

"We're ok?" Katara asked, as if needing that final confirmation.

"We're ok."

He waved, turning and heading out the door.

"Aang?" Katara called. "You've changed, too, you know."

"I know."

* * *

A/N: A short chapter here, and a little (or maybe a lot) of Azula's influences showing through Aang. I don't think this would address a lot of the awkwardness that could still exist between these two, but it would definitely put them on the path toward healing. I think they had such a strong, co-dependent relationship during such formative years that they'll never be quite rid of it. On Aang's end, I think he'll always wonder "what if," and he will always question what it would have been like if he'd been emotionally ready to meet her on the same level. On Katara's end, I see her view of their relationship being less romantic and more...I don't know, motherly? I see her looking at Aang and thinking about him under Ba Sing Se and the feeling of holding him in her lifeless in her arms. For me, that moment, and her stating numerous times that Aang was their only hope of winning and salvation, is the reason her love for him could never switch to the romantic. He'll always be special to her, and she'll always want to protect him because of what he means, not just to her, but to the world. I also think that, as they get older, she'd have a hard time reconciling the young, fun-loving prankster into the more serious, balanced young man he's becoming in this story. Even though I am Zutarian at heart, I absolutely _love_ this more realistic, more complex relationship between Aang and Katara. I love them for all the reasons I _can't_ see them together.

This was just a short chapter, almost as an aside to the last one, or a companion chapter, even.


	10. What I Wouldn't Give After 23 Weeks

Chapter 10: What I Wouldn't Give After 23 Weeks

Azula slowly opened her eyes, the bright light of the midmorning sun pouring in blindingly through the thin curtains hanging over her window. The air was cooling, and Azula considered getting up to close the window. Instead, she just laid there, letting the wind dry the sweat on her skin.

As far as weird dreams went, that was probably the weirdest and most pointless dream she'd ever had. Riding on a dragon, then going swimming at the beach? There was little and less sense it. Azula looked at her hand. It was weird, though. She could still feel the way the air pressed against her skin when she was riding on the back of some unnamed dragon. Her scalp tingled and her cheeks felt cold and were probably pink. Having all that air around her was exhilarating, like nothing she'd ever felt before. There was a small part of her waking self that wanted to recapture the feeling. Pushing herself out of the bed with a grunt, Azula rationalized that the cool tingling had more to do with the open window than any remnants of a pointless dream. She slammed the window closed with more force than was necessary, and slipped her feet into her shoes, grabbing a light robe on her way out.

The guards all acknowledged her as she passed, dipping their heads or smirking or turning their backs on her. Azula dug her nails into her palms as she passed them, remembering the airbender breathing techniques Aang taught her. This time was supposed to be as stress-free as possible; after Katara nearly scared them both senseless with talk of irregular heartbeats Aang was doing his best to make sure Azula could relax. Not that she cared, of course. She was taking things easy simply because she didn't want to die. And having someone wait on her wasn't exactly the most unpleasant of things.

No one took notice of her as she walked outside the palace gates, and Azula was glad for that. She inhaled the crisp air, feeling the sun reach out to that place deep inside her. The fire chakra, Aang called it. The sun was calling to her fire chakra, and unlike her meditations, this feeling was pleasant and didn't cause the panic. It was familiar, even if she didn't have a name for it back then, and she reveled in that feeling. Azula pulled her robe tighter around her as she walked through the market, not really looking at anything. What she wanted was space to clear her mind and a little exercise, and a long walk would give her that. She moved around the market, listening to the conversations of those around her, storing away bits of information that her brother might find useful. Really, with all the useful tips she gave him, he should be paying her and making her a member of his council, or at least giving her some sort of position or compensation under the table. That ought to give those old coots a heart attack or two.

When Azula stopped in front of a trinket stall, she watched two Earth Kingdom refugees out of the corner of her eye. They'd been following her for the better part of her walk, perhaps thinking themselves stealthy since she hadn't outright confronted them.

"Ah, perhaps I can interest you in something for the baby, my princess," the stall vendor said, pulling Azula's attention away from her stalkers.

"What?"

"Well, as a father myself, I know children need things to occupy their time. Perhaps I can show you a few things that you'd like."

Azula studied the merchant's face, but she couldn't find a hint of mockery in his eyes. But then, it wouldn't do him any good to mock a potential customer. He ducked behind the shelf, rummaging in a few boxes, before returning with a stuffed dragon toy.

"Its design is modeled on the pictures of the old dragons," the vendor explained. "My wife can't make these things fast enough, parents just snatch them up for their children." He laughed nervously. "I don't care what the rumors say, princess, this child is the first under the new regime, and is thus special beyond our imaginations."

"Rumors?" Azula crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, her followers forgotten in the crowd behind her. "And tell me what some of those rumors might be."

"Really, they're not all that important," the vendor said, paling and trying to wave away the conversation. "The important thing is that you and Fire Lord Zuko are truly proving that love will transcend all, and heal the world."

"What?" Azula squealed, recoiling from the merchant.

"Well, of course, princess. I have faith in your brother. Soon, he will make it ok, and you and your boyfriend won't have to hide, and you can get married in public." He leaned a little closer. "We're really just a passionate people at heart. That's where you find the _real_fire."

The merchant winked at her, and it was all too much, and Azula flew away, her fists clenched, furious that anyone could concoct such a stupid, blatantly untrue story about her. This was all Zuko and Katara's fault. If he hadn't gotten the populace all worked up about secret romances, no one would even be contemplating such things about her. Did anyone even believe this crap? They had no idea just how far from the truth that little romance fable of theirs was.

"General Azula."

Azula stopped abruptly, that acidic, mocking tone recalling her two stalkers to mind. She hadn't even paid attention to where she was heading, just storming off somewhere far, far away from that prying merchant. Before, when she was worthy of the title general, Azula wouldn't have thought twice about her surroundings; now, she realized that she was trapped in a less than ideal situation. She'd walked down a narrower side street, houses closing in on both sides. There weren't enough exits close to her; she could run, but only for a brief spurt, and certainly not very quickly. If she could bend, it wouldn't have been an issue, either, though she would probably be off balance the whole time. Still, balance was something she would have been able to compensate for. She'd be limited to defensive maneuvers, which wouldn't do her any good if the two were earthbenders. Her best option was to move toward an open space and more people since they were still behind her, and she did just that, continuing down the narrow street without any pause in her stride.

"Look, Lee, the General's running from us," one said.

By the time Lee grabbed her, she was already at the mouth of the side street, and she used his momentum against him, slamming him hard into the side of a building and drawing the attention of people sitting at a nearby café. Almost as soon as she let go of Lee, though, a sharp pain ripped through her back like a knife, and she screamed, barely dodging a punch by Lee's comrade. That stabbing ripped down her spine, through the bottoms of her feet, making her legs weak, and Azula clutched her stomach with one hand, and braced herself against the fall with the other. She took deep shuddering breaths, not knowing what was wrong as her vision swam and her head throbbed with that pain, and wondering just how anything could hurt so much. She'd never felt any pain so strong.

"Back off!"

A gust of air flew past her, cooling her heated skin, and Azula tried to focus on the words around her rather than what was going on with her body. She bit her tongue to keep from wailing again and squeezed her eyes close, determined not to let a single tear fall. There was scuffling behind her, and Azula thought back to those airbender breathing techniques, and concentrated on the sun and her fire chakra, slowly drawing her mind away from the physical, and slipping into a light meditative state.

"You are hereby under arrest for assaulting a member of the royal family."

Someone was trying to lift her, but that only aggravated the pain in her back, and she screamed.

"Let her go, you're hurting her!" Aang yelled.

In his haste to obey the Avatar, the guard practically dropped her, but another ball of air cushioned her long enough for Aang to hook his arm around her waist and support her. The moment he did, she put as much of her weight on him as possible, holding onto him tightly, and that helped to lessen the pain in her back. As they turned to head back to the capitol, Azula glared at the guard who dropped her, and the man withered under her gaze. That cowering was almost enough to overcome the infraction. Almost. But not really.

* * *

"Here sweetheart," Ursa said, handing a cup to Azula. "It'll help with the pain."

Aang watched Azula wince as she stretched her arms out to accept the cup. Without hesitation, Ursa moved closer so her daughter didn't have to stretch as much. Aang briefly paused in his pacing, but only long enough to make sure that Azula wouldn't need him. She only winced once when twisting to hand the cup back to Ursa, but again, her mother was there, moving to accommodate her child.

"That guy was twice your size," Katara muttered, picking up her bowl of water and turning towards the bathroom. "You're lucky that all you did was pull a muscle. No arguments—this time I'm putting you on strict bed rest for the next three days."

Azula waved this away, and Ursa helped her slide down under the covers as the medicine began to take effect.

"What did you expect me to do?" Azula asked, her words already a little slurred. "Let them rough me up?"

Katara shrugged, starting to say something and stopping several times. There really wasn't a good answer to that. None of them wanted to see Azula hurt, but it wasn't like she had many weapons in her arsenal. And, of course, with the baby, balance was always going to be an issue. Aang sighed loudly, and Ursa looked over her shoulder at him, but she didn't make any move toward him, her eyes just as piercing as they'd always been. He wondered if she was seeing the thoughts as they formed in his mind. Did she already know what he was thinking? She sure acted like it. He was pretty sure she couldn't read minds, though, but then she'd done it before. It must be genetic, since Azula could do the same thing.

"Stop pacing," Azula commanded.

Aang sat in a chair by the door, crossing his arms and impatiently tapping his foot. Then a horrific thought struck him.

"Where's Zuko?"

Katara nearly dropped the bowl, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. She shook her head slowly, her horror mounting. "Oh no…"

"Zuko's a very rational young man," Ursa said. "I'm sure he wouldn't do anything too drastic."

Azula let out a short bark of laughter. "Clearly you don't know little Zuzu as well as you think, mother."

Half a second later, Katara was nearly tripping over herself in her rush to get out of the door, tearing down the hall. For once, Aang couldn't really care what happened to those jerks. They'd gone out, seeking a fight with a pregnant woman. Or whatever they'd been intending to do before Azula roughed one of them up. He wouldn't say it in front of either Katara or Ursa, but Aang was proud of Azula. He was glad that she didn't just roll over and let them do…whatever it was they'd intended to do. He tried to keep his mind from going too far down that road.

"I'm going to help Katara," Ursa said, smiling slyly.

She closed the door quietly behind her, and Aang waited a few seconds before coming to sit on the bed behind Azula.

"Is the tea helping?"

"Very much."

Aang nodded, even though she couldn't see it, and heated his hands as he rubbed circles on her lower back. He traced the path of the muscle from her shoulder to her waist, slow, repeated motions. It was the path Katara allowed her water to take, and he'd seen the glow concentrating on her lower back, and so he concentrated his heat there, too.

"Tomorrow, you will begin teaching me combat bending," Azula said through a yawn.

"Wait, what? When did we decide that."

"I decided it just now, and this topic isn't up for discussion."

"You haven't even made it through a full meditation yet."

Azula looked at him with half closed eyes, rolling on her back and cutting off his massage.

"I've made up my mind."

It was quite clear that Azula was under the influence of some powerful drugs. She almost had a soft look in her golden eyes, and Aang imagined that she reached up toward him. Then he realized that he wasn't imagining things when she patted his cheek twice.

"Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you for being there when I needed you."

Aang fought against the blush, but when she smirked at him, he knew he failed. He'd never known Azula to show such sincerity and softness. It was so unlike her. It was so...womanly.

"You're welcome," he said, smiling. "But you know that no one should treat you like that, right?"

"Which is why you're going to help me with my bending."

"Azula," Aang gulped, glad that her back was to him again. "Azula, would you consider marrying me?"

"No," she said flatly.

"It's the right thing to do—"

"No."

"I could protect you—"

"No."

"Azula—"

"No."

"Oh come on," Aang said throwing up his hands. "You didn't even let me say anything that time."

"What were you going to say?"

"That I know it's probably not the way you imagined your life, and you probably thought that you'd marry for love, but at least you'll be taken care of. We're having a child together, Azula. It's what we're supposed to do."

"No. And I'm not drugged enough to forget this conversation, so I suggest you stop before you say something really embarrassing."

She raised her head slightly, and maybe it was the drug Ursa had given her, but Azula didn't look even the slightest bit angry. Aang took that as a hopeful sign. She might come around later. If she was his wife, he'd be able to keep her and the child safe; no one would think about harming the Avatar's wife. Maybe it would be better to approach the subject when she was well rested and in less pain. Reluctantly, Aang caved under Azula's stare, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

"I trust you will be ready in the morning?" Azula asked. "You will have an organized list of warm ups and exercises we will go through?"

Aang let his shoulders slump. "I'll come up with something. But I still don't think this is a good idea."

"Duly noted. Duly discarded."

* * *

Iroh sipped his tea, savoring the flavor as he swished it around his mouth before swallowing.

"What are you thinking?" Jun demanded.

"Ah, you know me so well, my dear."

Iroh took his time drinking his tea, knowing that it was only making Jun angrier the longer it took to answer. He'd seen her watching him as he observed the development of Aang and Azula's relationship. No doubt she already knew what was on his mind. There was no harm in making her wait a little longer for confirmation.

"Children are a wonderful thing."

"No," Jun said, poking him in the chest. "You will not get ideas."

"Ah, but the ideas were already there." He took her hand in his and kissed her palm, a gesture that always made her blush. "Destiny is a funny thing. How can we say today where the road may take us tomorrow?"


	11. Only 14 Weeks Left

Chapter 11: Only 14 Weeks Left

"You're doing fantastic!" Aang said as he passed the flame to Azula.

She caught the flame, drawing it to her with one hand, then pushing it back with the other. The flame came toward Aang faster than he was expecting, and he took a few steps back, slowing its pace as he went.

"Of course I am," Azula said, speeding up the flame again. "I'm a prodigy."

This time, when Azula sent the flame to him, it was with a decidedly evil smirk, and she practically threw it. Aang held up his hand, disintegrating it rather than returning it to her. She stood, triumphant, with her hands on her hips, and Aang couldn't help smiling. When she set her mind to something, she made sure it got done. Despite telling him to come up with a practice routine for her, she'd shown up at their first meeting with her own agenda. He did succeed, with Katara's help, in convincing Azula to wait until her back was healed, but she completely took charge and vetoed everything he suggested when the did begin to practice. Aang had been mad until he realized that Azula was in her element; she was in control and loving it, and he couldn't find it in his heart to deny her this.

"Should we do our cool down, now?" he asked.

Azula nonchalantly shrugged, and they moved into mirrored stances. Aang lead the exercise, taking deep breaths, holding them, and slowly exhaling. He focused on the movement of the wind around him, and it was honestly the best he'd felt in months. He was surrounded by the peaceful push of his element, and he let his mind wander as his body went instinctively through a series of airbending steps. He opened his eyes and saw that Azula was mimicking him almost perfectly, though she kept trying to put too much power into every move.

"Careful, or you'll lose your balance," Aang said, coming to stand behind her.

He adjusted her stance, twisting her shoulders and pulling her arms closer to her body.

"Three seconds," Azula warned.

Aang backed off, holding his hands up. "Sorry."

So Azula still got fussy about being touched. It's not like he didn't already know that. "It should take the pressure off your back, though."

"My back is fine," Azula said, rolling her eyes.

While he'd been close to her, though, Aang had felt her muscles twitching and straining to support her. It was most evident in the way she trembled as she moved through the slower routine; airbending was passive in nature, and putting too much power in it disrupted the solid stance. When he shifted her body, the awkward weight distribution was solved, and she was no longer shaking. She was solid, firmly planted, and there was no danger of her tipping over. Whatever her words, he would know the truth. Azula hated to show weakness, or that she wasn't as strong as people thought she was. Maybe she'd eventually confide in him the way he'd confided in her. Even if she did claim the only reason she was listening was because she needed his help to get off the couch.

"I knew I would find you here," Iroh said, walking into the garden as the two came to a stop. "I hope I'm not interrupting your morning routine."

"No, we were just finishing," Aang said.

Aang reached over to their food basket, and deposited a sticky bun into Azula's waiting hand.

"Niece—"

"It's not for me, it's for the baby," Azula said, shoving half the thing in her mouth.

Iroh was about to argue the point, but Aang only held up his hand. It was no use arguing with Azula about her sticky buns. She loved those things just as much as Zuko loved his custard, and would eat them at every meal if Aang hadn't made that deal with her. Four sticky buns a day; when she ate them was up to her.

"Yes, well, I've got good news!" Iroh said, as he nodded toward the palace and started walking. "Toph should be coming back today."

Aang stopped, falling behind Iroh and Azula. While Azula was sounding excited about the impending arrival of her best friend, Aang wasn't so sure he liked the sound of that. He groaned, dropping his head into his hands and wishing the world could end, just for a little. Toph had no idea what was going on between him and Azula. She didn't know about the revenge sex, and she didn't know that Azula was pregnant. There was really only one way Aang envisioned this going, and that was not very well at all.

"Uh, are you sure?" Aang asked, hurrying to catch up as they moved into the palace proper. "Maybe she's going to stay a little longer—"

"Don't be an idiot," Azula said, looking at him over her shoulder with a sly smile. "Toph will find out sooner or later. You'd better just suck it up and take your beating now rather than later."

"What about you?"

"Toph is always on my side," Azula said, laughing.

Aang slowed as he watched Azula. She'd been laughing more often lately, and it was never an odd, forced laugh, or an evil you're-about-to-die laugh. It was always light and pleasant. Azula might attribute this lighter mood to hormones, but Aang thought—hoped—that it was something a little more. He hoped that maybe it was because she was happy. Despite everything that happened, he really did want her to be happy.

"What time does Toph's ship get in?" Azula asked, returning her attention to her uncle.

"Sometime in early afternoon."

"Good. I'll have time for a bath and a nap before then."

Azula split from them, heading to her room to take one of her too hot baths. She gave a brief wave as she turned the corner, and Iroh laughed, placing his hand heavily on Aang's shoulder.

"She is a remarkable girl, isn't she?"

"I don't know what you mean," Aang stammered, pulling away.

"Only that she has changed more in the past twenty-six weeks than she has in the past five years."

"But that's something she did on her own."

Iroh folded his hands inside his sleeves, and turned to face Aang. Aang decided he most definitely did not like the way Iroh was looking at him. His smile was slightly smug, slightly knowing, as if he'd foreseen this end long before anyone else. As if he'd expected everything to turn out this way.

"And what of your own changes?" he asked.

"What changes?"

Iroh gave a mock sigh, his shoulders drooping comically. "Well, I suppose we can hardly expect a river to know its own course."

* * *

"Your problem is that these scrolls are too old," Azula said, dropping her feet into Aang's lap as she reclined on a mountain of pillows. "They were written before the war, and have been made thoroughly irrelevant by everything that's come afterward. Even Zuzu doesn't read them."

"Yeah, but I thought there might still be something Kuei could use."

"The Fire Nation's political structure was very different before Sozin's reign," Azula said, waving away Aang's point. "For one, the Fire Sages played a much larger role in society. You can only use these as a teaching tool if you know what you're doing."

Aang rolled his eyes, momentarily halting in massaging Azula's feet. "Sorry I'm not some political genius."

"I don't suppose I can hold that against you," she said. "We'll just have to work overtime to fix that before you go back to Ba Sing Se."

"If you were my wife—"

"Have you written to them lately? It's irresponsible not to check up on a city that's on the verge of civil war."

Azula fixed Aang with a pointed look. She was sure she'd never know what made Aang think that getting married was a good idea. He could ask until he had no breath left, but she'd still say no. If he kept it up, though, she just might send him to Zuko, who was sure to laugh in his face. Whether that would actually stop him or make him push harder, though, she didn't know. Azula retracted her feet, stretching her legs out under the table as she thumbed through another book before pushing it at Aang.

"This is what you need to be giving Kuei. And just shoving a book at him and telling him to memorize isn't going to help, either. What you need is—"

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" Toph screeched, slamming her hand into the wall with a loud bang that made Aang fall out of his chair. "I leave for a few months and…what the… What _happened_…?"

When words failed, Toph just pointed, her finger shaking. Azula waited for her best friend to say something else, but she didn't, and it was really just a comical thing. Azula tried, but she couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her, making her shoulders shake. She covered her mouth to stifle the sound, but it didn't do any good. Toph already knew.

"Oh, go ahead, laugh," Toph said, heading out of the library. "Once I get my mind in order, I'm demanding an explanation!"

* * *

It was with no small amount of reluctance that Aang went down to dinner that evening. With Toph back, he knew there would only be one topic of conversation, and he wasn't sure just how he felt about being the center of attention when it came to that. He wasn't disappointed, either. When he entered the dining room, he took his seat next to Azula, and tried to avoid looking at Toph, who was sitting to Zuko's left. Azula was completely unfazed by Toph's hard stare. No matter how hard he tried to ignore her, she just stared at him the whole dinner.

"Have you started thinking of names for the little one?" Iroh asked, turning toward Aang and Azula.

"We don't even know the gender, yet," Azula said, pouring herself another cup of tea. "It's going to be pretty hard to pick names. I suppose we could always pull names from the family—"

"How about not, unless you're going to go pretty far back," Zuko said hurriedly. "You can't toss bad luck on the kid before it's even born."

Azula thought, a piece of sesame chicken halfway to her mouth. In the end, she nodded, conceding the point. "Fair enough. But it's got to be a good Fire Nation name."

"Of course," Zuko said. "But not Lee."

"Of course not." Azula smirked. "There are a million Lees in the Fire Nation."

"What are you hoping for? A boy or a girl?" Zuko asked.

"I'm hoping it gets out of me, that's what I'm hoping."

"Come on, Azula, you can't just call the kid…kid." Zuko shrugged.

"Maybe—"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Jun yelled, slamming her hands down on the table, her face slightly red. "Is there no other topic of conversation that you people could _possibly_come up with?"

"Yeah, maybe we should talk about something else for a change," Aang said.

While he wasn't opposed to baby talk in general, and he knew that certain things did need to be decided, he wasn't too keen about having that conversation with Toph boring into his skull. He pushed the food around on his plate with his chopsticks, not looking at anyone. He also didn't like that Zuko and Azula were dominating the conversation, like he didn't have a say in things. Maybe he didn't want a Fire Nation name. Maybe he wanted an Air Nomad name.

"There, there," Iroh said, patting Jun's hand. "There's nothing wrong with a little baby talk."

The look Jun shot him made everyone in the room wither. Aang swallowed past the lump in his throat, even as Iroh forced a smile, and Jun's look darkened. The two were having some old conversation without words, and for the moment, Aang forgot all about Toph and her death glare. Finally, Iroh caved, holding up his hands.

"Maybe we could talk about something else," Iroh said. "I'm sure Aang and Azula have a handle on things."

"No," Toph interjected, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. "Just because you don't want ideas planted in his head is no reason to rain on anyone else's parade, lady."

"By all means, go ahead and ignore me, kid," Jun growled. "Just remember, it's going to come back to haunt you."

"I'll take my chances."

Toph returned her blind, penetrating stare to Aang, and he shriveled again, wishing someone would say something in his defense. He looked between Katara and Ursa; usually they played mediator when things got out of hand. Neither of them, however, were looking like they might want to end the conflict anytime soon.

"Like hell you will—"

"So," Toph said. "Think of any names, yet?"

Aang loosened the collar of his shirt. "Look, Toph, I know I probably should have written you and told you—"

"Oh, we're way past that. I just asked if you—"

"Hey. Back off," Jun said, emphasizing the words. "He doesn't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Whether they want to talk about it or not is irrelevant," Ursa finally said, her eyes fixed on Jun. "It's something they need to discuss, and I see no harm in bringing up the subject. Zuko's right. They can't call the baby, 'kid' or 'child.' He or she will need a name, and the nursery needs to be decorated appropriately, too. Babies are a lot of preparation."

"Oh really?"

"Whatever issues you and Iroh have, I'm sure you can work out on your own without projecting them onto Aang and Azula."

Aang's hands went clammy, and he vigorously rubbed them on his pants. Dinner sat on the table, forgotten, and Aang had the distinct impression that this conversation had less to do with him and Azula than he thought. He studied Ursa, even though he knew he would be able to glean nothing from her outward appearance. She'd always hid her true emotions well, her voice soft and level, and her face serene. Even now, she picked up her teacup with perfect poise and a steady hand. He was pretty sure the truth of her emotion rested in her eyes, much like it did with Azula, who was sitting back and finishing her meal with apparent indifference.

"Well," Zuko said into the silence, "I've got some work I need to do before it gets too late, so I'll see the rest of you later."

"Coward," Azula muttered as her brother passed her.

"I pick my battles."

The door closed behind Zuko with a soft click, and Aang slid down in his chair, hoping that he could escape unnoticed. Ursa's sharp eyes flicked to him.

"Please sit up in your chair, Aang."

Jun draped an arm over the back of her chair. "You think I'm projecting my problems onto them?" She raised an eyebrow in Ursa's direction. "I'd say you might be overcompensating."

"For what?"

The air in the room had become tense the moment Jun slammed her hands on the table. Aang knew something was incredibly wrong when Iroh paled, and Azula perked up. Toph was no longer smirking, her face serious, and her feet planted on the ground. Even Katara seemed to come alive; Aang noticed the subtle way her fingers moved, and the tea in his cup began to ripple.

Ursa didn't repeat her question, and Jun just sat, smiling. For a long while, the two women regarded each other, and Aang wasn't really sure just what happened to make everything go downhill. There was really no reason for emotions to be running so high; well, at least not for everyone else to be so emotionally charged. If it was Azula, he could understand, but she hadn't seemed to be tightly wound at all since they started their bending practice. Aang risked taking his eyes off the warring women to look at Azula. One hand was resting on her stomach, but her eyes were bright and alert. They were moving almost constantly, observing, taking in the situation. He'd seen that same look in her when they fought under Ba Sing Se during the war, but now there was no maliciousness. She wasn't in a bending stance, not ready to shoot him down with a bolt of lightning. She looked first at Jun, probably having assessed her to be the bigger threat; Ursa wasn't a fighter, and Aang knew that Jun kept daggers on her person at all times. He'd seen her remove them at the instruction of the palace guards before entering the throne room to speak with Zuko.

Jun's smile grew—wider and more malicious. "One of you has to make up for Ozai's shortcomings."

Several people moved at once, and Aang didn't think he would ever be able to say without any doubts who moved and who didn't. The only thing he could say for sure was that Azula gave a sharp yelp of surprise, ripping her hand away from her stomach, and pushing back from the table. The moment she stood, she started to fall, and Aang was there, and arm around her waist, as she grabbed her head. When he looked up, everyone was crowding around them, Katara at the front, her hand gloved in water.

It was Ursa who spoke first, though.

"Are you alright?" she asked, reaching for Azula's hand and checking her pulse.

"I'm fine," Azula said, shaking loose of her mother's grip and pushing Aang back. "The baby moved, and it surprised me, and then I stood up too fast and got a little dizzy."

"Your heart's beating pretty fast," Toph said, frowning. "Oh wait, never mind. I guess one's the baby's heartbeat. That's so weird."

Toph smiled a little half smile that reminded Aang very much of Zuko, and she slowly put her hand out. Azula huffed, but let Toph put her hand on her stomach, and Toph smiled a little wider before laughing.

"Ok," she said. "I can see why that startled you. That's so weird."

"I don't think it's weird at all," Aang said, as Katara guided Azula to a chair.

"Of course not, Twinks."

When Toph smiled at him, it was such a soft, sweet smile, that it startled him. It didn't last long, but in those brief seconds, Aang saw something completely different in Toph. She was right. He had been a fool.

* * *

Toph! Of course this story couldn't exist without Toph! She and Azula are so alike personality wise that it's hard for me to see them not being friends. Wether she admits it or not, I can see Azula looking to Toph as an example of how to retain her personality, but still function while being "reformed." They've got the same kind of blunt honesty and complete confidence in their strength, except that Toph's brand of personality has been accepted, but hers rejected. I think being so close to Azula for so long and the distance with which he can examine her would make Aang rethink a lot of his relationship with Toph. I would have _loved_ for Toph to end up with Aang, because I think she could do the same thing for him that Azula is doing in a very roundabout way. I just don't ever see that happening because he missed his chance while he was still pining away for Katara. Now that he's growing and gaining some clarity, he's able to see all the things in Toph that he missed, and there's going to be some regret, there. Also, I couldn't resist a little Ursa/Jun fighting. Jun's just in a general bad mood because of Iroh and baby talk, and Ursa is the natural target. Everyone suspects/knows that something went on between Ursa and Iroh. Ultimately, the lesson we need to take away from this chapter is that Zuko picks his battles, and he knows that he doesn't want to be anywhere near Ursa and Jun when shit goes down.


	12. 33 Weeks, And I'm Losing My Mind

Chapter 12: It's Been 33 Weeks, And I'm Losing My Mind

Azula reclined on the bench in the garden, slowly moving her hand along the very prominent curve of her stomach. She felt most at peace when she was in the garden, the sun shining on her through the trees and a cooling breeze flowing through her hair. She enjoyed the pre-autumn breezes almost as much as she enjoyed the sun. In the garden, she didn't even mind it so much when the baby moved. Sometimes she even poked back.

"You're a restless little thing, aren't you?" Azula said, looking at her stomach. "I swear to you, if you shoot out of me and start bouncing off the walls…"

The baby kicked against her hand, as if it was accepting the challenge Azula issued. Frowning, Azula pressed against her stomach, imagining that she could impress her will on the child and keep it from swimming around so much. When that didn't work, she sighed and leaned back on her arms. She'd been warned in abundance that children don't always listen, and it was a shame for things to start so soon. She would have to correct this behavior as soon as possible. Which, she hoped, would be sooner rather than later. This time paradox was beyond perplexing; on the one hand, it didn't seem like it was so long ago that she was calling the baby a malignant parasite and cutting her hands on broken glass. But it already felt like she'd been pregnant forever. She was just ready for this whole ordeal to be over. She was ready to have full control of her body again.

"I've been looking for you," Zuko said, as he approached.

"Good morning to you, too, Zuzu."

Zuko sat down beside her, but didn't immediately say anything. She'd grown to appreciate his silences; it was something he'd started back when he would visit her in the asylum. It took the pressure off any conversation. She'd always been expected to talk—about her feelings, her lack of feelings, by nurses, doctors, other visitors. People were always wanting her to say something. With Zuko, she never felt that she had to say something when he was around. There was one visit where they just sat in her room and didn't say anything the whole time. She'd begun to appreciate that courtesy as the years wore on.

When they were younger, silence was something Zuko would never be ok with. He was always doing something, following someone, training, or getting into trouble with custards in the kitchen. Azula remembered watching him and just wishing he would sit down and be still. In contrast, she'd always been still, watching the world around her, judging and weighing her options. She could argue that things turned out better for her, but, well….they didn't.

"Aang's spent the morning in the nursery," Zuko finally said, adjusting his topknot.

Azula snorted. She could tell he'd done his own hair that morning. He'd never been able to get the topknot just in the center of his head, and it was far too loose. Frowning, Azula smoothed his hair back. Her frown deepened when she saw just how loose it was.

"Did he follow my directions?" Azula asked, slapping Zuko's hand away when he tried to stop her from removing the ribbon from his hair.

"Well…somewhat. He's using mom's suggestion of blending red and yellow." Zuko gave in and sighed as Azula stood behind him and redid his hair. "Accents in gold and orange. It looks really nice."

Azula waved this away. "It's the least he can do. So long as it's not hideous, I don't care."

"Come on, you don't mean that."

Azula shrugged, satisfied with her work, and returned to her perch next to her brother. He was looking at her, waiting for her to say something, but Azula didn't have anything else to say. She just didn't want the room to be hideous, especially if people were expecting her to spend a lot of time there. Zuko bumped his shoulder into hers, clearly not satisfied with her answer. When she didn't react, he did it again, and finally Azula bumped him back. When he started laughing, she couldn't help laughing, either. Stupid hormones.

"I give it five days before you have the kid drinking tea," Azula said.

"Oh come on—"

"Deny it all you want, Zuzu. It's like an infectious disease. Next thing you know, you'll be folding your hands into your sleeves and speaking in confusing proverbs. You're already snotty about your tea."

Zuko sighed. "So, I'm picky about my tea. And maybe I said something that might have sounded like Uncle during a council meeting. But it was only once, despite what Katara says."

"Just go ahead and grow the beard."

"Katara won't let me."

"You've got to be kidding," Azula said, snorting.

"It's fine. I don't really want a beard anyway."

"Thank Agni for small miracles."

* * *

Aang took a deep breath as he folded the last of the clothes and sat them in the open drawer. He massaged the cramps in his arms as he looked at the stacks of clothing. Everything was so…tiny. Tiny hats, tiny shirts, tiny pants, tiny shoes. He pushed the drawer closed and leaned his head against the armoire. Everything was where it should be. Plush red and yellow towels in a chest in the bathroom along with spare diapers, orange shirts in silk with red trim were in the chest of drawers, and a few heavy robes of fine linen and blankets of koalasheep fur for travel to cooler climes were on tiny hangers in the armoire. Not to mention toys, bottles, and diapers in convenient places all throughout the nursery. Lots of diapers. Tons of diapers. Iroh assured him that babies not only could, but would, poop that much. He'd placed the stuffed dragon, Appa, and Momo toys into the crib. All three were gifts from a rather odd merchant in the market district. He'd winked conspiratorially at Azula when Aang had gone shopping with her. She'd refused to elaborate on what that wink meant.

Three bookshelves had been moved into the nursery, too, and each shelf was fully stocked. Aang had picked out the books himself, based on that list he'd made of all the things a baby would need, things Iroh and Ursa told him, and tidbits he'd snatched from the palace staff. The books covered every subject. There were medical books, books written by bossy know-it-alls, child care experts, and even parents of famous children. The books were about discipline and potty training, how to deal with fussy babies who won't go to sleep, the birthing process, and detailed accounts of baby's first months. Not to mention, there was an abundance of bedtime stories from all three nations. The air nomad stories, he carried in his head and his heart, and he hoped those would be the baby's favorites.

Aang was most proud of the crib, though. It was the one thing he and Azula picked out together, and he rested his back against the armoire as he looked at it. Azula tried to play the whole thing nonchalantly, prodding each crib, listening for creaks, fingering the fabric. She'd yawned disinterestedly as owners droned on and on about the virtues of one crib over another, and the symbolic importance of yew over oak. Aang knew better. The questions she asked weren't trivial; she was far less concerned about the spiritual implications of the object than their physical implications. Above all, they wanted something sturdy, and they got it, not to mention at a fantastic price. The crib was a dark wood to match the trim in the room, with a canopy over the top. The canopy was done in strips of red and yellow silk, and they had the mattress in red, and the fringe in yellow.

For two people who were reluctant to be parents, and even more reluctant to be parents together, they'd put an awful lot of care and thought into that nursery.

The sunlight was strong, and thinking about all the care that went into that nursery made Aang realize just how real this was. He'd held the tiny clothes and looked through the books. He'd felt the baby move. Standing in that room, surrounded by things in miniature, he couldn't breathe. The world was just too heavy. He gripped the edges of the armoire, hating that his arms were shaking and that his palms were sweating. He wasn't ready. He couldn't do this.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Aang?"

Aang bit down on his tongue, hoping that if he stayed silent, Katara would go away. She didn't. She knocked again. With another deep breath, Aang pushed himself away from the armoire and stood straight, rubbing his hands on his pants. He closed his eyes and did his best to seal away all the insecurity and anxiety, just for a little longer.

"Come in," he said, with as much strength as he could manage.

When she did, Katara had the biggest smile on her face. She kept her hands clasped under her chin as she looked around. With apprehension, Aang watched her make a complete circuit of the room. Like he was waiting for her approval, which was stupid, because it didn't really matter what she thought. It wasn't her baby. Still, he wanted her to say it looked nice. Katara stopped by the crib and sighed, running her hands over the smooth wood before picking up the knitted blanket. It was a soft golden fleece with the fire symbol and the air symbol, and little dragons and sky bisons. Ursa had made it, then presented it to him and Azula on the morning they first began decorating. Katara held it up to her cheek, and there was such a soft, beautiful, loving look on her face, and Aang's heart twisted all over again.

He would probably harbor this love and regret for her for a long time to come. He'd tried to pretend that he'd transferred most of his affection to Azula, and he'd almost had himself convinced. In the end, he supposed, it was for the better. Katara sat the blanket down and picked up a stuffed dragon. She chuckled to herself before hugging it to her chest, swaying slightly as she did so, humming softly to herself. That pang hit Aang again. He wasn't ready to give her what she wanted.

"Do you think she'll like it?" he asked.

Katara started, like she hadn't registered his presence after she'd walked in.

"Who?"

"Azula." Aang shrugged. "She gave a lot of instructions, and I didn't follow most of them."

Katara smiled. "I'm sure she'll love it."

"Katara, I…" Aang hesitated, taking a slight step forward before stopping. "I…I don't know what I'm doing. What if I'm a horrible father? What if Azula does reject the baby, and I just…"

He rubbed his face vigorously, groaning. When Katara got near him, he could smell her moon peach blossom perfume. She hugged him, and Aang clung to her, hoping that he didn't start shaking again. She didn't need to know he was that scared.

"You'll make a great father," she said. "That you're even worried about it proves that you will be."

She held him at arm's length, and Aang smiled a little. He'd been practicing diapers in secret, and felt fairly confident with it. Though a sack of rice wouldn't move like a baby. And it was probably bigger than a baby, too.

"And it's not like we're going to just leave the two of you. You'll have help. I'll be delivering the baby."

Aang felt his stomach drop. In all his nervousness about taking care of the baby, he forgot possibly the biggest hurdle. Katara must have seen the blood drain from his face, because she smiled wider.

"Don't worry," she said, patting his cheek. "She'll be fine."

Aang had severe doubts about whether he and Katara were thinking of the same person.

* * *

"I'm giving you two weeks," Azula said, prodding her stomach. "Katara says you will be full term by then, and will have finished all necessary development."

Azula waited with her hand on her stomach, expecting that customary movement. When she didn't get a response, she warmed her hand and moved it in slow circles. She found that the baby was more responsive when she did that. True to form, the baby moved, and Azula settled against her pillows. She stretched her feet out in front of her, wiggling her toes and enjoying the feel of the grass between them, and she folded her hands over her stomach and closed her eyes.

"Remember," she said. "Two weeks."

"Aww, are you talking to the baby?"

Azula started at her mother's voice, her eyes wide and her cheeks red. She gripped the armrests of her chair, as Ursa neared, two glasses in hand. She was smiling like she'd just been given a present, and Azula narrowed her eyes.

"I used to talk to you and your brother," Ursa said before Azula could manage anything. She sat a glass on the bench next to her, and handed the other to her daughter. "I talked the most to Zuko, I think. He was just so active, always moving and shifting. You were much more restive. You calmed when I talked to you, or if I rubbed my stomach."

Ursa waited with her hand poised above Azula's stomach. With a dismissive wave, Azula allowed her mother to touch her, to feel the baby move. Ursa was clearly reliving her own memories, fond ones, given the way she was smiling.

"I hope it's a girl," Ursa whispered. "This family needs more women."

"Mixed blessings—"

"Life is a mixed blessing, daughter."

"Now you're sounding like uncle."

Ursa smiled slowly, sweetly at first, but when she winked, there was a hint of that steel Azula had first glimpsed the day Ursa found out she was pregnant. The conviction hit her strongly, like a good punch that dislocates the jaw: she didn't want her child to have to fight, not the way that she did. Life would be hard enough; this baby would be surrounded by some of the world's most powerful people. This baby would be the child of the Avatar and a firebending prodigy, hailed as one of the greatest benders the Fire Nation had ever seen. Life would not be easy, and there would be no end of the people seeking to make that life just a little harder each day, but if it was the last thing she did, Azula would make sure life for this baby—her baby—wasn't harsh and tragic the way hers had been.

"What are you thinking, daughter?" Ursa tilted her head to the side, her golden eyes searching Azula's face.

"That Ty Lee's going to be here soon," Azula said, pushing herself up from the garden chair. She stretched her muscles, massaging out a bit of tension. "And I don't want to be late for my next meditation with Aang."

The strength of that conviction had caught Azula off guard. She'd never considered herself a protective person. She'd replayed events and scenarios from her childhood over in her mind enough to know that there was an infinite number of things she'd want to fix, though. Maybe that was where this desire had come from. The desire to set things right, to at least undo some of the damage her family had done through the years.

She paused at the entrance to the castle and looked over her shoulder. Ursa was calmly drinking her chilled tea, but as she stirred the liquid, Azula couldn't help but think of all the things Ursa had done as well. When she was young, it was easy for Azula to distance herself from her mother. Now, she could confidently say it was because she hadn't known the truth of her mother's past and the role she'd played in the war, particularly in making sure Ozai was Fire Lord. Ursa was not the saint Zuko wanted her to be, and perhaps it was tragic that Zuko himself would never realize it. Azula smirked.

No, she was not simply Ozai's child. She was a product of both of her parents. And what did that say for her own child?

* * *

The carriage ride to meet Ty Lee was long, but it gave Aang time to think. He scratched his chin, feeling the beginnings of stubble there, as he turned over Grand Secretariat Ai's letter in his hands. She was requesting that he return immediately to Ba Sing Se because the Citizen's Coalition wanted to begin restructuring the council immediately. They wanted to discuss the selection process, and even had a list of candidates ready.

Beside him, Azula was resting with her eyes closed, but as if she sensed something, she opened one eye and looked at him. Sighing and shaking his head, Aang deposited the letter into Azula's open hand.

"Thoughts?" Azula said when she'd finished reading. She folded the letter, then slipped it into a pocket on his shirt.

Aang thought about all the books and scrolls he'd read while trying to find things to help Kuei. Azula taught him that it wasn't enough to just read what people believed could work in similar situations. He had to think about it, to apply it to what was actually happening. He needed to manipulate that knowledge so it would work in his favor, not merely follow those old words as if they were instructions.

He glanced at Azula to see if she had any hints, but her eyes were closed again, her hands folded on her stomach.

"I... It's good that they're willing to move forward with something they've agreed on," Aang said, unsteadily.

"Are you sure? I don't know that I believe you. You're probably just parroting something you found in a book."

"That's because I _did_find it in a book. You know that, Azula." Aang crossed his arms.

"The point is, _they_don't need to know that. It doesn't matter where you find your answers. You've got to deliver them with confidence and authority. Force them to take you seriously, and make sure they know there will be consequences."

Azula brought her hand down with a swift, final chopping motion. What felt like years ago, she'd said that none of them were truly prepared to govern the world. At the time, Aang had felt slighted, but the more she drilled him, the more he realized it was true. Of all of them, Azula was the only one who'd been prepped to run a nation, but that had been by Ozai, and that nation had been one that would have been controlled by a corrupt Fire Lord. Or Pheonix Lord. Whatever nonsense Ozai had wanted to call himself. He was up against people who'd studied politics with the best bureaucrats and political minds for years.

"It's good that they're willing to move forward," Aang said, rubbing his eyes. "But... Well, I guess there's no reason not to start redoing the council."

"Restructuring," Azula corrected.

"Whatever."

Aang smiled as he looked out of the carriage, feeling calm and pleased with himself. In his mind, he was making progress with Ba Sing Se, though the true test would be to stand in front of both groups and tell them what was going to happen. Not to lay the options out on the table in front of them, but to _tell_them. To take control of the room and make things happen. Azula had certainly been putting him through his paces recently. As they went through their bending exercises, she drilled him on things like political reform, current trade negotiations, popularity among the people, things he had no idea that she'd known. Just as acting aloof had worked for Sokka, and to a smaller extent him, letting people think you were insane had worked to Azula's advantage. People spoke openly in front of her, without thought or care about what she might hear.

"We're almost there," Aang announced.

"Thank Agni. I don't know how much more of this I could take."

"We could walk the rest of the way."

Azula paused, golden eyes looking out at the busy docks, swarming with people and containers and carts before nodding. Aang rapped on the panel, signaling for the driver to stop. When the carriage pulled over to the side of the street, Aang got out first and held his hand out to help Azula down. She accepted without protest or mocking, and he found that he wasn't even shocked by this. There was such a sense of normalcy between them after all the fighting and the struggling they'd been through in the early weeks.

He walked slightly behind Azula as she walked the rest of the way toward the dock where Ty Lee's ship would be getting in. People were looking at her, of course, but she didn't seem to mind. There was a different quality to the way she ignored them this time, one that didn't seem so forced. For his part, Aang still closely kept his eyes and ears open, unable to stop himself from listening to what they were saying. Those things were no less hurtful or rude or filled with rumors that sometimes hit too close to the truth, but somehow, they seemed to matter less.

As they neared Ty Lee's ship, Azula began walking faster, and before either of them had the chance to register that bright pink ball bouncing toward them, Ty Lee had her arms around Azula's neck, and the girls were laughing together, and there was a jumble of words Aang could barely understand. He stood back and let the two have their moment.

"Oh, great Agni!" Ty Lee said, her hands covering her mouth. "You're so big already! I can't believe it, Azula."

"Well, Katara says I could have the baby any day now."

Aang shuffled, scratched the back of his head as the girls chatted happily. Azula looked so happy, so different. Next to Ty Lee who'd always been peppy and happy, she seemed so…normal. And there was no denying that both girls were more than girls. Aang gulped. They were women. Ty Lee twirled a strand of hair around her finger as she talked, one hand on a hip that was stuck out to one side, before turning slightly. Her grey eyes flicked on Aang, and her smile widened. He gave her a nervous little wave, and she bounded over to him.

"Oh my gosh, Aang, you've changed so much," she said, squeezing him to her. All of her.

For the first time, Aang cursed the monks.

* * *

A/N: I couldn't resist a bit at the end there where Aangs has his "puberty moment," and he finally, in a real, physical way, notices the difference between girls and women. Suddenly, there's a _lot_ he wishes the monks had told him. In other news, I really, _really_ wanted Aang to grow up and to become confident and comfortable with himself, and now I'm finally getting the chance to do that. There's a shit ton of changing that needed to happen to get Aang from the end of Avatar to the glimpses we saw of him in Korra, and even though my stories are in no way canon-compliant (heh, as if you couldn't tell), that's still the direction I wanted to take my Aang. My odd brain just has a weird way of getting there.

This is something that a few people have brought up in the comments: at this point, I do believe that there would be some strong rumors going around that Aang is the father of Azula's baby, given that he's taking her to do all the shopping, asking all the questions, and the like. There would of course be some people who'd explain this away by saying that Aang is just helping in her recovery, but let's face it, when they bought the crib together, I'm sure that more than tipped some people off. Still, there's a difference between knowing and _knowing_. At the moment, it's still just speculation, but at some point, I promise you, there's going to be some confirmation ;)


	13. Sooner Than You Think

Chapter 13: Sooner Than You Think

When Azula woke up in the middle of the night, she had only one thought—this is it.

There was no more counting the weeks, no more saying that they had a while before the baby would be born. _This was it_. At her last checkup, Katara had explained that they baby could arrive at any moment. It left her feeling anxious and unsure. There were still so many things she wasn't sure about, too many variables to be entirely comfortable with this situation.

"Azula? Are you ok? Are you having the baby?"

Cursing, Azula lay back down. "I'm fine, Ty Lee. Just…restless. No baby tonight."

"Oh, good," Ty Lee said, sleepily.

There was a small smile on her friend's face, and Azula couldn't help smiling, too. Ty Lee had always had an infectious quality about her. Truth be told, at thirty-eight weeks, Azula would take just about anything to keep her mind off the next big event.

"Now that we've established that there's no baby tonight," Toph said, "who's in favor of shutting our pie holes and getting back to sleep."

"Really, Toph," Ty Lee said, lifting herself up on her elbow.

Yes, Azula thought as she rolled her eyes, she was having a sleepover. Given she was so close to her due date, Azula hadn't really wanted to be alone all night, just in case something happened. Perhaps the more logical choice would be having Katara with her, since she would actually know what to do in an emergency. But it would be awkward having Katara there with her. Azula wrinkled her nose. Awkward would be an understatement.

"Listen Pinks, she's going to need her rest."

Ty Lee giggled. "I'm just so excited. I can't wait until the baby gets here."

"Well, I can," Azula said, propping herself up on her pillows.

"I thought you were eager to be done with this?" Ty Lee asked, starting to braid Azula's hair.

"You know what comes next, right?" Toph asked Ty Lee with a sly smile. "Twenty hours of horrible labor."

Azula shuddered. Sometimes Toph could be a bitch. But that inevitability was only days away.

* * *

Aang sighed and affixed his seal to the letter he was sending to Ba Sing Se.

"Are you sure you're ok with me leaving in a few weeks?" He asked Azula.

"You need to get back there and fix things," she said, wincing and rubbing her stomach.

"Another one?"

Aang leaned over and squeezed Azula's hand, staying silent and trying to be supportive while she suffered through these little contractions. She'd been having them even more lately, though Katara said they were probably only false contractions, her body preparing for labor since she still had some weeks to go. So far, Azula had done an amazing job of staying strong and weathering them. But this was only practice. None of them really knew how the real thing would be.

"Remember your breathing," Aang reminded her.

Nodding, Azula took in long, deep breaths, wincing a little more. Aang was keeping count in his head, timing the contractions. She would have said screamed bloody murder if her water had broken.

"It's a good thing Ty Lee's ship wasn't delayed…" Aang said a little alarmed. "I'm…I'm just going to get Katara."

* * *

Who knew "any day now" meant immediately?

Everyone was gathered outside the designated birthing room, and Azula stood watching them with her hands on her hips.

"I'm glad you're all enjoying yourselves," she said.

A table had been set up, and the servants had laid out a spread with tea and snacks, and there were many comfortable chairs and books and games to keep people entertained. For her, though, there would be no sort of entertainment. Only pain and pushing and childbirth. Hell, even Aang was with them, smiling apologetically with a pai sho tile in his hand.

"It's going to be a long wait, dearest niece," Iroh said.

"Your uncle is right," Ursa said, coming down the hallway with a few nurses and armfuls of medical supplies. "You'll certainly be here for hours."

Groaning, Azula rolled her eyes and went back into the birthing room.

* * *

Aang yawned. Zuko was the only one to stray far from the birthing room, even though it had been eight hours since he first called Katara. There wasn't much to report, and the boredom was starting to set in. Azula had been in and out, going on small walks to help jumpstart labor, but every time Katara came out to tell them something, it was always "not much to report." He was starting to think they wouldn't have a baby so soon after all.

"I thought you'd be a little more excited," Toph said, leaning next to him on the windowsill.

"Right now, I'm mostly just nervous."

Nearly everyone else had dozed off at one point or another, but Aang couldn't keep still. He'd gone in and chatted with Azula, taken her for a walk down the hallway, played a game of pai sho against himself, written another letter to Ba Sing Se and had it mailed, made some plans for reform.

"I'm sure Azula's going to be fine," Toph said, waving away his concern. "She's tough like me."

Toph had her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail with a green ribbon. It was curled slightly, but he suspected she didn't know that. It looked nice on her. She looked nice. Aang wondered if it was too late to apologize, and suspected that it was. Spending so much time with Azula was making him see the past differently. She just had this way of imposing a strict logic on the world, and it was hard not to pick up on that and try it out for himself. In some ways, it did make things better. It was how he'd truly and finally come to terms with the situation. He knew that Azula was going to have his baby, and that he immediately needed to step in and be supportive. All thoughts of everything political needed to be furthest from his mind. Azula would need him. But it also made him realize things about himself that he'd never wanted to see. Like how he'd been unfair to Toph.

"Neither one of you are as tough as you want everyone to believe," Aang said, sighing, already feeling drained.

Toph snorted, and Aang went off to pace again.

* * *

Her contractions were getting closer together, but the quicker they came and the longer they lasted, the more anxious she was getting.

"You're doing great," Ursa said.

Azula clung tighter to Zuko's middle, not even caring that her eyes were tearing up or that she was shaking. Zuko's heated hands were moving along her back, but she could barely feel them. Someone was reminding her to breathe, but all she could think about was the pain. It felt like someone had just taken an axe to her back. Not just any axe, but a dull axe.

When the spasm passed, Zuko helped her lie back, and Katara draped a cool cloth over her face.

"How long has it been?" Azula asked weekly.

"About fourteen hours." Zuko tried to smile for her. It might not have really been a smile, but it was wholly sympathetic. "Can she get something for the pain, yet?"

"Not yet," Katara answered. "We'll give her something not long before she's ready to push. It's too early now. Ok, time to check you out."

Mostly Azula was too tired to be bothered by anything anymore. She'd slept a little, drank a little, but mostly just walked and laid around waiting for something to happen, and yet hoping that it didn't. She felt completely unprepared for everything that was happening to her. Even her years of strict training were absolutely useless. She'd always thought that she'd pushed herself to the limit, but this…

"You're progressing nicely," Katara pronounced, reaching for a towel. "It shouldn't be much longer."

"You said that four hours ago," Azula ground out, wearily dropping her head back against the pillow.

"I'm sorry," Katara said softly, sitting on the bed next to her. "I wish I could make this faster for you but I can't."

"I know," Azula whispered. "I know."

* * *

The setting sun was absolutely beautiful, and the cool air was just what Aang needed to center himself. Feeling slightly better, he began to close the window.

"No, don't," Azula said, pushing herself up on her elbows. "It feels nice."

The room was bustling with nurses and aids, people moving things around. Katara had gone out with Ursa to see about some herbs, and they would be back soon. Zuko had another meeting, but Aang figured he wasn't really paying attention to what was being said. The others had finally agreed that they didn't need to lurk just outside the room, especially as Azula got moodier the longer labor took.

"Do you want more ice?"

Azula nodded, and Aang fed her the ice chips Katara left by the bed.

"How much longer do you think it'll be?" Azula asked.

"I don't know why you're asking me."

"You're the one who's got all the books. You were so fond of telling me all about the baby before."

"I don't even remember what the books said right now, Azula. I'm too nervous."

"How do you think I feel?"

She looked at him with one golden eye, and fear settled in the pit of his stomach. Azula just looked so very tired. Her hair was all mussed, and her eyes were lightly rimmed with red. He knew she hadn't had much sleep since he first called Katara. This whole labor thing had caught her completely off guard. She didn't even realize her water had broken. Katara said it could have happened when she was in the bath, but that really didn't matter because it broke, and she was in labor, no matter when it had happened.

The door opened, and Katara and Ursa stepped inside.

"Can I talk to you, Katara?" Aang asked, bolting upright as soon as they crossed the threshold.

"Sure." Katara handed the herbs to Ursa and followed Aang out into the hallway. "What's wrong?"

"Is she going to be strong enough to push? It's been about eighteen hours. I'm just…worried."

Katara smiled at him softly, and that soft look did a lot to help ease his fears.

"She'll be fine. Ursa and I are going to make her something to help her sleep, but mostly it's just her nerves putting a lot of stress on her. You don't look so good yourself. You should try and get some rest."

Aang shook his head. "You're out of your mind if you think I could sleep right now."

* * *

Azula's sleep was restless at best, but at least it was sleep. When she woke, she did feel more relaxed and more refreshed, but she also felt more in pain. She tossed from side to side, moaning and whimpering, hoping to relieve that deep ache in her lower back. No matter which way she turned, it only deepened. Even when she lay perfectly still, that pain wouldn't go away. It was a slightly different pain from the contractions, and she didn't even care that a sharp sob escaped.

"Honey?" Ursa was at her side in an instant, ice chips ready. "What'd do you need?"

Ursa was smiling. _Smiling_. That was too much, and all the pain and the frustration of waiting for twenty-three hours for something to happen finally welled up and boiled over. Azula just couldn't take it anymore. She wanted the baby out of her and she wanted it out _now_.

* * *

The scream could have woken the dead. Aang had finally managed to get to sleep, but at that scream, he was on his feet, staff in hands, expecting some sort of bloodbath. Instead, all he saw were panicked nurses running in and out of the birthing room.

"Oh my…" Iroh muttered as he and Jun watched the chaos.

There was loud clattering coming from inside the room, and that ungodly screaming. Something heavy fell over, followed by a jumble of voices. All Aang could do was stare at the door, his mouth wide open.

"Give it to me! I will cut this baby out myself!"

"Princess, no!"

There was more clattering, and some shouting, and another scream. Aang looked at their family, and all wore similar expressions. The door opened, and two nurses came out, holding a third between them, blood streaming down the poor woman's arm as she sobbed uncontrollably.

"What the _hell_ is going on in there?" Zuko whispered.

"You're more than welcome to go find out," Toph answered, taking several steps away from the door.

Aang wasn't quite sure how to feel about any of this. Nothing he'd read about labor mentioned this. This…this was just extreme. He gulped.

"It's fine!" Katara yelled over the noise. "Get on the bed and start pushing, I'll be right back."

"I will set this palace on _fire_ and roast each and every one of you alive."

Just then, Katara stuck her head out of the door. Her hair was half undone, and she looked like she'd been lost in the jungles of the Fire Nation for four days, but she was smiling.

"She's ready to push—"

"Get out of my face!" Azula yelled at someone, and there was another loud crash.

"It shouldn't be too much longer."

"You couldn't give her something for the pain before all this?" Zuko asked.

Katara flapped her hand at that. "This is just your sister being angry that it's been twenty hours and she's only just now getting to push. And now it's too late to give her something for the pain."

* * *

Once they finally let her push, it was almost as if she was done before she started. Vaguely, she heard Aang beside her encouraging her and dabbing her forehead with an icy cold cloth. She grunted and she ground her teeth, pushing down with everything in her, flitting between apprehension and excitement.

She took one last breath and there was screaming and her mother was crying and Katara was cheering. Her muscles went slack, and she fell back against the pillows. She wondered what happened to Aang. He'd been right beside her the whole time. As Katara laid the screaming baby on her chest, Azula found him. She couldn't help it. She just laughed and laughed, and when Katara saw it, she couldn't help but laugh, too, and then Ursa was laughing as she knelt down to right Aang.

"It's a girl," Katara said, still chuckling as Ursa got some herbs and began to revive Aang.

* * *

A/N: I can't believe the baby's being born already. Seriously. I felt like this was farther away. Oh well. Anywhoo, we're not quite done with this story because some things that need doing.


	14. For the First Time

Chapter 14: For the First Time

Azula held her daughter, examined the tiny hands and the tiny fingers. Her little baby wiggled and cooed, and tiny golden eyes looked up at her for a few seconds before they closed again and her little girl yawned.

That was the moment it all became real for her. Hunching over her daughter, Azula cried deep, shaking sobs. It wasn't a sad cry or an angry cry. It wasn't an "I've lost control of my emotions cry." She couldn't figure out what the reigning emotion was, other than that it was overwhelming, and she needed to let it out, and there was no way she could stop it if she wanted.

Two strong arms held her, pulled her close, and she rested her head on the offered shoulder.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Aang asked.

Azula only nodded, and Aang stroked their daughter's hair as Azula wept, and finally she handed the child to Aang, for a moment too overwhelmed by everything to do much more than lay down and cry. She turned her back on Aang, feeling like she was already walking away from the situation. Earlier, she'd told him that, once the baby was born, he could have it—her—and she didn't care what happened to either one of them. So much had happened to them both since then, but Azula wanted desperately to believe that the hard part was over.

The baby began to cry, and when Aang got up from the bed, she pulled the blankets over her head and buried herself, attempting to hide from it all.

"Azula, I think she's hungry."

Azula shoved a wad of blanket in her mouth and pretended like she didn't hear.

* * *

"Here you go," Aang said, struggling to hold the baby still as she drank greedily from the bottle. "I guess you were really hungry, huh?"

Aang smiled when she peeped at him, her eyes opening momentarily. Everything about her was so very tiny. Even the clothes they had for her seemed large compared to the tiny body they were supposed to fit. He just hoped someone would come along and help him out before he had to put the clothes on her.

As the baby suckled, Aang leaned his head back against the windowsill. He'd taken her to the nursery after Azula refused to feed her or acknowledge either one of them. He'd taken it hard, even though Katara had prepared him for Azula rejecting the baby. Things had been going so well, though. She'd held the baby and cuddled her and even did the first feeding and helped with the first diaper changing. But then, without warning in the middle of the night, she'd just decided she didn't want anymore.

Truthfully, it made him angry. It was one thing if she just out and out couldn't deal with any of this. But this acceptance followed by rejection felt deliberate. As if she tried it out, decided she didn't like it, then wanted nothing more to do with him or the baby. He couldn't do it on his own, certainly not if he was expected back in Ba Sing Se in a few weeks. He'd still need help, and lots of it.

"I thought I'd find you here," Ursa whispered as she opened the door to the nursery.

Aang was too tired to say much of anything, so he only shrugged and looked out at the city. It was beautiful at night, but every time his daughter made the slightest sound, he couldn't help looking at her again. He'd forgotten that Ursa was even there until he heard her sigh softly. When he looked up, she was holding a tiny dress.

"What do you say we get some clothes on her?" she asked.

Aang nodded. "But she needs to be burped, first."

Maybe he was just overly tired, but everything had a surreal quality to it. Maybe it was the soft light coming from the stars and the moon outside. When Ursa came towarde him, he reluctantly handed over his baby, awkward in his attempt to support as much of her as possible while still letting her go. When Ursa smiled at him, he mumbled something about protecting her and not wanting to drop her.

She said nothing more, except to answer his questions, as she helped him burp and dress his daughter for bed. It wasn't until after they'd tucked the baby away in her crib that he realized that Ursa never even asked her name. He wasn't even sure that he and Azula had come to a decision yet. In his mind, though, he'd always thought of her as his heart, Xin.

* * *

The sun was harsh, and Azula could see it even through the curtains and with her eyes closed. She groaned and rolled over, her entire bottom half aching. She felt dazed, like she did back at the asylum when they forced the drugs down her throat.

It was the sharp, piercing cry that cut through the fog of sleep and half remembered dreams. She knew why she ached so much. She'd just give birth. To a baby. A real baby. Aang's baby. And there he was, sitting in a chair across the room, huge bags under his eyes and gently bouncing the baby.

"You're awake."

Azula nodded.

"Do you want to hold her?"

She shrugged. Right, she had a daughter. Girls bonded with their mothers. They would expect her to teach the little girl everything she needed to know about being a girl. She was so very tiny, squirming there in Aang's arms, swathed in a golden blanket. She let out another piercing screech that made Azula's ears hurt, and she cringed.

"She's hungry. Do you want to feed her?"

"Water."

"You'll have to hold her, then. I can't do both."

There was something about Aang's voice, some undertone, or maybe it was in his eyes, that said this was not an option. She would hold this baby, and he would get her water. Azula studied him, and Aang met her gaze, all the while doing his best to soothe the baby. When she tried to push herself back against the pillows, her arms were much weaker than she'd expected. Had birth taken that much out of her?

When he was closer, Azula could practically read the sleep deprivation on Aang's face. One eye was closed more than the other, but his arms and his voice were steady as he instructed her on how to hold the baby and support her little non-existent neck. When the baby was securely in her arms, Aang grabbed the cup from her bedside table and went to get the promised water. A tiny fist beat against her breast, and this, too, caused its own sort of pain. Both Katara and Ursa had instructed her on breast feeding, and the other aches and pains that would come along with milk-glands. In her mind, Azula told this child of hers that she'd do it one more time, just once more, and then she was done, but tiny golden eyes looked at her again. This little baby of hers had a hard stare. She would need to break her of that.

Would she break this child as she'd been broken?

The tears started again, but Azula didn't push the feeding child away, even if it was uncomfortable, because she remembered her promise. She'd told herself that this was a chance to undo all the things that had been done to her. She had a real chance to purge herself of Ozai and Azulon, to prove to herself that she was no longer the monster they created. She'd been beaten and molded until she was what they wanted. Now she had a chance for what she wanted, and this…this little thing in her arms was it.

"I'll call Katara, so she can give you a checkup," Aang said, but he didn't go anywhere. He sat on the bed beside her, his arm around her shoulder, not pulling, not pushing. Just sitting.

* * *

By the third day, Aang noticed, Azula was much better. She did everything with an air of reluctance, but she did it. She fed and changed diapers, helped bathe, and clothe. If their daughter cried during the night, sometimes Azula was the one to get up, but she did it grudgingly, and only if Aang pretended to be asleep. All this he could deal with, and deal he did, because it wasn't like there was any other choice.

"You guys are good to move to the nursery today," Katara said as she put her healing water back in the bowl. "Have you decided on a name yet?"

Aang was leaning against the window, watching Azula struggling to hold the baby for her exam. He'd resigned himself to accepting that she would just forever be awkward with holding something so small. Azula grunted in frustration, mumbling something about wishing she had more hands. Katara glanced at him before stepping forward to help, but Aang shook his head. Azula was a hands-on learner and hated to be coddled. He could only hope that she was the same in this. Maybe the more time she spent with the baby, the more comfortable she would be with holding her. Azula struggled for a little longer, but finally settled, the baby nestled in the crook of her arm.

"Sonam," Azula said. "Her name is Sonam."

Azula chose an Air Nomad name. Katara was asking something, and Azula was answering, but he could really hear what they were saying. Azula had chosen an Air Nomad name, and more than that, it was one that he'd put on a list and folded inside one of the baby books. He didn't even think Azula had been reading those. The books were all in the nursery, and she rarely left the birthing room, and certainly hadn't had any books brought to her. Aang watched as Azula wiped the baby's face, half listening to Katara give instructions about consistent feeding and sleeping schedules and making sure Sonam was burped after every feeding.

After Katara finally left, saying she'll arrange to have their things moved to the nursery, Aang slowly came to sit next to Azula.

"What made you choose Sonam?"

"Technically, you chose it," she said, shrugging.

"Yeah, but you're the one who told Katara. We never really talked about it, so…I wasn't sure."

"It's a good name."

Aang nodded, not sure what else to say, not wanting to push it.

"Now let's go," Azula said. "I'm tired of this room."

* * *

A/N: So, there you have it! Baby's got a name, now, and there's a cute moment of Aang and Sonam just after she's born. Hopefully, by now, you guys are beginning to see the slight changes in Aang. Since he didn't have as far to go (compared to Azula), I've always seen his changes being subtle.


	15. Back to Life

Chapter 15: Back to Life

Azula rocked in the chair, glad that Sonam was finally sleeping, but not willing to put her down for fear that she might wake again. She watched Aang as he scribbled out a letter to Ba Sing Se, letting them know that he'd be returning soon. When he was done writing, he sat staring at a map on the wall. She knew what he was going to ask her. He would want her to come with him to Ba Sing Se, to bring Sonam, to help him take care of her. Aang had barely left the baby's side for the past two and a half weeks, so it would only be expected for him to want Sonam with him for a long stay in Ba Sing Se.

Stretching, Aang stood and walked over to her, slowly sitting on the footstool facing her and the baby.

"You want me to go to Ba Sing Se with you," Azula said.

Aang gave a brief chuckle. "Yeah," he rubbed his neck. "I guess I shouldn't still be surprised you can figure these things out."

"It's not that hard."

"For you, no." Aang sighed and rubbed his face. "I don't want to be away from Sonam for that long. I mean, I don't know how long they'll need me to be there. And… and I still need your help. I still don't really know what I'm doing."

If she went back with him, it would be the first time she set foot in Ba Sing Se since the occupation. Since _her_ occupation of the great Walled City. How likely would they be to forget that she was the one leading the Fire Nation's victory march? How likely would they be to accept her?

"Are you sure having me there won't be more of a problem?"

"I've thought about that."

He always had the best intentions, but often his intentions came without plans, Azula knew. He would want to protect her, and he would undoubtedly do his best. There would be far too many times when he wouldn't be around her, though. He would attend meetings, and she wouldn't be allowed near them. Earth Kingdom guards would surround her, follow her every step. The citizens would watch her with wary eyes, and no one would believe that she'd been reformed.

"They'd question your motives in bringing me along," Azula said, heading toward the crib. "It could very well jeopardize any negotiations. If you'd bring the Lightning Princess into Ba Sing Se, request a lavish suite for her, how could either side trust you? For all they know, I could be spying for that evil Fire Lord."

"They don't trust Zuko, but believe me, they don't think he's evil. Certainly not after Ozai."

"That's not the point," Azula said, her hands immediately flying to her hips. "They won't trust you with me there. If you come back with more attitude and confidence, they'll say it's because of something I did."

"And they wouldn't be wrong."

Azula blushed, turning quickly to hide it, pretending to watch Sonam sleep.

"The point is, I'd be more trouble than I'm worth."

"Whether you like to hear it or not, Azula, you are the mother of my child, and right now, the two of you are the most precious things in the world to me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

She didn't doubt his sincerity or his desire to keep both her and Sonam safe. In fact, it wasn't Aang at all that she was doubting. Sonam was so tiny, lying there in her crib, black hair all ruffled, a tiny red bow in her hair. Her little fists were balled, and her little pink tongue was sticking out. She looked so helpless.

"You are only one person," Azula said, slowly turning to face Aang. "Avatar or no, there is only so much that you can do to protect us. There's only so much I can do, and I will assure you that if someone so much as comes near this baby in a threatening way, I will not hesitate to cause them as much harm as humanly possible. They will _wish_ they were still dealing with Ozai's daughter."

* * *

Nervously, Aang watched Zuko's face as he read the letter Aang was going to send to Ba Sing Se. He was slowly forming a plan to get Azula and Sonam there with as little trouble as possible, but he was nearly convinced that Zuko wouldn't think about this rationally.

"Are you sure this is something you want to do?" Zuko asked, his eyebrow raised. "And just so you know, I am absolutely, completely against this plan."

Aang shrugged. "You have to let her go—"

"Finish that. I dare you. You're asking me to let her walk unprotected into a nest of ratvipers—"

"She won't be unprotected. Didn't you read the part about the honor guard?"

"—And no matter what you call them, a group of Fire Nation soldiers accompanying the Fire Nation princess, currently next in line to the throne, with _your child_, which, by the way, is a clear line of succession… They won't receive this well."

"That's a given," Aang said, leaning back in his chair. "I'm just looking to minimize the degree of bad, here. As far as succession goes, Azula's not really in the line, is she?"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, and Aang started to worry that he was making a fool of himself. So far, he'd followed Azula's teachings; he was being calm and rational, had prepared his talking points ahead of time, and even practiced a bit. He knew what he wanted, and even considered how much he'd be willing to give up and still achieve his goal. He'd been talking with Zuko for over an hour, and it wasn't much different from trying to convince a turtleduck to become a platypus bear.

"Succession is a tricky thing," Zuko finally said, "but they'll understand it perfectly well in Ba Sing Se. According to law, if I were to die right now, Azula would be crowned the new Fire Lord. Or Lady. Whatever. This is, of course, ignoring the huge civil war that would break out." Zuko sat back and fixed Aang with a hard stare, his whole demeanor becoming darker. "Ozai set a precedent when he named Azula Fire Lord, and himself Phoenix Lord. If I was dead, there would be a faction who'd push for Azula to be on the throne. They would see her as weak, and they would try to manipulate her in ways she's never been manipulated before."

Aang watched as a deep sadness passed over his friend's face. They'd had their struggles through the secret romance with Katara, her and Zuko's "surprise" engagement, then him getting Azula pregnant, but Aang had never stopped believing that they were friends. When Zuko looked at him again, he knew the promise that he would make without having to be asked. He would protect Azula and Sonam with his life, and chances were extremely high that it would come to that. He just wished that Azula was there so she could see the pure love in her brother's eyes.

"Since the two of you have Sonam," Zuko continued, "you'd likely be muscled into a marriage, and made her ruling spouse. Soman would be crowned as princess and Azula's heir. If Azula sits on the throne…there will be war again, and this one will be deadlier and bloodier. This throne will kill her."

The two sat in silence, and Aang watched as Zuko shifted under the weight of the royal mantle. Azula told him that it wasn't enough to just watch someone, but to see them, to read their body language, and their sighs, to read the emotion behind their words and use it to his advantage. It sounded too much like manipulating people, but he'd been assured that others were constantly doing it to him.

"So, if I show up with Azula, Sonam, and even just four household guards, they'll question whether or not the Fire Nation is making another bid for power."

"Possibly. Azula's right though," Zuko said. "No matter what you do, showing up with the both of them will distract from restructuring Ba Sing Se's council. Sure, it might get them to band together, but it'll be band together to stand against the Fire Nation."

This was the time to bring out his trump card. Aang squared himself away in his chair, scooting a little closer and knowing that he was on unsteady ground.

"What if she gave up her claim to the throne?"

* * *

The packing was done quickly and by other people, but Azula supervised every moment of it. She even gave instructions on how to put the clothes in the boxes. It didn't help to relieve her anxiety.

"Are you sure you must be leaving, my niece?"

Azula nodded, though she knew Iroh was too focused on playing with Sonam to see her gesture. He snuggled and cooed over the baby, and she grunted and burbled at him.

"Maybe little Sonam is too young to travel. She's only four weeks old, you know."

"I'm sure she'll miss you, too, Uncle."

She'd certainly miss them all, not that she'd actually say it. She was sure they knew it, though. They'd been a big help to her, but now they were telling her it was time to do things on her own.

"Are you sure you don't want Ursa to come with you?" Iroh asked as the staff finished the packing.

"Maybe later," she mumbled.

Taking Sonam from Iroh, she walked out of the nursery, and headed to the palace courtyard where Aang was waiting with Appa. People were talking to her or at her or around her, but she barely heard them. She felt oddly empty inside, as if something had been forcibly carved out of her.

"They're loading the last of the things onto the airship," Aang said when she approached him. "We should be ready to leave within the hour. Are you ready?"

"It's not a question of being ready."

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not, dum dum. It's a question—"

"It's a question of being ready. It's possible to not be ready, but to do something anyway. Are you riding with me, or in the airship?"

Aang spoke truly. Within the hour, they were in the air, Azula and Sonam sitting Appa's saddle.


	16. Reigning in Ba Sing Se

Chapter 16: Reigning in Ba Sing Se

_She may give up her claim,_ Zuko had said, _but make no mistake, she can never truly divorce herself from this throne. If I die, they will come for her whether she wants it or not_.

Ba Sing Se was in sight, and Azula and Sonam were soundly asleep behind him in the saddle, tucked away under blankets to shield them from the autumn air. They'd started Azula's training regimen again—morning meditations, moving through forms without bending, and finally a little bending—and Azula was excelling, possibly spurred on by a desire to protect Sonam. She didn't even complain about many of the forms being passive or reactionary like airbending rather than firebending's aggressive style. Appa groaned as they drew nearer to the walled city, and Aang drowned out his mind and his heart with the voices of the monks.

What would they tell him? Would they congratulate him on accepting responsibility and finding the path through all of this? Or would they scold him for the obstacles he had created? When the first glimpse of the wall rose out of the desert, no more than a faint grayish circle in a tableau of tan, Aang knew with a certain amount of dread that he had indeed created more problems than he started with. His return to Ba Sing Se would not be so welcome, and he was partially jeopardizing his mission. It would be a matter of pride. He was asking Ba Sing Se to play willing host to the person who put them in this terrible position, as far as they were concerned. Azula would be the scapegoat, and why not? What would she do, deny that she was the only one in the city's history to bring it down? Nothing would be on track so long as their focus was on Azula. If there was a way to divert their attention, however…

A short blast from the Fire Nation airship carrying their things and the escort pulled Aang away from his meditation. They'd travelled much farther than he'd thought. Perhaps he hadn't meditated for so long that he'd lost track of time. It felt good. He likely wouldn't get to do it again. Aang coaxed Appa into giving three grunts in reply, a signal that they would land.

It was too late to make any other decision. His letters had been sent. His stance taken.

* * *

They were greeted with swords and spears and a company of armored guards mounted on ostrich horses. Azula watched them all from beneath and between the blankets on Appa's saddle, Sonam cradled beneath her. She identified them immediately, sizing them up and knowing who would be the biggest obstacles. There was Ai with her severe look, her lips perpetually pursed. She hadn't known Azula before, but would seek to put distance between the two of them because of the way Long Feng had been manipulated. Generals How and Sung would have the most hate for her, and it would be political and personal. She'd delivered them directly to the Dai Li, and they'd be imprisoned, and likely tortured before being left to rot in the bowels of a Fire Nation occupied Ba Sing Se.

And of course, dear King Kuei. She'd heard tales of his travels after the war, how he'd stayed away from his duty long after the fighting stopped. He'd struggled with his rule ever since returning, never able to fully gain the trust of his citizens, hence the whole Citizen's Coalition situation. He didn't look as ill prepared as Aang made him sound. He certainly looked older, his back straighter. He looked like a king, but Azula could still see signs of discomfort and apprehension. His stupid bear was at his side, and while Kuei wore his crown comfortably, he kept his hand on his bear as if the animal was a sword. He shifted his weight too often, and his eyes darted to Ai and How. No matter how old he would get, Kuei would always be a puppet. She would have to make sure Aang knew this, and that Kuei had new puppet masters.

When Aang stepped forward and bowed to them, greeting them one by one and making apologies, Azula slowly sat up. Hands tensed on spears and muscles tightened as the blankets slipped away to fully reveal her and Sonam. Two pairs of golden eyes watched the Earth Kingdom assemblage, and when Aang turned, he blew them a gentle gust of wind to cushion their descent.

"So it is true," Ai spat. "You brought _her_ with you. We had hoped you would come to your senses and see that this is pointless and insulting."

"I made you aware of the circumstances long before we got here," Aang said, coolly, his hand loosely holding his staff. "I would not leave my daughter for so long, and I would not separate her from her mother."

With deliberately slow steps, Azula moved forward, her eyes never ceasing to move. She didn't hold back a smile as Sonam wiggled and yawned and snuggled in for sleep. A master stroke in this game of verbal Pai Sho. Publicly, in front of the Council of Five, King Kuei, his army, various minor lords, ladies and a host of servants, Aang had acknowledged that Sonam was his daughter, and she the mother of his child. To move against her would be to move against the Avatar. Deep breaths as Aang had taught her. Eyes alert as Ozai had taught her. Mind unclouded as Uncle had taught her. Wit sharp, and blade sharper as Zuko had taught her. Heart guarded as her mother had taught her.

"Will _she_ be attending the feast, Avatar Aang?"

"She has a name and a tongue, and may be addressed herself," Azula said.

The airship was landing behind them, and the Fire Nation guards were drawing up behind her.

"I hope you don't mind if I brought a few of my own household," Azula said, shifting Sonam in her arms. "Given our history, I would not ask Ba Sing Se to be responsible for providing me with servants and gurards."

Ai was seething when Kuei finally stepped forward. "Lady Ai, whether we like it or not, Princess Azula is here as Avatar Aang's guest," Kuei spat. "However grudgingly we do it, we will show Princess Azula and the Fire Nation that, despite their best efforts, the spirits of my people remain strong and unbroken."

Kuei turned away with a flourish, and his armored guards parted to let him pass. With one final disdainful harrumph, Ai was close behind him, and Generals How and Sung close behind her. The others slowly started to pour back inside the palace until only Aang, Azula, Sonam, their retainers and a few old palace servants remained.

"They didn't even say how cute she was," Aang muttered.

Azula didn't hold back her laugh, even if it did wake Sonam.

* * *

They were settled in a suite of rooms in the back of the castle that hadn't been used in ages. The dust was thick and the paint on the walls was peeling. It smelled strongly of must and old blankets, so Aang and the Fire Nation staff they brought had to do some cleaning to make the room fit for Sonam. It was a good thing they'd brought her crib and blankets, too. No such things were given to them. It had taken nearly half the day, but the room was finally ready, and by then it was time to prepare for the feast.

Aang watched as Sonam kicked her legs and blew spit bubbles. He tickled her stomach and she burped.

"I've picked out an outfit for you," he said as Azula came out of the bathroom.

"I didn't know you took an interest in such things."

Aang shrugged. "Actually…it's something Zuko told me to do. Since you've given up your claim to the throne, he said you have to show them that you're not a princess anymore. Since we're making the announcement at the feast…"

Aang shook his foot nervously as he watched Azula wearily approach the clothes hanging against the armoire. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until his lungs started to burn. Azula was eyeing the clothing, her nose wrinkling more the longer she looked at them. He hoped that she wouldn't refuse to wear them.

"No crown, fine. But _orange_? And _yellow_?"

"Come on, it's not that bad. Sonam and I will be wearing the same thing."

"We'll look like a family."

"We _are_ a family."

When she turned around, her face was stern and angry, but Aang had learned not to read the emotion on her face, but what was in her eyes. She was not really angry with him. A little put off maybe, but certainly far from angry.

"What else did Zuko say I had to do?"

Aang shrugged. "You can't be my teacher anymore. Not when we're here. Not even in the Fire Nation. Of course, you can still stay in the palace, and you'll always have his protection and mine because you are family."

"What else?"

"You'll never have a symbol of office, and probably shouldn't limit yourself only to Fire Nation clothing. You're a free citizen, now, and you can never be called on to represent…Zuko."

Her shoulders were slumping, and when she looked down, her damp hair fell forward, covering her face. She stood perfectly still, and Aang waited. It was probably hard to hear this. One thing they'd never talked about was what Azula would do after. There was so much focus on the present and healing the past and overcoming, but it had completely slipped his mind to prepare her for the future. And this? This plan of theirs, of gaining safer passage for Azula and Sonam by having Azula give up her birth right had been hastily put together. An idle word mentioned by Iroh, confirmation of possibility from Ursa, acceptance from Azula, an official seal from Zuko…

"Fine," she said suddenly. "I knew Zuko would never be able to have me represent him, anyway. There's no one in the world who would stand for it."

"That's not true—"

"Get out. I want to get dressed."

"But—"

"Take Sonam. She needs a bath."

Grudgingly, Aang scooped up the baby and headed out. Azula's back was to him, but he could see her shoulders shaking. No matter what, he knew that Azula would put on a brave face at the feast. In fact, he was prepared for her to become emotionally distant the entire time they were in Ba Sing Se. She wouldn't let them see the extent of her hurt.

"Your mom's really going to need us," Aang told a yawning Sonam. "She'll never let her guard down here."

Even if bad things happened, Ba Sing Se needed to be a good experience for Azula. She needed to know that she could stand on her own. He needed to know that he could stand on his own, too.

* * *

A/N: Kimberly T brought up in her review that she thought Azula would have already given up her claim to the throne. The way I see it is that, until now, it has been an informal abdication. Because Azula was in the mental hospital, everyone took it for granted that she wouldn't be in the running for the throne any time soon. When she got out, that wasn't really everyone's main concern-they were more focused on her stability. Then this happened. So, we're just now getting around to a formal abdicaton, for all the good it'll do her. Also, this chapter starts a shift in the tone of the story. Kinda had an epiphany about Azula's life path. Hopefully I can start winding this down to a satisfactory ending soon.


	17. With One Leg to Stand

Chapter 17: With One Leg to Stand

It was a circus, and they were the main attraction. Her outfit reeked of her mother. It was a simple dress of yellow silk with long belled sleeves with white cuffs, all embroidered with white flames. Over it, a red high collared vest with a matching sash wrapped tight around her waist. Her hair was piled high on her head in buns and twists, with fancy hair combs with gold dragons with ruby eyes and wings. It positively _reeked_ of her mother.

The moment Aang was gone, she'd shoved his outfit back in the armoire, and heard a voice behind her praising her choice. It was a shriveled old woman who said her name was Nita, a servant of Lady Ursa, sent specifically to show _Lady_ Azula how to maneuver in her new position. The first order of business was to rewash and scrub her, apply scents and rouge and comb and twist and pin her hair, to slap color on her lips, and literally use her foot to bind Azula as tightly as possible in this stupid, restricting dress. She'd penned a quick letter to her mother, then had Nita send it immediately.

_What is your game, now, mother?_

The ballroom was filled with people, and light tinkling music struggling under the constant conversation. Azula was aware of just how many people were watching her with interest, including Aang.

"What?" she barked at him, reaching out for Sonam just to have something to do with her hands.

"That is most certainly not the outfit I picked out."

"No, this one comes courtesy of my mother, along with a shriveled grape named Nita." She narrowed her eyes at Aang. "Did you have any part in this?"

"I promise you I didn't."

Servants dispersed amongst the crowd and began herding everyone toward the dining room, where Azula and Aang were given seats of honor on the dias with the Council of Five. Had Aang come alone, Azula knew he would be seated next to Kuei, a place of honor befitting Aang's station and mission in Ba Sing Se. If he'd consented to have her put in the back of the castle, Azula might not have been invited to the feast at all, and that might have suited her just fine. Since he chose to stick by her, they were seated four people down from Kuei, which would certainly make it hard to do any business. She knew the political move well, and given everything Aang said about Kuei, she would bet her nonexistent crown that it didn't come from the struggling king. As far as Ba Sing Se was concerned, Aang had insulted them by bringing her. In politics, insult was always answered with insult, hence their terrible rooms and barely courteous seating at the feast.

"They're deliberately—"

"You can't do this halfway, Azula," Aang whispered, accepting the dumplings being presented. "Believe me, I'd love to hear your counsel. I still _need_ to hear it. Until things settle down, and everyone accepts that you aren't a Fire Nation princess anymore, I can't."

He looked sad and apologetic, but it didn't do anything to make her feel less shoved to the side. In fact, it just made her feel even more neglected. Her mind was the last thing she had, and now Aang was taking that away from her. Sure she could still reduce the tactics of Ba Sing Se's council down to its minute details, but what good would it do if she couldn't tell anyone what lay behind the plan? Being shushed left a bitter taste in her mouth. When the soup was set in front of her, she had no appetite for it, and instead reached for her wine glass. She'd barely touched her food at all, and by the time the third course was served, she'd had too much wine and too little food.

"King Kuei would like to present his guests with a little entertainment," one of Kuei's retainers announced. "A traditional dance from students at Ba Sing Se University."

"Oh goodie."

Perhaps she'd spoken too loudly, as Aang turned toward her, his interest turning to anger, and the attendees applauded as a deep drumbeat started. The dancers moved into position, the men and women wearing heavy robes from close to one hundred years ago, judging on the seriously outdated style. Undoubtedly, this was put together last minute to show her, the only person who ever conquered the great Walled City, that she hadn't damaged the strength of their culture and identity.

"Give me my daughter," Aang growled, thrusting his arms out for Sonam. "You're _drunk_."

Azula relinquished the child, knowing she didn't have much choice, but she wasn't fond of Aang's tone, nor the way he was looking at her.

"Well excuse me if I don't fit in here."

"You knew that when I first asked you to come with me. You are a _mother_. What if you dropped her?"

"I would _never_ drop my baby."

A few people were watching them closely, and a few more leaned in, hoping to hear what they were talking about. She might be a little tipsy, but there was no way she was drunk, and there was certainly no way she'd ever drop Sonam. Azula felt the warmth in the pit of her stomach, and she knew that she should calm down, that she should do those airbender breathing techniques. She knew a lot of things, but right then, she didn't care to act on them. Everyone was spitting on her, and yet, no one thought to speak up on her behalf, and she wasn't allowed to do a damn thing about it.

"I would never drop her, and how dare you even suggest—"

"I can't believe you," Aang said, shaking his head.

In front of them, the dancers were spinning and twirling, their sleeves moving to reveal intricate patterns that formed momentary pictures before the dancers moved again. Many people were watching the dancers, but many more were also watching her and Aang. When she took a deep breath, she felt the heat rise from her stomach, warming her body, and there was a familiar tingle in the tips of her fingers that she was coming to love again.

"Don't you _dare_," Aang warned.

Enough was enough. What did he expect her to do, sit there and look pretty? Her mother had certainly made that easy enough with her stupid, constricting dress and hair ornaments that tinkled constantly in her ear. Who were they expecting her to become? This was Mai's world not hers. It had never been hers. Azula hadn't thought of Mai in ages, since before the war ended, and doing so now, with the wine clouding her judgment, and Aang being furious with her, only made her weary and slightly sad. She'd done terrible things to both Mai and Ty Lee when she was younger, but Mai had never once come to visit her. She'd known that Mai and Zuko got back together briefly, but had never been told when they'd broken up. No one had ever told her that Mai went off somewhere. Ty Lee had remained by her side, had allowed Azula to seek forgiveness. But Mai? Abruptly Azula stood, holding out her arms for Sonam, wanting to be far, far away from the world.

"Give her to me, we're going back to our room."

"Absolutely not." Aang motioned to one of the Fire Nation staff, and Nita came forward. "Please take Sonam and accompany Azula back to our room."

Azula clenched her fists, and when Nita left, carrying her baby, this pawn that she did not know or trust, Azula followed close behind, tottering slightly in her stupid mother's stupid gown, the deep beat of the drum reverberating through the hall at her back.

* * *

When Azula was gone, Aang felt empty and drained and disappointed. Very disappointed and very, very sad. He didn't drop his head in his hands as he wanted, instead keeping his eyes focused on the dancers. When they were finished, he clapped with everyone else. He'd known that people were watching them, and had hoped that Azula would behave better. If they'd been back in the Fire Nation, she might have told him to be on his guard always, to never show them his true face unless he wanted them to use it against him. Azula must have been feeling horribly insecure if she would make herself that vulnerable in front of so many people.

Aang groaned as the dancers bowed and began moving off. They'd only just gotten there, and while he never thought that Azula wouldn't still need to be coached through this, he'd hoped she would have a better handle on things. One thing he hadn't been able to anticipate was this new Kuei he would have to deal with. This wasn't the confused and struggling man he left, and the very last thing he wanted to do was find out that all their hard work had gone to waste. And certainly not just because he'd brought Azula with him, especially since he'd told them she would be coming with him.

"Your choices confuse me, Avatar Aang," Kuei said, coming to fill Azula's vacated seat. "The Lightning Princess is still as uncontrollable and unpredictable as ever."

"That's not true."

"Even you don't have the strength to deny it."

Aang squinted at Kuei. That had sounded too much like Ai. But what did he expect? He hadn't spent much time in Ba Sing Se for the past year, so of course it would fall to Ai to help mold Kuei into the king he needed to be, and failing that, to guide him down the best path. Consequences, the monks in his head had said. Consequences and obstacles, and now he had to find the path out of _this_ mess that he'd created.

"Azula isn't an object. She's not a Pai Sho tile, and I can't control her anymore than you can. I don't _want_ to control her."

"Then why did you bring her here?"

"Because she's the mother of my child," Aang said, exasperated. "I love that little girl, and I couldn't bear to be away from her for so long. No matter what I may think of Azula, I would never force her to be apart from her daughter. Sure, she struggles with motherhood, but…"

Kuei looked at Aang for a long while, and Aang met that gaze, determined. Kuei wasn't the only one who'd changed. Now, things were different. In an abstract way, he'd been fighting to change the world for future generations. He wanted the fighting to stop, and he wanted there to be peace. Now, though, there was Sonam, and in a very real way, he wanted Ba Sing Se to not crumble and cave because if Ba Sing Se fell there would be less balance in the world. Everything would be unstable, and they'd be on the edge of war again.

"I'm sorry I was so distant the last time I was here," Aang said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "It wasn't fair to you, but there's was too much going on, and I didn't know what I was doing, and I couldn't concentrate."

Kuei softened, and Aang saw the old, fun loving king he knew. The party continued on around them, though for the moment, they had their own private bubble. Couples were twirling together on the dance floor much like they'd been the first time Aang had crashed an Earth Kingdom party when he was twelve. He chuckled at the memory, feeling so very far away from that little boy he'd been.

"When you told me there was something else on your mind, is this what you meant?" Kuei asked.

"Yes. This…believe me, I didn't plan this. I hadn't even _thought_ about having kids yet. I'm still so young."

Azula would tell him to clam up. He was giving away the emotional high ground. Let Kuei reveal himself first, show that he was in need of guidance. The monks would tell him that admitting that you need help is a strength most men do not have. Uncle would tell him that a man without eyes to see can never hope to safely find his way from the forest.

Kuei nodded. "I don't think any of us expected to be where we are now. I guess the most we can do is try to make the best of a terrible situation. You understand that I cannot let her roam about the palace?"

"I understand."

"And that I would feel better if I had my own guards on her. I've heard a thousand tales about her and how she doesn't bend anymore, and how she bends fire like a dragon. I've heard it said that she doesn't even bend fire anymore, just lightning, which is why they call her the Lightning Princess."

"About that…well, Azula's not a princess anymore."

"What do you mean?" Kuei was drumming his fingers on the table, suddenly nervous. "You can't just stop being a princess. Can you?"

"She renounced her birthright. I have an official document from Fire Lord Zuko, with all required signatures and seals."

Aang held the parchment out to Kuei, who recoiled from it. Kuei was looking at the document, his eyes wide, almost filled with fear. Or maybe not fear.

"There is no such thing," Kuei said, standing.

"Yes there is. I have it right here."

"No," Kuei shook his head, turning to leave. "Formalities, only. I read the law books you left here, both from the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. Avatar Aang, the most you could possibly have is an agreement from Princess Azula that she would not challenge her brother's right to rule, nor the right of his children to rule, and that she would make no attempt to claim the throne. Grand Secretariat Ai assured me that, despite what the words actually say, there is no such thing as renouncing your claim, either in the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation."

* * *

Back in their room, Azula struggled to get the clothes off. Her fingers were too stiff or not stiff enough, and her vision was blurry. When her knees caved, she pounded the floor. She wanted to scream as loud as she possibly could, but if she did, she'd wake Sonam, then she'd have to deal with a screaming baby with no guarantee of getting her back to sleep.

"There, there, child," Nita said, grabbing her beneath her underarms and pulling her up. "There will be times for tears later. You are not that drunk. Up, up."

Azula stood, but held onto the bedpost, clutching it as if it was the only thing keeping her on her feet.

"Our wise lady wanted to respect your wish to do this on your own, but was not ready to send her daughter and granddaughter off unprotected."

"I have an honor guard, and the Avatar."

Nita tsked as she poured a cup of tea and guided Azula to a chair.

"Those are not the weapons your lady mother speaks of. I was in her service when she first came to the capitol to marry your father when she was seventeen."

Azula sipped the tea, and the mint did much to clear her body, but very little to clear her heart. Back in the Fire Nation, she'd been surrounded by love and protection. She'd felt better, somewhat _whole_. And even if it was meaningless, she'd still held the title of princess, and maybe giving that up bothered her more than she thought. It had meant something. It had been hers since birth, had been molded into her personality, into her very being. She was always Princess Azula. So much of what was had been tainted, and in theory she should be glad to get rid of it. But it was still hers. And now it wasn't. And what was she?

"First tea, then sleep, my lady."

* * *

A/N: So, this is a fairly important chapter in terms of Azula's development. She's at the crossroads of not being allowed to be who she was before the war, and not having the slightest idea of what and who she wants to be after the baby. And this is where, I think, Ursa could really come in. She's got a plan for her daughter, and though she's still back in the Fire Nation, she's got a way to help. I feel fairly safe in telling people not to expect Azula's "life conflict" to be solved in this story, simply because that's something that's going to take _years_ to achieve, and I really don't want to force a huge life decision like that just for the sake of a story. But there will be a resolution for her, or at least her coming to a place where she can start building her new life.


	18. The Furies

Chapter 18: The Furies

Kuei's audience chamber was fuller than when Aang had left, and he refused to decide whether that was good or bad just yet. So far, all he could tell was that the restructured council was much too large, but by their own admission, there were still many kinks they needed to work out. Clearly, a twenty person council would do nothing but sit and argue all day.

"What about a high council of five?" Aang suggested, idly doodling on the paper in front of him. "Two of King Kuei's old council members, two from the Citizen's Coalition, and the fifth, of course, King Kuei himself. Then there could be smaller committees, ones that focus on things like education, agriculture, and public safety."

Aang wondered if this was how Zuko and Sokka spent their days. Boring meeting after boring meeting, walking people who should know better through forming committees and teaching them to play nice. Even though he felt far more focused, like he finally knew what he was doing, it still didn't feel right. He wasn't actually helping them do anything important. He couldn't help but wonder if he was still being punished for bringing Azula with him.

"That sounds fair," Kuei said. "If both sides can get me a list of names and qualifications, I can try to have a proposed list next week."

"I believe you can make that decision on your own, King Kuei," Grand Secretariat Ai said, shooting Aang a sidelong glance. "You have had time to work with these people, and you know their strengths and weaknesses. Your decision should be the final one."

Kuei nodded a little nervously, Aang noticed. Papers were shuffled and people talked quietly amongst themselves, most notably some members of the Citizen's Coalition. Kuei cleared his throat as he consulted his agenda and a tense silence settled over the group. It was driving Aang crazy, and for his own sanity, he needed to find out just why they were acting like this.

"King Kuei, I know this is probably out of line, but what happened? What changed so much while I was gone?"

"It is very much out of line, Avatar," General How said sharply.

Aang held his breath as Kuei sighed deeply and looked at his advisers giving each of them a long, almost pleading look. Ai gave a nearly imperceptible nod, and Kuei looked at his papers for a short while, almost as if he was looking for the answer there, rather than inside him. The others, however, even members of the Citizen's Coalition that had been on his side the last time he'd sat in the council chambers, kept their stern eyes on him. Only General How's look was openly angry.

"You've spent much time away from Ba Sing Se, Avatar Aang." Kuei cleared his throat and adjusted the cushion on his chair. "I understand now that there was a very good and very important reason that you were distracted. And…and maybe my attention was divided, as well."

In the pause while Kuei gathered himself, Aang felt a part of himself shrinking and retreating. His heart beat quickly, and he rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so nervous. Even when Azula was giving birth, he'd felt a measure of certainty that things would turn out just fine, and they had.

"I told you last night that there is no escaping certain fates," Kuei finally continued. "I am the 56th Earth King. That is my destiny, and I have come to accept it."

"It was as if you were the king and not King Kuei, Avatar Aang," Grand Secretariat Ai said. "With all due respect, you were King Kuei's crutch so long as you were here. It was too easy to depend on you to do everything. We can no longer afford to ask for your permission to do what we need to do for the Earth Kingdom."

Aang nodded, glad that Kuei finally found the strength to be the king he needed to be, even if it was a realization borne out of despair and the knowledge that there was no way he could ever back out of this position. Perhaps this would allow Kuei to finally settle down into his role and become more comfortable with it. Still, as Uncle would say, with blind eyes, you couldn't see the path ahead of you. As the meeting progressed, Aang had less and less to contribute, and his opinion was hardly asked for. The few times he tries to offer his opinion, he was met with polite nods and cool looks.

"Grand Secretariat, could we…talk for a bit?" Aang asked as everyone was filing out and feeling generally content with the progress made.

"Of course, Avatar Aang."

Ai had been stern and critical for as long as Aang had known her, and to a certain extent, Aang admired her ability to push Kuei to get things done. She was undoubtedly an asset to the council, and would prove to be the one person who keeps things from falling apart. Granted, that was very much the role Long Feng served, but Aang didn't think Ai was corrupt. She truly wanted what was best for Kuei and Ba Sing Se, and had worked hard to make sure he was prepared to rule. He trusted her, and didn't think she would lead Kuei astray.

"King Kuei, asked you if he could give up his throne, didn't he?" Aang asked when the room was empty except for the two of them.

"That is _not_ an option," Ai said, slamming her hands down on the table. "I will speak candidly with you, young Avatar, because your friends are clearly not willing to do so. Remove that pathetic notion from your mind—and you'd do well to mention this to _Princess_ Azula as well, though I'd expect her of all people to know better."

Shocked, Aang fell back into his chair, unsure of what to make of Ai's outburst. He opened his mouth to protest, but Ai cut him off.

"King Kuei told me of your conversation at last night's dinner, and he showed me the document that Fire Lord Zuko wrote up for you. Regardless of what that paper says, there is _no way_ to give up _any_ throne."

"If that were true, Zuko wouldn't—"

"_Fire Lord_ Zuko knows that his sister cannot give up her claim, and though he may have softened his words so he didn't crush your hopes when he spoke to you, he would know that, regardless of what that scroll says, if he were to die right now, Princess Azula _will_ be placed on the throne, whether she wants it or not."

"But—"

"You have a poor understanding of politics, Avatar Aang, and while I respect and admire your attempts to learn everything you can in a short amount of time, it shows nearly every time you open your mouth."

Aang waited, arms crossed and fists balled, for Ai to continue. She was silent, but a fire raged behind her eyes, and Aang went through his own airbending breathing techniques, hoping to calm the fire in the pit of his stomach. Ai's words had been more than blunt—they were downright rude, and no matter how angry and frustrated and let down she might feel, she had no right to talk to him like that. Like he was still a child.

"I understand your desperate need to keep King Kuei on the throne," Aang said, trying to keep his voice level. "He is the face that the people of the Earth Kingdom know, and his line of succession is the clearest. However, if he is not the best person for the job, wouldn't it be wiser to turn to a cousin?"

Wearily, Ai shook her head. "We've been down that path before, Avatar Aang. Don't you think that would be our first order of business? Within days of his return, it was clear that King Kuei was horribly inept, but of all our options, he is the one most willing to work with the other nations to achieve your dream of peace. And don't believe for one little second that his cousins aren't out there with their own supporters. Don't believe that they aren't scheming or have others scheming on their behalf. If you think that no one has challenged Kuei's rule, and that some of those pretenders may be more attractive than Kuei, you are far more naïve than I thought, and I hope for all our sakes that you have your own team of advisers to fill in your own gaps in knowledge."

* * *

Azula felt like a caged tigerdillo, but at least a tigerdillo could strike out at the people who were poking it with sticks, and people would just say, "it's a tigerdillo, don't poke it with a stick or you'll get what's coming to you." They'd been in Ba Sing Se only for a few days, but she'd done absolutely nothing. Day and night, she'd practically been cooped up in their tiny suites, and even though the staff they brought with them was small, all it did was make the rooms feel even smaller. On top of that, there were Earth Kingdom guards outside her door at all times. She couldn't so much as open the door without them moving their hands to their weapons. When she tried to change her scenery by going out into the garden or just walk down the hall, even with her own Fire Nation guards, Ai's lackeys were two steps behind her.

"Pacing will only increase your nervous energy," Nita said as she burped Sonam.

"Well, what else do you expect me to do?" Azula growled. It wasn't like she had a job she could do, no projects to work on. There was nothing for her here except Sonam, and even that was very, very little comfort, especially when Aang was always snatching the baby away as if Azula couldn't do things herself.

"Why did you agree to come here with Avatar Aang, hm? You knew there was nothing here for you, yet in the Fire Nation, you would be surrounded by friends and family, and they would support you."

Azula only slowed her pacing, shifted to the other side of the tiny room, closer to the window. At least she had a decent view. Even though their windows looked out on the busy and often noisy front plaza, it was nicely landscaped, and she could watch the people coming and going. Sonam gurgled in the old lady's arms, and Azula flexed her hands. Whether she'd stayed in the Fire Nation or traveled with Aang, the same problem would plague her. She was idle. She'd never had idle time in her life; she'd always been doing something, and now she had nothing. Of course she still had talents, and there were things that she _could_ be doing. She'd quickly learned that there were things that she could do, and things she was allowed to do, and she didn't care for that distinction at all.

"I came because Aang didn't want to be away from Sonam," she finally said, turning toward Nita.

"And what about you? Did you want to come to Ba Sing Se?"

"Is that what my mother sent you here to do? Question me about everything? Where did she even find you, because I certainly don't remember seeing you around the palace."

Nita smiled calmly in a way that very much reminded Azula of the hidden steel in her mother's eyes. Perhaps it would have been better if she'd just consented to having her mother tag along.

"You could hardly expect to take note of everyone in the vast Fire Nation palace. But you are correct, Lady Azula. Your mother sent for me from her home on Kirachu Island. She hoped that I might be able to show you a different path. One that is more to your satisfaction."

That would, of course, require her to decide just what she wanted. Mostly, she felt jittery and anxious and on edge. She'd tried to do some exercises in their tiny room, but she couldn't firebend, and for the first time in years she actively wanted to. It wasn't just an idle thought, and the moment it occurred to her, she wanted to do it immediately. It was a compulsion, an itch, like if she didn't do it right then, she might go crazy again. Nita was smiling smugly, as if she'd known the answer all along, and was simply waiting for Azula to figure it out.

"I need out of here," she said, her fingers twitching. "I need to do something."

"Then do something we shall," Nita said, handing Sonam to Azula. "Maybe a walk around the garden will do us all some good. I do believe little Sonam here could do with some fresh autumn air."

Nita led the way out of the room, and when the Earth Kingdom guards stood at the ready, their hands on their sword hilts, Nita fixed them all with a firm look. She informed them that "her lady" wished to visit the gardens. Azula couldn't possibly hold back the smile, amused at the way Nita commanded the Earth Kingdom soldiers as if she were the lady wishing to visit the garden. After a few quick looks and nods, the Earth Kingdom soldiers led the way to the garden, with Azula's household guard following behind her. In part, it reminded her of something her mother would do—walk into a room and take control of something that wasn't her business. As Sonam yawned and settled into Azula's arms, she took comfort in knowing that she, herself, had done the same thing. All during the war, she'd walk into rooms full of scheming old men and demand to know what was going on. Sometimes, they would look like they were thinking of disagreeing with her, but in the end, they always complied. They knew better. She was the rock, hardened and polished to a deathly point in the fires of the volcano.

As soon as the cool air hit her, Azula felt her restlessness increase. Her fingers twitched as she held her daughter, but the baby didn't care, just smiling, and opening one golden eye slightly before almost leaning into the wind and falling asleep again. Unconsciously, Azula shifted her arms as she dropped to the ground in a mediation position with Sonam in her cradled in her lap. Her house guard stood back a few paces, giving her space for meditation, but the Earth Kingdom soldiers weren't so forgiving. With more space for Azula to bend, these earthbending soldiers weren't wasting time with weapons; should she try anything, they were prepared for earthbending, to take her down immediately. They even caged her outside.

"Your mother once told me an interesting story," Nita said, reclining on one of the benches. "Back when she—"

"I don't want to hear it right now," Azula ground out, feeling more tense than ever.

She tried to slip into a meditative state, focusing on the sun and its position in the sky. She'd almost reached it, felt the fire flaring in her chakra, and a comforting, familiar pull. She thought calm thoughts, dinner with her family, spending time with Zuko, finally shaking off all her demons… But she didn't want to be calm. There had never been anything soft about her, and maybe that was Ozai's fault, but it was who she was. And who said being prickly was a bad thing, anyway? It worked fine for Toph, and the only thing that separated her from Toph was their families.

The longer she attempted to meditate, the more agitated she became until she finally decided that she just didn't want to be calm anymore. Let someone else be calm.

"What are you doing?"

Nita came over instinctively, taking Sonam from Azula.

"I needed to get outside. If you've had a bad day, don't take it out on me, Avatar."

She could practically feel the tension radiating off Aang, and the more tense he got, the more tense the Earth Kingdom guards would get, and that would make her own guards tense. Rationality was telling her to diffuse the situation. _Diplomacy_ was telling her to ease someone's anxiety so things didn't get out of hand. But she didn't want to, so she didn't.

"I thought you weren't going to cause any trouble, Azula!"

"Avatar Aang," Nita said, trying to intervene on Azula's behalf, "Lady Azula hasn't—"

"They're practically ready to earthbend at her!"

Azula could imagine Aang gesturing toward the tense Earth Kingdom guards, who were no doubt waiting for an excuse to start slinging rocks. She refused to turn around and face him just yet. Nita had been right about her finding her own path in life, but Azula was perfectly sure that this new path wouldn't be dictated by her mother. It wouldn't be dictated by Aang, either. She would not sit idly by, she would not remain calm when chaos erupted around her. In fact, she should take it in stride that the Earth Kingdom still feared her. She'd complained endlessly when she was in the Fire Nation about how people didn't respect her.

In the Earth Kingdom? They respected her. They knew who she was.

Rather than say anything to Aang, Azula sent a sharp whip of fire at him, the crack of the blue flames sending a satisfying chill down her spine. She tried to control her smile as Aang dissipated the whip with a small burst of air. It wouldn't do to let them think she was enjoying this too much. As it was, neither line of soldiers knew quite how to react.

"L-lady Azula, I do not think—"

"Maybe I will ask for your opinion later, Nita, but right now, it is neither wanted nor appreciated."

Azula kept her gaze on Aang, noticing the tiny waves of tension in his body. He was gripping his staff, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet. Maybe he knew it would happen sooner or later, and maybe he had hoped it would be later, and certainly not in the Earth Kingdom while he was on a mission for peace. Wanting and hopes didn't matter, now; it was happening. Azula was finally ready to test herself.

She shifted her weight, glad she'd forgone Nita's suggestion of another one of her mother's outfits, feeling the hardening ground beneath her thin-soled shoes. The fire was rising in her stomach and she coaxed it out toward her fingertips in a familiar pattern she'd learned when she was three. Those early training sessions with Azulon came back to her all too quickly; even before she'd had her first firebending teacher, there was Azulon, testing her worth and her skill. Deciding. Judging. Sentencing. His face had been emotionless, and he'd talked to her as if she was nothing to him, like she was just some child. She'd only realized later that his attacks were horrendously mild, but to her young mind, it seemed as if the ancient dragons themselves had been woken when that first fireball was launched at her. She had no idea she was doing when she'd thrown fire of her own, brilliant blue against his deep red, hoping to stop the fire from burning her. She'd run and tried to dodge, but her grandfather bore down on her all the same, and there was no way she could truly hide from him. As her palms grew hotter and the fire was in her fingertips, waiting to be released for that first attack, Azula remembered how she'd finally surrounded herself in a dome of blue flame when she was three, hoping that Azulon would be gone when she emerged. He wasn't. He was still standing over her, but he didn't attack her again.

It was a single thought that made Azula hesitate in her fight against Aang: that day, she could have been burned and scarred the way Zuko was so many years later. Had she refused Azulon, he might have punished her the way Ozai punished Zuko.

Aang took advantage of Azula's hesitation, sending two mighty gusts of air to blow back both sets of guards before sending a blade in Azula's direction. Her eyes filling with tears, Azula easily dodged, forcing out anger and the pain of suppressed memories in short, explosive blasts of fire. She yelled as she cracked her fire whips at Aang's quickly moving feet, running and trying to close the gap between them, knowing his airbending wouldn't be as effective in close range. Aang shifted into a waterbending stance, and Azula growled, hating that he was the Avatar and that he would use every element against her. When the icicles came at her from the pond, she slapped them down with fire covered hands, but the resulting steam didn't have a chance to dissipate before Aang was controlling the water droplets and sending them pounding into her side.

The attack threw her off balance, and she fell to her knees. The line of Earth Kingdom soldiers had gotten shorter, though behind them, she could see a larger group coming, led by that stupid Grand Secretariat Ai. They'd cage her again if she let them catch her. They'd cage her and this time they wouldn't let her out of her room. Ai might even have her locked in a cell in the dungeons, and Azula refused to be put there. They wouldn't cage her again. The Fire Nation soldiers were moving behind her, probably coming to her defense, or to at least stave off the Earth Kingdom soldiers, but Azula wanted help from none of them. She swung her feet around like she'd seen Zuko do in nearly every fight he had, and shields were thrown up on all sides to avoid the attack.

She threw herself into a roll, finally getting closer to Aang, almost inside his defenses, but he must have seen her coming because she ran into a wall of air as she tried to lunge at him. She swung out with wild, untrained punches which he blocked easily with his staff before stepping back and throwing two jets of air at her. Azula blocked with two jets of fire, satisfied with the noise the collision made. She let her mind go, allowed her body to take control, to remember, to fight the way she'd always fought. That blaze in the pit of her stomach grew hotter, and the warmth spread through her veins, covered her like blanket, made her feel safe. Every firey punch or kick warmed her limbs more and more. She moved with her old grace, with more than her old grace, her twists and turns melding seamlessly into each other. Azula was barely aware of who she was fighting, glimpsing at times Aang or an Earth Kingdom soldier. Once or twice, she was vaguely aware of a flash of red, a sword, a shield, a pole.

Then finally it came, that unity of mind, heart, and body that she'd denied herself for so long. That familiar bright blue burst, and this was sweeter than anything she'd known before. There was such peace and happiness and joy and ecstasy in that one moment, that fraction of a second after the flame left her hands and before the tears started again, this time in full force.

As Azula collapsed into a bawling heap in the garden, she knew she'd made a terrible mistake. She'd worked hard to change everything about herself, and yet she still managed to sabotage it. Ai was yelling, her voice shrill and furious, and rough hands yanked her off the ground, forced her arms behind her back. Then Aang started yelling, too, and there was a lot of shouting and pointing, and Azula closed her mind to all of it, retreated back to that place inside of her where no one could touch.

* * *

A/N: First, I want to apologize for the slowness of updates for this story. Since I've started posting it, life's been taking some serious dives in the shitter, and my time and attention is almost constantly being drawn to other, more serious matters. That said, I'm still going to finish this story, and hope to wrap it up in the next three chapters or so. I've found a sudden burst of inspiration, and the events of this chapter has given me a thread to properly wrap things up and provide some sort of conclusion for our characters.

With this chapter, I wanted to show that Ba Sing Se really did move on without Aang, and there's still going to be some resentment there for a long time to come, especially from Ai. She's not a bad person, but I see her as someone who does all the work and gets none of the credit. Given who Kuei is, he'll always have someone behind him whispering in his ear, and Ai gets to be that person, whether she wants it or not. It's a high stress job, and having Kuei begging to abdicate like he thinks Azula did would piss her off. I also see her as being highly protective of Kuei because she knows he can't fend for himself. And, again, Aang's inexperience with intricate royal matters shows through. To be fair to him, though, Zuko probably should have explained more about it, and this is a phenomenon that would be particular to the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom since they have such rigid monarchies. But I also wanted to show that Aang is learning and growing, which is why he stands up to Ai a lot more.

And then our dear princess, and the return of her bending. It's time for her to confront more of her demons, because those things really do impact her future. I'm trying to use Nita as a teaching tool, but Azula just keeps rebelling against that, and I think it's because she doesn't want to be "Lady Azula," or at least not the way her mother is Lady Ursa. Ursa has fulfillment in her life because of her family, but Azula's fufillment has always been her bending. I wanted to make the moment of her first blue flame almost orgasmic because, as many bad memories that are tied to her bending, there are also some good ones, such as the freedom and completeness she gets. It's like becoming whole again, even for a tiny moment, and this changes her. Aang's bending has changed, and he's grown stronger, she he can give her a good fight, and this sparring session becomes like a good stretch after a long nap for her. It's an awakening.

Thanks for sticking with me, you guys. I mean it. The next wait won't be so long.


	19. A Lady, A King

Chapter 19: A Lady, A King

"That was absolutely irresponsible—"

"It was something she needed!" Aang yelled, slamming his hands on the table. "There was never one second where I believed Azula would actually hurt me. No one was in danger—"

"And in front of your _child_, no less. How could—"

"Don't _ever_ bring Sonam into this."

Aang's voice was cold and low, and Ai stopped in her tracks. He narrowed his eyes at the older woman, challenging her to say something else about his daughter. The moment Azula had sent that first fire whip at him, he knew what needed to happen between them. It wasn't a sparring match so much as Azula stretching her muscles, testing her own boundaries. True, it was regrettable that it had to happen when everyone was so tense, but these things couldn't always be planned. He'd tried to tell the Earth Kingdom captain that they would spar, but the more aggressive Azula's attacks became, the less willing to listen he was. Aang had tried to explain as much as he could between dodging Azula's attacks and returning with his own, but his mind was divided, and it really wanted to be in the fight with Azula.

It was exhilarating, arguably the most thrilling thing he'd done since the end of the war. He'd seen his training with his friends pay off tenfold. During the war, he'd barely been able to hold his own against Azula, but now, he could meet her on almost even footing. It would have been even if he hadn't had to argue with a captain who wouldn't listen to him anyway.

Down the table from them, Kuei sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "You know I can't let her get away without punishment, Avatar Aang," he said sadly.

"What law has she broken?"

"Excuse me?"

"What law has she broken, _King_ Kuei?"

Aang did his best to keep the venom out of his voice, but really, as far as he was concerned, it was the Earth Kingdom's fault the event had become a city-wide scandal. Had they hung back and trusted him as Avatar, he and Azula would have had their spar, then everyone would be done with it. Now the citizens were panicking and demanding Azula be locked in a cell. They wanted no part of her, and what was worse, Sonam had been dragged into it as well. Someone had decided that the infant was a firebender, and that she would undoubtedly have her mother's tainted nature. And now, everyone had it in their mind that Aang wasn't strong enough to handle her should she actually get out of control.

Kuei shifted, glancing at Ai before responding to Aang. "Well…"

"Because she didn't break any laws."

"Disorderly conduct?" Kuei looked at Ai hopefully.

"Are you asking me, or telling me that she is guilty of disorderly conduct?" Aang snapped before Ai could respond.

"How very Azula of you," Ai retorted. "It would seem the Lightning Princess's influence over you is stronger than we all imagined."

"Not so strong that I can't think for myself. I've been helping with Azula's recovery since the day she was chained like a beast and put in a dungeon cell after the war was over. I know the worst that she's capable of, and I know the best."

"I want so very much to believe you," Kuei said, standing and walking over to a window. "But the people are all riled up, now. Everyone has heard of the fight. The yelling brought too many people to their windows, and they saw you two fighting, and then they went and told others. It's just..too risky to have the Lightning Princess in Ba Sing Se."

"How very Ai of you," Aang spat, pacing and hoping to walk off his anger.

There was no way they would listen to him. Ai had already made up her mind about Azula, and because Ai had made up her mind, Kuei had made up his mind. Underneath the implications on the current situation, Aang knew that this was the true problem with Ba Sing Se. Kuei refused to think for himself. Even after everything that Aang had done to help, after all the time and effort Aang had put into preparing Kuei, the man was a defeatist. He had it set in his mind that he was hopeless, and nothing would change that. Nothing.

"If you want to be a king," Aang said quietly, following one of Azula's tactics of forcing people to listen, "then get out there and tell people what happened. Tell people that Azula and I were sparring, and a lack of communication made things get out of hand."

"You can't expect anyone to believe that," Ai snarled.

"If it comes from their _king_, they might."

Kuei turned around slowly, and a little hope rose in Aang's chest. He'd seen Zuko do this a thousand times. There was an incident, and rumors got blown out of proportion. As Fire Lord, in full regalia, he would address his people and set the record straight. He'd seen Hakoda do it. If there was a disagreement, Hakoda would investigate and set the record straight to the best of his abilities. Why should Kuei be any different? Why should he be special?

"I don't know that that was what happened, Avatar Aang."

"Then investigate. You've heard my side, and Grand Secretariat Ai's version of events, though she wasn't even there. Talk with Azula, the captain of the Fire Nation guard, Miss Nita, and the captain of the Earth Kingdom guard. Be a king and investigate."

* * *

Azula closed her eyes as she leaned back and put her feet up on the couch, Sonam sleeping on her stomach while Aang finished out another round of meetings or whatever it was that he was doing. She rubbed her baby's back in those slow, soothing circles that she used to do when she was pregnant, and Azula could swear that Sonam clung to her tighter. Azula smiled as the cool breeze from the open window washed over them both, and she took a chance, raising her body temperature to keep Sonam warm. Just a little, and just to prove to herself that she could.

"The tea is ready, my lady," Nita said, setting a tray down on the table in front of her.

Azula nodded. She couldn't think of a time when her bending had felt so…powerful. In that moment, there had been fear and rage, and she'd let those emotions overwhelm her, but the chasm wasn't so deep this time. She could climb out without anyone's help. She was Azula, the Lightning Princess, and she didn't want to give that up so easily. Azula flexed her fingers, and there was still a slight tingling there. Pleasant. There was one time where Uncle visited her in the asylum and he'd told her something about bending. He'd been sad that she wouldn't bend even the smallest flame. There was some stuff about how bending involved the whole being, how it touched parts that couldn't otherwise be touched. He'd told her about the first time he'd bent after Lu Ten's death, how it had been a release, a relief, how he'd been overwhelmed. He'd even cried. Azula flexed her fingers again. That pleasant tingling had left, and she was sad to see it go.

A loud knock at the door yanked her away from that deep place, and left her in an annoyed mood.

"Send them away," she grumbled at Nita. "I don't want to see anyone."

Nita disappeared into the other room, and there were voices, and a particular one made her ears perk up.

"Well, isn't this completely expected?" Azula asked, raising her voice so that her visitors could hear her.

King Kuei entered first, after having been gestured through by Nita. Azula kept her eyes partially closed so that she could observe the wayward king.

He was cautious when he entered the room, being sure to give the couch a wide berth while trying not to appear afraid of her. She gestured him to the couch across from her and nervously, Kuei sat, as Nita brought out the tea for them, adding an extra place setting.

"Do I address you as Lady Azula or Princess Azula?" Kuei asked as Nita served the tea.

"You read the document Avatar Aang presented to you," Azula said. "I have renounced my claim on the Fire Nation throne."

Kuei paused, his brow furrowed and his eyes desperately fixed on his tea, and Azula watched him. He'd come without any of his advisors, which she knew to be a big step, especially since he'd left his Grand Secretariat behind. Despite what everyone said about the woman, Azula knew that she was every bit as dangerous as Long Feng. So long as there was a weak king on the Earth Kingdom throne, the Grand Secretariat, no matter what their beliefs or intentions, would be a dangerous person. Kuei cleared his throat, and his hands shook as he picked up the cup of tea.

"Yes. Yes, I have. But my advisors tell me that this is impossible. All of them. They say that."

Simply being in a room with her made Kuei nervous. He'd only brought two guards with him, and even though the room still very much looked like it was decorated by the Earth Kingdom, Kuei acted as if he'd been transported to the Fire Nation and was being interrogated. Azula smiled, chuckling lightly as she sat up and cradled a still sleeping Sonam.

"Then your advisors are smart," she said, giving him a pointed look. "Out of respect for the agreement that my brother and I have come to, let's go with Lady Azula, hm?"

Kuei nodded, but remained quiet, looking intently into his teacup. He mumbled something about the tea being delicious, and asked after the blend of leaves and spices, and Azula let him prattle. Azula kept her end of the social bargain and answered his questions calmly and politely. She hoped he would settle into his questions soon, because she wasn't in the mood to be with anyone just then. All she wanted was to meditate and center herself, to purge a few more bad memories from her mind again, to fill those soon-to-be-empty spaces with memories of Sonam.

"You have questions you want to ask me."

"Yes."

"About my sparring match with Avatar Aang."

"Yes."

Azula waited, but still Kuei didn't say anything. He was every bit as spineless as Aang had said. "Ask them."

"Yes, yes…" Kuei cleared his throat and glanced at Azula. "There have been…concerns. Complaints. Questions. Many…many questions."

"I am a dragon defanged, King Kuei," Azula said, exasperated. "Your Grand Secretariat has less love for me than perhaps Long Feng, and she wants me thrown in your dungeons, or better yet, sent back to the Fire Nation where I'm someone else's problem. Follow her advice or grow a spine and do what you came here to do. I don't have time for your sniveling."

Kuei scowled and sat his teacup heavily on the table between them. "I do have my own mind, despite what everyone seems to think. I agreed with Avatar Aang that I would investigate your intentions during your alleged sparring match, and that's what I intend to do."

When Kuei gave her a hard stare, Azula gladly returned it, knowing that should it come down to a staring match, Kuei would never win.

"What happened to make you turn on Avatar Aang?"

"I didn't turn on him," Azula scoffed. "It was a sparring match."

"Witnesses said he couldn't handle you. That you were too strong for him."

"I don't know about that. He seemed to be doing fine."

Azula shrugged and shifted Sonam as the baby began to wake. Those precious golden eyes looked at her again, and Azula felt that stupid softening of her heart. She brushed back Sonam's shaggy black hair, completely forgetting that Kuei was sitting across from her, supposedly interrogating her. When Sonam smiled, Azula smiled back at the tiny baby, tickling her stomach so she burbled.

"You can't possible know what it's like to bend," Azula said quietly to Kuei. "This was the first time in…years. So many years. It's like stretching your legs after being cramped in a tiny cell. Like a drink of water after crossing the desert." She shook her head. None of that really described just how _good_ it felt.

"Do you even realize the situation you've put me in? Half the city is calling for me to kick you out, and the other half wants you executed. You can't just…just _waltz_ in here with a baby and thing everything's forgiven!"

Azula looked at Kuei, saw the red in his face, the budding anger. With one look at him, she saw what she'd done to Kuei better than he even saw it himself. He was being forced to stand on his own legs, no support, no crutch. From everything she knew about Ai, Azula could tell that this wasn't her chosen course of action; no, Ai would much rather see her in a dungeon cell until she could convince Aang to leave the city. Kuei was standing on his own, and Aang had convinced him to do it. She was mildly impressed.

"You want to know things from my perspective? I've been trapped in the castle, barely allowed to breathe without your soldiers putting their hands on their swords. I've locked away a side of me that was desperate for release, and finally, it came free. Avatar Aang put up a good fight, and I assure you, I will do it again."

They sat in silence as Kuei finished his tea, and when he was done, he looked as if he'd been poisoned. He looked at Azula, and slowly the color drained from his face.

* * *

Perhaps there would be hope for this king, if ever anyone could get him to come out of hiding.

"It's not often that I stand before you as King," Kuei said, addressing the citizens who'd gathered to hear him speak. "By now, nearly everyone has heard about the…incident between Avatar Aang and Lady Azula. I wanted you to hear the truth from me. Your King."

Or maybe that was the problem, Azula thought. Like her, Kuei had been himself for so long that to become a completely different person was just too big a task. Slowly, she was starting to find her balance. She refused to compromise her wit and her knowledge just to make the people around her more comfortable. She snorted. It was Aang who'd talked to her about balance the most. Aang who'd always said that she shouldn't completely give up her bending because it was so ingrained in who she was. It was Aang…

"I have investigated the situation," Kuei continued. "I, personally, have talked with all persons involved."

"I'm surprised he's doing this," Aang whispered.

They were standing in the alcove just behind the balcony where Kuei was addressing the citizens of Ba Sing Se. The moment had been discussed and planned in detail, and Kuei thought it best that neither she nor Aang be on the balcony, to keep things from getting out of control. It was a wise decision, one both she and Aang agreed with.

"He's making steps in the right direction, but he'll never be able to do it alone. He'll need to cement his place on the throne or else there'll be nothing but civil war."

"I know," Aang said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't think anyone's even _approached_ the subject of marriage with him yet."

"That's the only way things can begin to get settled. Once he's got a wife and an heir on the way."

Aang chuckled. "Too bad they won't ever accept you as an advisor."

"It is my conclusion," Kuei continued, "that there was never any intent to harm on Lady Azula's part. It was a situation that was blown out of proportion, and unfortunately, it got wildly out of hand."

The assembled citizens began to erupt into a multitude of reactions. There was anger and disappointment, people telling Kuei he was spineless and that he should just get off the throne already. Some people threw things, and the Earth Kingdom guards stepped in to drag some people away. Azula watched the proceedings distractedly.

"Lady Azula is still under the protection of the Avatar, and we will respect that. We will continue to prove that the Earth Kingdom is the politest and most cultured of the four nations! We will show the Fire Nation that their barbarism will not be returned!"

Azula was greatly comforted to see that the sentiment didn't pass by Aang. Yes, uniting the Earth Kingdom against a common enemy was a good thing, and arguably the easiest way to unite warring parties, but in a world that was desperately pushing toward peace, it was the last thing any of the nations needed just then.

"I'll work on that," Aang whispered, holding Sonam closer to him.

* * *

A/N: Ok, so this is much, much later than I wanted to upload this, but I got some really bad news about my dad recently, and I couldn't bring myself to work on this. I plan to finish this story this month, and if life can stop being a bitch to me for two weeks, I can knock out quite a bit of this. Anywhoo, I think, at this point, Azula would be able to pull herself out of her black hole. I see her retreating because the experience of bending for the first time is so, so strong, but once she gets down there in that hole, she realizes it's not so deep as it was once before. She'd got an outlet, and she knows now that her bending isn't evil. She's got a little something to life for. As for Kuei, I don't think he'd be completely ineffectual for the rest of his life. Will he always need someone who knows what they're doing to guide him? Yes, without a doubt, yes. Personally, I want to see him moving toward being a little more independent, so that's where I'm kinda taking him. But not much, because this isn't his story. As for Aang, I think he's a fiercely protective person, and I have to say, this is my favorite Aang scene that I've written. I think, as I write him, he gets closer to the Avatar he's become between Avatar and Legend of Korra (because seriously, how does Aang go from Avatar to LOK without some kind of HUGE transformation?).


	20. Dragon's Roar

Chapter 20: Dragon's Roar

"What a…pleasant…surprise, Princess Azula."

This moment, Azula thought, was almost too perfect. Grand Secretariat Ai was sitting at a table in the massive library, piles of books in front of her. Azula glanced at the titles on the open scrolls and on the spines of the books—they were all detailed lineages of the great Earth Kingdom families. Azula smiled a little, moving to sit at the table with Ai, relishing the slight look of distaste that floated across the older woman's face.

"I was just stopping by to pick up a book for Sonam. Given your impressive knowledge of all things Earth Kingdom, I have to say that I'm surprised to see _you_ here."

Ai rolled up the open scrolls and readjusted the books so that the spines were no longer facing Azula. It was too late, though. Clearly, Aang had already brought up the subject of marriage and securing Kuei's line and claim to the throne. And from Ai's distaste, perhaps Ai wasn't quite ready to have this conversation with Kuei. The more she studied the Grand Secretariat, the more she saw through the cold demeanor to the anger underneath.

"As Grand Secretariat, it is often part of my duties to research things in the library. And while I have you here, Princess Azula, I'd like to remind you that you have no political power, and have no authority to advise Avatar Aang on any subject. Nor should you be speaking with King Kuei—"

"What's your game?" Azula asked sharply, leaning back in her chair and locking Ai in her sights.

"I think it's clear you're the one with the agenda," Ai said, clenching her fists on the table. "How often do you whisper in the Avatar's ear? How much of what he's pushed as reform has come from you, or worse, from your _brother_?"

"Believe me, Zuko's far too busy to be giving Aang detailed lessons in how to reform your broken nation—"

"In case you haven't noticed, the Earth Kingdom is far from broken!"

"—because, in case you haven't noticed, he's got his own nation to worry about."

"Who the _hell_ do you think you are? I don't trust you, you harlot, and you have no right—no _right_—to be here! This is not your nation to ruin!"

"Right, you need no help with that."

The shade of red that tinted Ai's cheeks would have made Sozin proud. Perhaps her last comment had been pushing things over the edge, but where did Ai get off acting so superior all the time? The woman had done nothing but hound and belittle her for the duration of their stay. Every breath Azula took was considered malicious, and nothing would have made Ai happier than to see Azula shoot Kuei with lightning. _Nothing_. Still, that nagging voice her family had implanted in the back of her head was telling her to quickly diffuse the situation. Ai was barely staying in her seat, and her hands were balled so tightly, that it would be a surprise if she didn't draw blood. Azula noted the trembling jaw and twitching eye, compared Ai's visible anger with her own calm. Her palms weren't even sweating, and maybe that had something to do with the stress and danger she'd experienced before, but she felt…calm.

"Listen," Azula said, "I don't like you, and you don't like me, and we don't have to like each other. You and I don't need to have any further contact, but you cannot deny Aang's help simply because we have a daughter together. We both know what it means for me to give up political power—"

"I want you out of my nation."

Ai's eyes were narrowed into slits, her mouth a tight white line. This time, Azula bit back her retort. It certainly reminded her of something Long Feng said just before she made her alliance with him. To be sure, Ai's goals were far from the previous Grand Secretariat, and she was actually fighting for the Earth Kingdom's future. None of that changed the fact that _she_ was not Earth King, these were not her decisions.

"I am here under the Avatar's protection, and King Kuei has found me guilty of no wrongs."

"For too long, the Fire Nation has thrown its weight around." Ai stood, knocking her chair over, her voice dangerously low. "For too _damn_ long, we were asked to cower at your demands. Now you get a new Fire Lord, and everyone suddenly thinks there's been true change. Yet here you are—_you_ of all people, you despicable creature—trying to take control again, and everyone pretending as if your crimes didn't exist. We should prosecute you as a war criminal and have you executed for what you did to my city."

Ai stormed out of the library, all books and notes forgotten on the table.

* * *

Aang looked down at Sonam as she sucked greedily on her bottle. He stroked her chubby pink cheeks, smoothed down her thick black hair. Looked into her golden eyes. She was a beautiful little thing, made all the more beautiful because she was his, and when she started speaking, she would call him daddy. When she started crawling, she'd rush to him when he came into the room, or follow him when he tried to leave. The most painful part was that he'd probably be doing a lot of leaving, because he couldn't see Azula agreeing to live a nomadic lifestyle with him. He certainly couldn't imagine her letting him take Sonam with him, especially since he'd be busy most of the time.

"Were you listening to me?" Azula asked.

Aang nodded, pulling the bottle away to see how much Sonam had eaten. He liked having his baby near him, even if he didn't get to see her as much as he liked. He wasn't afraid to admit how much it hurt to hear Azula talking about returning to the Fire Nation before they'd planned.

"I can speak with Kuei—"

"You can, but you have to admit that she's got a point. If this was the Fire Nation, I would be charged with war crimes."

"Do you honestly think Zuko would charge _anyone_ with a war crime? Besides, under the terms of the peace treaty everyone signed, certain things have to be forgiven. Both Kuei and Ai signed the part about restitution being made for the sacking of Ba Sing Se."

Maybe what Ai said had hurt Azula more than she was willing to admit. She was leaning against a wall, looking in his direction, but Aang wasn't sure she was exactly looking at either him or Sonam. She seemed to be seeing something past them, maybe forming some plan, uncovering some knowledge. She was quiet, and she seemed sad almost. It was a very un-Azula like appearance, and that put him on alert. There were too many times when she was unpredictable, but he'd come to understand that as just part of who she was. She was firey and sometimes hotheaded, but like Zuko, she could be quiet and pensive. In fact, those were traits both Iroh and Ursa shared, too, though hotheadedness seemed to be stronger in the younger generation. He looked at his daughter. Would she have that temperament, too, or would she take after him and be calmer? He hoped that all the spirits would have pity on him, because he didn't know how many fiery tempers he could handle.

"If you think Zuko wouldn't charge someone with war crimes, you're mistaken," Azula finally said, pushing away from the wall. "There are things a king wants to do, and things he must do. Regardless of treaties, you can't erase lingering feelings, and I'd like to remind you that Ai was completely against some parts of that treaty. She signed because she saw the bigger picture. She signed because this world needs peace."

"How…how did you know that? You couldn't… That treaty was signed when you were in the asylum!"

Azula smiled her customary wicked smile, and Aang relaxed just a tiny bit. Like Toph's affectionate hitting, so long as Azula smiled her wicked smile, he knew that she was ok.

"Zuko told me. He probably didn't think I was listening, but I was. I'm always listening."

"Maybe you should be a spy."

When Azula outright smiled at that, Aang allowed himself to fully relax. For the rest of her life, people would probably be walking on eggshells, never knowing what could set her off, or even if something could push her back into those dark places. He wanted desperately to believe that she was cured, but he wasn't a naïve twelve year old anymore. Just as she would never fully heal, he was beginning to suspect that this world would never fully heal. What a pity.

"Still, she shouldn't have said that to you. She should have controlled her anger."

"I probably destroyed something personal to her. Maybe family members died during the coup, or I destroyed her ancestral home. Or maybe she's just really mad that the Fire Nation got away without any real punishment."

"She wouldn't be the only one."

When the bottle was empty, and Sonam was sucking on air, Aang held her against his shoulder, hugging her as much as burping her. In his heart, Sonam was his standard-bearer of peace. She was everything that could be right with the world. She was created out of hate and frustration and pain, but she was beautiful and strong, and she would grow up and be powerful and full of love. At times like these, when what he realized was a fragile peace seemed to be teetering, he needed something to remind him that their world had a chance of turning out alright.

"You're so quiet," Aang said to Sonam.

"Give her a few years. I'm sure she'll be tearing through the place."

When Aang looked up, Azula was standing close, her hand on Sonam's head. He could have touched her then. He wasn't sure what king of touch, or why he would touch her at all. What if he offered marriage again? Would she accept him now? So long as she was focused on Sonam, Aang could study Azula without her barking at him. She would probably just call him a fool and say that all his promised advantages would amount to nothing. He couldn't offer her any real protection, or at least nothing more than he could offer her by saying she was his guest as Avatar. Besides, they had a partnership, and that seemed to work well. They'd never be Sokka and Suki, or Zuko and Katara.

Azula started humming some tune, and Aang rocked back and forth. It didn't take long for Sonam to start yawning, one of Aang's fingers clutched firmly in her tiny hand. He rubbed his thumb along her soft baby knuckles, looking into those vibrant golden eyes and knowing that he'd miss her more than the air he breathed if she and Azula were to go back to the Fire Nation.

"Don't get all sappy and start crying," Azula whispered.

"I'm not. It's just that…I'd miss you guys if you left. I've never been away from her before."

"You and I both know that nothing will get done if I'm here."

"That's not true—"

"Don't, Aang."

Her voice was hard, and sharp. Aang stopped rocking, but he didn't look up at Azula. He didn't want to see her scorn. He was the Avatar, and there were times when the choice wouldn't be his. Azula needed to leave, and he needed to fix any new rifts her arrival might have caused. He needed to remind Ai of the bigger picture, the reason she signed a treaty even though she hated certain parts of it with every bone in her body, and that would be much easier to do without Azula there to remind her of her pain. He needed to understand Ai the way Azula did, to see past the emotion to the pain underneath. He needed to be the Avatar, not Aang, no matter how much it ripped his heart just then.

* * *

When it came to her departure, Azula wasn't surprised to see how eager everyone was to help. Her and Sonam's belonging were packed in record time, their airship was loaded and ready to return to the Fire Nation only two days after she announced her decision to leave. It pissed her off, and she had half a mind to set some stuff on fire as a parting gift, but she knew it would only destroy Aang's chances of getting Ai to cooperate again. Those bastards. For the moment, she lorded it over them and had her petty victories by making them pack and repack her things because they weren't "done right."

"Is everything ready, then?" Aang asked.

Azula nodded. He was holding up much better than she thought he would, though she suspected that he might break down later that day, or maybe in a few days when the absence of Sonam hit him. The kid was made of stronger stuff than she'd ever expected. Perhaps he was finally growing into his role as Avatar.

"If it makes you feel any better," Azula said, sitting next to Aang where he was playing with Sonam in the grass, "all of your friends will go through this, too."

"Having to leave their kids behind?" Aang shook his head. "They'd just bring them along. Why wouldn't they?"

Sonam gurgled and reached for the flower Aang was holding, her face transforming into the meaning of joy with a wide, toothless baby smile.

"Would it be worse to have her here, knowing your schedule didn't give you any time to be with her? Would it hurt any less to watch others hold her when you can't?"

Aang didn't answer, and they sat in silence as the final airship tests were run and the whistle blew, signaling that they were ready to leave. The captain shook a few hands, then began walking toward them.

"Bring her over when you're ready."

No one was there to see them off. Kuei didn't even send any Earth Kingdom soldiers to watch over them. It was like they were already gone, and ultimately, Azula supposed that it was for the best that things happened this way. The fewer people, the less conflict, and the sooner they could be gone. Truth be told, she wasn't sad to be leaving; she'd felt the tension and the hate from every hallway, and some of what Ai said made sense. Given everything that had happened during the war, the Fire Nation did get off pretty easy as far as punishment went. Though Azula knew there were real reasons like not collapsing the global economy with massive reparations, it wouldn't change the fact that people would resent the lack of punishment. She made a mental note to write Aang about it. If he didn't know it already, it was definitely something he should keep in mind.

"I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be," Aang whispered.

Azula accepted Sonam from him, turning a blind eye to the forming tears as Sonam whined and reached for him. She tried to pretend like she didn't hear him sniffle.

"You'll write to let me know you got back safely?"

"Yes. And I'll let you know how everyone's doing."

"And you'll tell me everything she does?"

"All of it."

"Promise—"

"I'll write you, Aang. I promise."

Azula tried her best to give Aang a warm smile. Even if it did make her cringe. But only a little.

A little.

* * *

A/N: So, when I was writing Ai for this chapter, something weird happened. She kinda became the voice of all the people who hated that the Fire Nation got away scott free, but are willing to work for the greater good, anyway. I think, given who Kuei is, the Grand Secretariat will always have great power, and Ai is very aware of this. She wants to work in the best interest of the people, not just of the Earth Kingdom, but of all the nations. If she wasn't Grand Secretariat, though, you can believe she'd probably be part of a rebel sect who thinks the Fire Nation should be severely punished. Having Azula there was like having someone spit in her face. I really like Ai and writing Ai. Hers is a perspective I'd have loved to see more of in this fandom.


	21. Avatar Aang

Chapter 21: Avatar Aang

"Oh, I've missed my baby so much!"

Azula leaned back against a moon peach tree in the Fire Nation royal gardens as her mother and uncle played with Sonam. They hardly noticed that she was there, but that was fine. They were engrossed in every little move Sonam made; every sneeze, every burp, every smile was the most fascinating thing in the world. At least it had given her time to respond to Aang's letter.

He'd been in the Earth Kingdom for two months, only able to make it back home once, since Ai was putting him through his paces. It was unfortunate that he was missing so much of Sonam's early moments, but he was the one who insisted that he needed to stay there to try and patch up some relationships. And if his last letter was any indication, it was starting to work. Slowly. But they couldn't expect an immediate change, now could they?

Azula turned the letter over in her hands, her uncle's voice blending into the background along with the rustling leaves and the chirping birds as he talked to Sonam. She held the letter with two fingers, letting it dangle by the corner, her eyes travelling along the deep creases where the ink had begun to fade from being folded so many times. For some reason, she kept coming back to that one letter.

"Is that Aang's letter?"

Azula snapped her hand closed on the paper as Zuko reached for it.

"When did you get here?"

"Just sat down about two minutes ago. You've been completely out of it."

Her mind had been a thousand miles away, or more accurately, her mind had been in Ba Sing Se. She cringed inwardly. Her mind had been with Aang, with his political triumphs and struggles, his pain at not having his daughter near, and his acceptance that this was his life. She pulled away, forcing herself to return to the Fire Nation and the pleasant, uneventful evening with her family. She didn't even notice that her brother was holding a now sleeping Sonam, and she reached out to smooth the baby's hair, tucking one unruly curly black lock behind a tiny ear.

"I'm surprised at how much she looks like Aang."

"I don't know why. He is her father, after all," Azula said. "She's got my eyes, though."

Azula fought back the smile as she watched her sleeping daughter. Sonam had a habit of sticking her tongue out whenever she slept with her mouth open. Sometimes Azula would play with it to see if she'd wake up, pushing it back in her mouth or poking it. No matter what Azula did, though, Sonam would remain fast asleep. She wondered if Aang had noticed.

"Mom said you used to sleep funny, too. Sometimes you'd sleep with your arm stuck in the air."

"Aang's coming home, soon," Azula blurted, immediately regretting everything about the way she said it. She cringed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "He said that his tour of duty was temporarily done in Ba Sing Se. They don't have much need of him these days, so he'll be heading here to spend time with Sonam. If you don't stop smiling at me like that, I will take my daughter back, then set you on fire."

"I get it," Zuko said, nonchalantly, flapping his hand about. "You've gotten used to having him around. Honestly, how hard was it these two months without your Avatar?"

Azula narrowed her eyes at her brother, warning him to say just one more word. Zuko gave her a sly smile, even though he held his hands up in surrender. This wouldn't be the end of his teasing, but she had her own form of hell to give him. Motherhood wouldn't tame her fire.

"He sounds pathetic without Sonam."

"Really? That's the only reason?"

Azula shrugged. "A man deserves to see his daughter. You'll understand one day when you grow up."

Zuko almost outright laughed at that, but did his best to stifle his laugh, pressing both hands tightly against his mouth. Azula allowed herself a quiet chuckle. How far they'd come to be able to laugh like that, and yet how far they still had to go.

"And now, the most important question, how's Ba Sing Se?"

The most important, and the hardest. If she was truly giving up her title as Princess and her right to having an opinion in political matters, she should keep quiet and tell her brother to speak with Aang. But she knew Aang, and knew that he would need help and that he might not be so keen on asking for it, especially with Ai breathing down his neck.

"His letters hint that things are complicated, and that there is still much animosity toward the Fire Nation."

"I can't say I didn't expect that. The Earth Kingdom has always been rather…vocal. Is there anything I should know?"

Azula looked at her brother, willed him to read the message in her eyes. If she'd learned nothing else during her stay in Ba Sing Se, she learned that certain parts of the world still, and probably always would, consider her a symbol of the old regime. Regardless of the role she played, the changes she'd made in her life, she would always be Ozai's daughter to them. It was her reality, just as surely as Aang's reality was having to leave Sonam behind occasionally.

"Private citizens can still have opinions," Zuko said. "It would be no different than a Fire Nation citizen telling me what they overheard in Ba Sing Se on their vacation."

"I doubt that, but I would say expect higher trade prices, some flat out refusals of goods and services. Expect hostilities and the occasional cold shoulder. Will it go further than that? It's hard to say." Azula leaned back against the tree, turning over words and scenarios in her mind like she did long, long ago. It felt good. "Kuei will not act against the Fire Nation, and despite all her fussing, I doubt Grand Secretariat Ai will, either. She respects the peace, even if it means having to swallow such bitter medicine."

Zuko was quiet and pensive, and Azula imagined she could see the workings of his brain. She knew her brother well enough to know that he might try to confront the problem head on, which would likely only make things worse. She knew he hadn't dealt with Ai much, and coming on the heels of her disdain for Azula, the worst thing Zuko could probably do would be to confront Ai.

"Let Aang, handle it," Azula whispered. "Ai hates the very air I breathe, and for the next year or so, she'll look at you like a male version of me. Let the Avatar be the Avatar and broker peace."

"I wasn't going to—"

"You would have confronted them about the drastic change in prices." Azula looked at her brother and smiled at his guilty look. "Let the Avatar be the Avatar."

* * *

There was never a time in his life when Aang had been this excited. It was taking everything he had not to run through the halls until he made his way to the gardens. In just three turns, he could see his baby again. When the light from the gardens began to spill into the hallway, Aang flat out ran, his arms outstretched. Azula didn't disappoint, holding a laughing, smiling, adorable Sonam out to him, and he scooped her up in his arms, and squeezed her against his chest. He didn't realize just how much he missed that tiny girl until she clung to him, and the tears started, and he sunk to his knees, just holding her and crying.

"Ok, pull yourself together," Azula said, patting him on the head.

Sniffling, Aang stood, cradling Sonam and showering her with kisses.

"Daddy missed you so much."

Sonam babbled, and he babble back, completely ignoring everyone else. For the moment, they didn't matter. All that mattered was that he had his daughter and she was holding onto him as if he was her whole world. He would brave Ai's wrath a thousand times over just to have this moment with Sonam.

"She's gotten so big," Aang said, wiping away his tears. "I can't believe she's crawling already."

Aang sat her down, and she took off in the garden, stopping to investigate random blades of grass and flowers, and reaching for butterflies. She hadn't even really done anything yet, and he was already so very proud of her. She was just so beautiful and charming and full of love and life.

"You know, there's nothing more rewarding than coming back here after having to deal with Ba Sing Se."

"Did they give you a hard time on your way out?"

"Surprisingly, no." Aang glanced at Azula, but she was busy watching Sonam speeding toward Iroh. "To be honest, I think they were just as glad to see me leave as I was to get out of there."

"Listen, I told Zuko about the problems he'll likely have with trade with the Earth Kingdom."

"Azula, wait—"

"Don't worry, I told him to let you handle it. You're the Avatar. Making peace is your job."

"Do you really have that much faith in me?"

When Azula didn't answer for a few long moments, Aang turned to her, forcing himself to look away from Sonam, who was very interested in everything Ursa was eating. She seemed so much more calm now that she was away from Ai. It was a good thing that she decided to leave; had she stayed there, there were few doubts in Aang's mind that she would have suffered a serious relapse. She needed to be around family that loved her.

"I've had faith in you so far, haven't I? It's a bit late to turn back, now."

Aang couldn't help but smile. That was as close to a thank you as he was ever going to get from Azula. He almost put his hand on her shoulder, but that would be pushing her boundaries too far. No matter who it came from, it was nice to hear that people still had faith in him. Perhaps it meant even more since it came from Azula.

"I'll talk to Zuko about it. It's not right for them to do this, and in the end, they'll be hurting everyone. You know, things are still pretty delicate, there."

"I can imagine. Ai still on a rampage?"

"Meh." Aang shrugged. "She's angry. Can't say that I'd call it a rampage."

When there was a lull in the conversation, Aang just let it be. He didn't feel pressured to say something like he did in Ba Sing Se. As much as he hated to admit it, the Fire Nation was feeling more like home than anywhere else in the world. He'd always imagined that he would return to the Air Temples. Make them functional again, and maybe open a school. He didn't have concrete plans beyond "open Air Temples." Katara might have been fine with living there, but Azula? There was _no way_ she would ever agree to it. And watching Sonam crawl around in the Fire Nation royal gardens, splashing her hand in the water as Ursa and Iroh kept a watchful eye on her…it all seemed _right_. Like, this was the way things were supposed to be. Like the universe had finally found balance, and there was a true peace, not just a peace where people sneered behind each other's backs.

"She makes me believe that everything will turn out ok," Aang said quietly. "Even though things are really rocky right now, I look at Sonam and I know things will be ok. Eventually. But they'll get there."

"Are you going to tell me the story about the baby in the Serpent's Pass again?"

"No," Aang said, laughing. "Not this time, I don't think."

It felt good to be home.

* * *

A/N: This was a hard chapter to write, mainly because I think the story's done. I finished writing the paragraph where Aang reunites with Sonam, and, well, I almost couldn't make anything else come. I'll probably do an epilogue just because I want a proper end, or something that feels more...I don't know, final? Yes, Aang and Azula will still fight and struggle, but I feel like they've gained a mutual respect and acceptance at this point, and they'd be able to co-parent rather efficiently. I don't see Aang having to Avatar off anytime soon, so he'd probably just hang out at the Fire Nation with his baby. I really wish I could draw, so I could make some pictures of how I think their family would look. I might have mentioned this before, but I don't always like a story that ends with a nice, neat bow, so Aang's conflict with the Earth Kingdom and Kuei's struggles with being a king won't be resolved here. Partly because it's not their story, and mostly because that's an issue that will span _years_, which is beyond the scope of this story. As a side note, the title of this chapter is kind of a "fuck you" to Bryke because by now, I feel Aang has fully accepted and understood the sacrifices required of an Avatar.

Once again, I can't thank all of you enough for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following this story. For such an odd concept, I think this is one of my biggest stories, if not the biggest. You guys rock. I'll miss you :)


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